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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I told my husband that after fifteen years of marriage, I wanted a divorce. His first question was whether or not he could still go on the family cruise my parents are paying for in May. FML

#8995755
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22777) - you deserved it (9788)

On 03/11/2010 at 12:13pm - love - by danikka1 - United States

Today, my extremely loud and nocturnal flatmate phoned me to tell me excitedly that he got an accordion for his birthday. FML

#8994510
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21284) - you deserved it (2368)

On 03/11/2010 at 10:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Hillingdon)

Today, I learned that even though they say that an apple a day keeps the doctor away, it doesn't keep him from putting a Q-tip up your ass. FML

#8994102
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22965) - you deserved it (3334)

On 03/11/2010 at 9:44am - health - by captainkevineff - United States

Today, I found out that my entire family thinks I have no friends, am expressionless (to quote, "a robot") and that my monotonous voice hints at the suppressed depression hidden deep inside me. According to them, I need psychic evaluation. It all came out at a family reunion. FML

#8993949
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22254) - you deserved it (3134)

On 03/11/2010 at 9:28am - misc - by talhabilal - Pakistan (Punjab)

Today, I found out my ex boyfriend who recently cheated on me and broke up with me for another girl, has herpes. Guess how I found out? FML

#8993133
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36584) - you deserved it (4075)

On 03/11/2010 at 7:50am - intimacy - by cheated (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML

#8993130
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17772) - you deserved it (4201)

On 03/11/2010 at 7:50am - intimacy - by StretchNuts - United States

Today, I congratulated my friend for getting engaged. This is the fourth friend of mine this year that has become engaged. I haven't even had a boyfriend yet. FML

#8992820
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26872) - you deserved it (5031)

On 03/11/2010 at 7:16am - love - by Lonely (woman) - New Zealand

Today, I walk out of my apartment to find that my car is decorated with explicit drawings and "Happy 21st birthday" stuff written all over it. To top it off, my vehicle is completely wrapped in plastic wrap. I'm 22 and my birthday is in December. FML

#8992744
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23681) - you deserved it (1836)

On 03/11/2010 at 7:04am - misc - by er1133 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I tried to demonstrate to my friend how laughably dull our kitchen knives are by swiping one across my palm. Turns out Dad noticed the problem yesterday and sharpened them. FML

#8991320
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8959) - you deserved it (46896)

On 03/11/2010 at 3:13am - misc - by ShowOff (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, it's the third anniversary of when I started looking for a new job. I'm still working at the job that made me want to get a new one and I haven't even had an interview for another one in almost two years. My Master's degree on the wall is looking more and more like a roll of toilet paper. FML

#8990477
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22559) - you deserved it (3180)

On 03/11/2010 at 1:45am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was awoken by a conversation my mom was having with my dog upstairs. She was telling my dog that a ghost lives in our house. She was completely serious. The ghost even has a name and a backstory. FML

#8989012
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21392) - you deserved it (2421)

On 03/11/2010 at 12:30am - animals - by stuckathome (man) - United States

Today, I found out the electric bill I have been paying was on my old house. I found this out when they shut off the power to my house. FML

#8988720
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12472) - you deserved it (16882)

On 03/11/2010 at 12:18am - money - by secret - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was applying some acne ointment. The directions said, "Apply a thin layer, covering the entire affected area." In other words, for me: My entire face. Lovely. FML

#8988436
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21730) - you deserved it (3795)

On 03/11/2010 at 12:04am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nebraska)



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