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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML

#7084392
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25530) - you deserved it (3356)

On 01/01/2010 at 3:23pm - intimacy - by Lovergirl (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I had to go to the hospital. While I was there, my mom started hitting on a doctor. Later I saw them making out in the room next to me. FML

#7083274
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31172) - you deserved it (2285)

On 01/01/2010 at 2:14pm - misc - by johnny121 - Sent from mobile version

Today, my girlfriend told me it was her fantasy to orgasm at midnight on New Years. We got started at 11:53. I didn't last until midnight. FML

#7080938
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11732) - you deserved it (18719)

On 01/01/2010 at 12:01pm - intimacy - by FavreFan99 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, the 6 year old girl I was babysitting asked me, "Why are you so ugly? Are you an alien? Because aliens are about as ugly as you are." FML

#7079923
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34849) - you deserved it (3600)

On 01/01/2010 at 10:41am - kids - by silverstar189 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I came home from a new years party wearing a shower curtain and nothing else. FML

#7079223
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6684) - you deserved it (36416)

On 01/01/2010 at 9:13am - misc - by NotANaturist (woman) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)

Today, my 4 year old daughter was looking at a magazine cover with a well endowed model showing off her clevage. She looked at me and said, "Mommy, when I grow up will I have big round boobies like her or tiny pointy ones like you?" FML

#7079219
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31545) - you deserved it (4199)

On 01/01/2010 at 9:12am - kids - by andy - United States (New York)

 Today, while I was trying to get to sleep, I heard a strange noise coming from the bunk bed above mine. I looked up to see what it was and my cat vomited over the edge, onto my face. FML

#7078768
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26437) - you deserved it (2933)

On 01/01/2010 at 8:03am - animals - by grosssss (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my stepdad did a crap in the shape of the number 2, took a picture of it and showed it to all my friends at my party, while we were eating. FML

#7077814
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30426) - you deserved it (3625)

On 01/01/2010 at 6:12am - misc - by Moosh - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I thought my family would like it if I celebrated the new year with them. My brother thought that I'd like him to shoot my butt with his new gun in celebration. FML

#7077450
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21618) - you deserved it (2351)

On 01/01/2010 at 5:29am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, it is New Year's Day. While all of my friends are out partying, I stayed home and mastered level 34 on FarmVille. FML

#7075240
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10747) - you deserved it (32197)

On 01/01/2010 at 3:16am - misc - by thatsjustlovely (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was forced to spend New Years Eve with my strict/conservative parents in the middle of nowhere in Illinois. If I had nothing else, I looked forward to watching the ball drop in NYC. As the seconds counted down the T.V. shut off. Parental controls shut down cable at midnight. FML

#7073820
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32097) - you deserved it (2384)

On 01/01/2010 at 2:11am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my sister-in-law asked why I wasn't out partying with my friends to celebrate the new year. My mom then asked "What friends?". Ah, the new year begins. FML

#7072214
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22435) - you deserved it (2522)

On 01/01/2010 at 1:10am - misc - by nobffs (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I realized the odd smell I've been trying to get out of the house is coming from me. FML

#7072130
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7195) - you deserved it (28135)

On 01/01/2010 at 1:07am - misc - by _akwardsituation (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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