Today, I inexplicably claimed ownership of someone else's fart in the subway. FML

by anonymous / 05/25/2011 at 10:33am / Singapore / Transportation

Today, my dad came to my graduate art show wearing a t-shirt saying "My other daughter is a science major". He'd had it specially made. FML

by art_major / 05/25/2011 at 10:06am / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Miscellaneous

LolaD18's comment : Get one that says "My other dad is less of an asshole". and wear it everywhere with him.

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Today, my boss and I were preparing a lunch order for a nearby real-estate agency. I noticed that the order was riddled with spelling mistakes, so I laughed and mocked the realtors calling them stupid and incompetent. My boss then pointed out that the order was written in his handwriting. FML

by Anonymous / 05/25/2011 at 9:55am / Australia (Tasmania) / Work

Today, I turned in an essay after staying up late to work on it. I was away when the teacher assigned it, so I'd asked my friend what the subject was. It transpires that she'd given me the wrong one, all because she was mad at me for not returning her pencil. FML

by oh dang /: / 05/25/2011 at 7:34am / Work

ProhibitionRose's comment : what a bitch... some friend she is

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Today, as my girlfriend and I were making love, and she started to moan and groan. All of a sudden, she stopped and said "I'm lying, you suck at this." FML

by katie / 05/25/2011 at 4:23am / Intimacy

Today, my mom yelled at me for taking too long at a job interview, and that it was a waste of her time to drive me to it; I just quit my job, moved away from my boyfriend and the coast to help take care of her in Idaho. FML

by kylie b / 05/25/2011 at 2:41am / Miscellaneous

Today, I was so lonely that I was comforted by the sound of mice running through the walls of my apartment. I left cheese and peanut butter out for them to find so that I could at least have a pet for company. FML

by Anon / 05/25/2011 at 1:28am / United States (Illinois) / Animals

Today, my boss called me into his office. Expecting a long overdue promotion, I hurried in. Instead, he told me he thought I would be perfect to take his son on a pity date, because he is at a suicide risk from depression. FML

by Anonymous / 05/25/2011 at 1:21am / Canada / Work

kingsamuelcdt's comment : maybe if his son is satisfied you could get a raise ;)

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Today, I went to a friend's wedding. While I was holding my four year old son, he managed to unclip the back of my dress and give the whole church a show. FML

by OhDear / 05/24/2011 at 9:34pm / United States (Maryland) / Kids

Today, I found out that whenever I send my son to his room, he goes on his iPod and buys the most expensive apps he can find. So far I've been charged $600. FML

by StupidApple / 05/24/2011 at 8:02pm / Kids

Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML

by asnolt / 05/24/2011 at 6:29pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I refused to let two students into class because they were 15 minutes late. It turns out they were late because they had gone to buy me a birthday cake. FML

by LimeyGoodteeth / 05/24/2011 at 5:34pm / United Kingdom (Leicester) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I contacted my biological father, after not speaking to him for some years, as we had a very strained relationship. I received an automated response. It's probably the best conversation we have ever had. FML

by Anonymous / 05/24/2011 at 2:28pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous