Today, some ballbag broke into my house just to take my broom. FML

by kelsjenks / 07/27/2011 at 9:50am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

metallicshadow's comment : haha ballbag

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Today, I was going to a talent show. On the way there, my car broke down, I lost my keys and managed to slam my hand in a window. I got there and waited in the theater for an hour before a janitor came by and said, "Show is tomorrow, lady." FML

by lizzie / 07/27/2011 at 9:30am / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, I was walking my dog, and a whole bunch of teenagers were driving around my neighborhood throwing water balloons at people. They followed me for 3 blocks. FML

by CarrieRedburn / 07/27/2011 at 4:09am / United States (Indiana) / Animals

Today, at a fancy dress party, I got off with Hitler. FML

by SallyGeen / 07/27/2011 at 3:23am / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Intimacy

mrexclusive's comment : what are you talking about?

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Today, I learned it's best not to piss off your mom when she's cutting your hair. FML

by :( / 07/27/2011 at 12:50am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that the more money I earn, the more my personal belongings break down on me. FML

by talwin / 07/27/2011 at 12:05am / Reserved / Money

Today, it's my birthday. Out of loneliness, I went to order some flowers and a cake "for a friend". The guy who delivered it to my house was the same guy from the counter. FML

by anon / 07/26/2011 at 8:01pm / Israel / Miscellaneous

Today, I went with my boyfriend to the OC fair. He was taking a picture of me in front of a giant mechanical butterfly at the insect exhibit. Playfully, he told me to pretend to be a butterfly, so I quickly lifted my arms, just in time to slap a 7 year old girl in the face. FML

by slappedright / 07/26/2011 at 7:19pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, someone had the unique opportunity to be able to say to me, "Excuse me, your pants are on fire." FML

by smokin / 07/26/2011 at 5:22pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, I accidentally slept in two hours later than I was supposed to. Today is my wedding day. FML

by badbride / 07/26/2011 at 1:11pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

hiyourcute's comment : Its okay, the bride is the only one allowed to be late to her wedding:)

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Today, I saved a honey bee from drowning in our pool. It promptly stung me and died. FML

by frankkathy / 07/26/2011 at 1:07pm / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I saw my picture in an architecture magazine. I'm not an architect. I was walking up a flight of "magnificently built" stairs as my skirt lifted to show an absence of underwear. FML

by crotchshothottie / 07/26/2011 at 12:22pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, the only thing that managed to get me out of bed was scrambling to watch my neighbours have a screaming match in the middle of our street about which one of their brain-dead kids spray-painted "CUNT FLAPS" and a rudimentary knob on the communal garage door. FML

by Anonymous / 07/26/2011 at 10:05am / United Kingdom / Health