Today, I have to take medicine that gives me painful, violent farts. Tomorrow, I have to either get fired or go work in an office that's dead silent. How silent? Last week I heard my coworker drop a paperclip, three desks away. FML
by Tootie / 07/30/2011 at 2:58am / United States (Michigan) / Work
YacL's comment : Drop another paperclip to mask the sound?
Today, my little brother came into my room and hit me over the head with his baseball bat. He then dropped the bat onto my floor and ran crying into my mother's room proclaiming I stole his bat and beat him with it for fun. FML
by NaomiMadison / 07/30/2011 at 1:15am / United States / Kids
Ali_Br's comment : don't you just hate little brothers???
by Taylor / 07/30/2011 at 1:14am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
OcampoFTW's comment : Hopefully he didn't say "I am your father!"
by loser4life / 07/30/2011 at 12:38am / United States (Colorado) / Animals
by Anonymous / 07/30/2011 at 12:35am / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 07/29/2011 at 10:10pm / United States (Missouri) / Kids
Today, while walking home from work, a young teenage girl ran up behind me and dumped a carton of milk on my head. She said, "The cow master baptizes you!" and then ran in the opposite direction, cackling madly. FML
by Anonymous / 07/29/2011 at 8:31pm / United States (Washington) / Health
by Username / 07/29/2011 at 7:36pm / United States / Kids
by ivannooze / 07/29/2011 at 5:40pm / United States / Health
by Username / 07/29/2011 at 5:35pm / Netherlands (Flevoland) / Love
by Elizabeth / 07/29/2011 at 3:56pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I realized that since I started working full time, the only friend I have left is my cat. Lonely and bored out of my mind, I told him about my day. He decided to end the conversation by shitting on the floor. FML
by Username / 07/29/2011 at 3:17pm / United States (South Carolina) / Animals
Today, while walking home, the gods were kind enough to grace me with the sight of an old man jogging past me in nothing but a pair of short shorts. The image of his balls swinging to and fro underneath like a pendulum has been forever burned into my retinas. FML
by someone / 07/29/2011 at 2:26pm / United States / Intimacy