Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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Man or woman?

Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML

#6207441
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30578) - you deserved it (3130)

On 11/08/2009 at 2:26am - animals - by birdbath (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I got an email from my cute teacher about reminding us to bring stuff for the next lesson. As a joke I clicked on reply and wrote about how I think he is so cute and handsome. Right then and there I clicked to go look at other messages. A little box came up..."MESSAGE SENT". FML

#6206375
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7988) - you deserved it (54681)

On 11/08/2009 at 1:07am - misc - by mylifereallysuks (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I invited the guy I've been seeing to my home for the first time. He spent over an hour talking to my twelve-year-old dog. Occasionally he would look up to ask me a question, but when I answered he would just continue talking to the dog. FML

#6205717
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24888) - you deserved it (3177)

On 11/08/2009 at 12:28am - animals - by lessinterestingthanadog (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, as I was driving to work, I got a flat tire. While attempting to replace said tire, I got mugged. The guy took all my money, my iPod, cellphone, and CDs. When I finally called my boss to explain my situation, he fired me. Why? Because I was late and had an "overactive imagination." FML

#6205002
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33070) - you deserved it (2075)

On 11/07/2009 at 11:46pm - misc - by LifeSucks (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I taught my younger cousins a more effective way to brush their teeth. Tonight when I was getting them ready for bed I asked them why they weren't brushing their teeth like I taught them to. The littlest one replied "Daddy said if we do then we'll have ugly teeth like yours." FML

#6204379
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22935) - you deserved it (6240)

On 11/07/2009 at 11:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to a petting zoo with my niece and nephew. While we were checking out the llamas, one of them spit directly into my face. Disgusted and embarrassed, we turned away to pet a deer. The deer immediately urinated then shook its tail which splattered it into my face. FML

#6202329
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28893) - you deserved it (2905)

On 11/07/2009 at 9:13pm - misc - by shando - United States (Nevada)

Today, I let my nephew and his friend spend the night to watch movies. After I fell asleep they stole my liquor and went roaming. When they saw the cop car in front of my house and realized they were busted, they went up to the cop and told them I gave them the alcohol to avoid being grounded. FML

#6201657
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28036) - you deserved it (3186)

On 11/07/2009 at 8:35pm - misc - by AuntSucka (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, after a trip to my doctor I found out that my recent mood swings and hot flashes are the result of a hormonal imbalance that mimics the effects of menopause. I'm a 17 year old guy. FML

#6200798
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35132) - you deserved it (2003)

On 11/07/2009 at 7:38pm - health - by oldlady (man) - United States (New York)

Today, it was my husband's and my anniversary. He was at work, so I decided to dress up "sexy". You know, the typical lacey thong and fishnets. I heard the door open, and what I thought was him was actually my brother who'd visited to wish me a happy anniversary. FML

#6199211
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18648) - you deserved it (5028)

On 11/07/2009 at 5:22pm - intimacy - by sexysue (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 6 years. She said no. Why? She's already married. FML

#6198719
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48374) - you deserved it (5621)

On 11/07/2009 at 4:45pm - love - by John - United States

Today, I got a letter in the mail saying I'm being sued by the guy that broke into my house last week. When I walked in and saw him, I tackled him, punched him in the face a time or two, and restrained him with zip ties. I now have to pay for his broken nose and face charges of assault. FML

#6195343
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46637) - you deserved it (4234)

On 11/07/2009 at 12:01pm - misc - by ShouldHaveLetHimTakeTheTV (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I wanted to sleep in after a rough week, only to be woken up by my roommate's sex screams and the pounding of her bed against the wall. Earplugs did not help. FML

#6194907
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18143) - you deserved it (1965)

On 11/07/2009 at 11:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, someone at work was bragging that their son was high school valedictorian and offered a full college scholarship. 7 years ago, I was also valedictorian and got that same scholarship. All I said was, "Congratulations. Did you want fries with that?" and continued taking their order. FML



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