Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I spent half an hour on the phone with a woman who was yelling at the top of her lungs, sobbing uncontrollably and hyperventilating. She also told me if she had a heart attack and died from crying, it was all my fault. Why? I told her she needed her receipt to have her T.V. repaired. FML

#10769429
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31342) - you deserved it (2726)

On 05/26/2010 at 12:26am - work - by customerservicesucks - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when her cat attacked me. I was pissed, so I grabbed the cat and rushed outside to get rid of it. Little did I know, her parents were home, sitting outside. So I was naked, with a feral cat in front of my junk trying to kill me. All I could say was "Nice Weather?" FML

#10761245
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20757) - you deserved it (36506)

On 05/25/2010 at 7:33pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML

#10760568
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58645) - you deserved it (3678)

On 05/25/2010 at 7:06pm - love - by DHarman (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I had a dream about toasting with champagne. Whilst asleep, I extended my hand to toast, then brought my hand to my mouth to "drink the bubbly." I knocked over the glass of water I keep on my bedside table. My iPhone is now ruined, and in shock of my wet arm, I jerked backward headbutting my wife's face. FML

#10756471
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26587) - you deserved it (7022)

On 05/25/2010 at 3:08pm - misc - by AdamFoundHisEve - Sent from mobile version

Today, my friend bet everyone at my lunch table that no one could catch the fly that was flying around our table. I reached up and caught it. It was a wasp, and it stung me. FML

#10752650
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14046) - you deserved it (32728)

On 05/25/2010 at 8:32am - health - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I came home on leave after a seven month deployment in the middle of the ocean for the Navy. My entire region got hit by the worst flood in recorded history. I need a speedboat to go to the Quick-e-mart. FML

#10751307
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31571) - you deserved it (2442)

On 05/25/2010 at 5:29am - work - by Jimbo (man) - United States (Armed Forces Pacific)

Today, I leaned back and bumped into one of my mom's plants in the window. The good thing was that I caught it before it fell and shattered. The bad thing was that my mom likes to keep cactii in the window. I can still feel thorns I haven't managed to pluck out yet. FML

#10750179
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26464) - you deserved it (4145)

On 05/25/2010 at 2:54am - love - by Ouchhh (man) - United States (California)

Today, I saw a video of me from over the weekend, naked, pretending to be a duck. What the fuck happened that night? FML

#10748926
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18839) - you deserved it (54035)

On 05/25/2010 at 1:18am - intimacy - by laurenraeee - United States (Utah)

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend has a YouTube channel devoted to taking the camera out whenever he has to fart. FML

#10748439
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26669) - you deserved it (3914)

On 05/25/2010 at 12:55am - misc - by alyssac11 - United States (Michigan)

Today, my little sister tripped when trying to walk up the stairs with a sandwich in one hand and my laptop in the other. She choose to save her sandwich instead of my £500 laptop. FML

#10748228
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26389) - you deserved it (3219)

On 05/25/2010 at 12:44am - misc - by Laptop - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to visit my parents after 4 years of not seeing them. They moved without telling me. FML

#10733987
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32187) - you deserved it (18435)

On 05/24/2010 at 1:12pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out I have dandruff when a chick passed by and said out loud to her friends: "That dude's hair is having an early Xmas!" FML

#10733187
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24810) - you deserved it (6258)

On 05/24/2010 at 12:14pm - health - by Dandruff - Sent from mobile version

Today, while sitting at a red light, my mother asks "Do you have any intimacy questions?" FML

#10732441
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35889) - you deserved it (4790)

On 05/24/2010 at 11:14am - intimacy - by weirdedout (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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