Today, the crazy cat lady who lives next to me lost one of her cats. She sat outside with a whistle at 6:00 this morning and continued to blow her whistle for hours. FML

by Username / 08/01/2011 at 12:41am / United States / Animals

Today, my daughter somehow got a hold of the lighter we keep on top of the fridge. I found this out when she snuck up behind me and thought it would be fun to set my hair on fire. FML

by Anonymous / 08/01/2011 at 12:28am / United States (Kentucky) / Kids

Today, my ex-boyfriend's attempt to win me back involved standing at the bottom of my apartment building with two airhorns, blasting them and shouting. And for some reason, singing "Sweet Caroline", even though that's not my name. FML

by notsomuch / 07/31/2011 at 11:09pm / United States (Maine) / Love

Today, someone asked when my baby was due. I'm not pregnant, but I was so embarrassed to be mistaken for a pregnant lady that I rubbed my tummy and said "December." FML

by preggo / 07/31/2011 at 9:16pm / United States (Nebraska) / Health

Rico_Mal1116's comment : Go with the flow all ways works.

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Today, at work I was talking to a co-worker about what a slacker my manager was, and how all she did was stand around and talk. She was standing behind me the whole time. I now have sore nuts due to a direct hit from a broom handle. FML

by MikeMorin18 / 07/31/2011 at 8:07pm / United States / Work

raider27's comment : Can't she get into trouble for hitting a co-worker?

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Today, I was feeling a little naughty, so I put on a sexy outfit, laid down on the hood of my boyfriend's car, and waited for him to find me. When he came into the garage and saw me, he freaked out and bitched at me, because I "could have dented the chassis". FML

by username / 07/31/2011 at 6:19pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

CryMoreFMLs's comment : Why men are more worried about cars then girls I don't know. Doesn't make sense to me.

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Today, I went to the beach. While I was swimming, I noticed a few really hot guys passing. Trying to be sexy, I slowly got out of the water, showing off my body. I showed a bit more than I expected when I realized my bikini bottom had fallen off. FML

by iannie / 07/31/2011 at 5:45pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I walked in on my brother performing voodoo on a doll with my picture taped to its face. FML

by brebre101 / 07/31/2011 at 5:05am / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my mother cleans the dishes with bathroom cleaning chemicals. She doesn't see anything wrong with this. FML

by isucksomuch / 07/31/2011 at 2:18am / Canada (Manitoba) / Miscellaneous

Today, two guys proclaiming that they were both Batman attacked me on the street. FML

by The Joker? / 07/31/2011 at 2:17am / United States (Iowa) / Health

Today, I got back from camp. My camp-mates? A girl who refused to shower the entire week, a girl who threatened to hurt me several times, a snorer, my princess of a sister who took forever in the mornings, and a counselor who watched us sleep. FML

by Tireddddddd / 07/31/2011 at 1:45am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the airport. A creepy man smiled at me, so I politely smiled back. I then realized his shirt said "Smile if you take it in the ass." He then winked at me and walked off. FML

by creepedout / 07/31/2011 at 1:11am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was at a local restaurant. The girl that I like walked by so I tried to give her a high five. My hand ended up on her boob instead. FML

by James / 07/31/2011 at 12:20am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous