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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I received a text from my boyfriend telling me how much I wore him out the night before, from all the sex we were having. We had sex for two minutes. FML

#6612608
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19717) - you deserved it (2587)

On 12/05/2009 at 4:07am - intimacy - by lastalittlelonger (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was at Home Depot getting a Christmas tree with my family. While picking out a tree, a man thought it would be nice to help cut off the string that held the tree together. The branches hit me in the face and the guy managed to cut my hand. FML

#6612451
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22652) - you deserved it (2140)

On 12/05/2009 at 3:48am - misc - by shoutoutloud2him (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was texting this cute guy that I like. After a couple of minutes I get a missed call from him, I call back and his girlfriend answers and says "Hi this is his girlfriend, please stop calling him". FML

#6612429
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11771) - you deserved it (26794)

On 12/05/2009 at 3:44am - love - by JennyAndrews (woman) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, my dad decided to get his friend to help move our old sofas to save money. Its leg got stuck in the doorway, scratched the entire hallway wall, punched a big hole in it and the other leg made a big dent in our front door. We live in an apartment complex and now have to to pay for everything to be fixed. FML

#6610013
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20635) - you deserved it (5642)

On 12/05/2009 at 12:29am - money - by Harry (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, we brought our Christmas tree inside to decorate. We decorated it, then went out to dinner as a family. Returning 2 hours later, we came back to find our living room to be occupied. Not with people. The tree had been filled with baby spiders, and they were all over the living room. FML

#6609748
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32645) - you deserved it (2909)

On 12/05/2009 at 12:15am - animals - by Worsttreeever (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went to the grocery store to stock up on booze for the weekend. After the cashier commented on the size my purchase, I claimed to be hosting a dinner party tonight. I'm not. FML

#6608304
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6674) - you deserved it (29626)

On 12/04/2009 at 11:08pm - misc - by Wino (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went into my room and found a plastic snake on the floor. I yelled out to my sister, "Good one, Ellen!" I picked up the snake to take it to show her. The snake started moving in my hands and bit me. I had to go to the hospital. FML

#6605236
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30788) - you deserved it (7185)

On 12/04/2009 at 8:16pm - misc - by olive_costume (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my dad offered to take me and my sister to school because we just moved houses. On the way, he asked us why we looked so tired. We just said we were tired from moving house. Truth is, our room is right next to theirs. We heard everything. Loud and clear. FML

#6604367
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19495) - you deserved it (1856)

On 12/04/2009 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I dropped my camera down 4 flights of circular stairs from the top of a lighthouse. Everything worked, it just had a few dents. Then, as I went to put it in my pocket, I missed. It fell 3 feet and hit the floor. Now it won't turn on. FML

#6603639
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27328) - you deserved it (15517)

On 12/04/2009 at 6:43pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found my pit bull after three weeks of frantic searching. When we returned home, I put out food and water for him. I went to get him and found him in my room, wagging his tail at me. He had peed on my comforter, freshly folded clothes, and new 60 dollar winter coat. Welcome home, Caine. FML

#6602285
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22679) - you deserved it (5956)

On 12/04/2009 at 5:18pm - misc - by dogless (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I stopped by the gun store to pick up a new concealed weapon for protection. As I was leaving the store, a man came up behind me, hit me with a crowbar, and stole my gun. FML

#6602015
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32382) - you deserved it (13072)

On 12/04/2009 at 5:01pm - misc - by lamed (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, it was my first day with new contacts, but I found out they make my eyes red and itchy. Today was also the day I had a very important meeting. They think I showed up stoned. FML

#6599049
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25713) - you deserved it (2913)

On 12/04/2009 at 12:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I found out that just because you're drunk, it doesn't make it okay to call your mother-in-law a fat slag. However, it does make it okay for your wife to knee you in the snow globes. FML

#6599042
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6319) - you deserved it (41193)

On 12/04/2009 at 12:33pm - love - by mainlaw (man) - Ireland (Wexford)



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