Today, my boss sat me down to discuss the sounds my co-workers have heard coming from my cubicle. Apparently my music sounds like the background tracks from shitty soft-core porn movies. I'm getting a three day suspension while they go through all my files. FML
by ImScrewed / 08/02/2011 at 1:47pm / United States (California) / Work
shutup_matt's comment : What kind of crappy music do you listen to?
Today, I decided to play with my dog. I sat on the ground and whistled for him to come to me. I smiled when I saw him running at my happily. He sniffed me, turned around, lifted his leg and peed on me. FML
by Username / 08/02/2011 at 1:35pm / United States / Animals
by jared77 / 08/02/2011 at 12:26pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation
by Username / 08/02/2011 at 10:52am / United States (Texas) / Health
by chinchilla4404 / 08/02/2011 at 10:17am / United States / Health
SGarcia22's comment : how do you do that?
Today, it was a warm day out so I left my car windows slightly open while I was at work. One of the local bums apparently thought this was a perfect opportunity to use my open driver's side window as a barf receptacle. FML
by Username / 08/02/2011 at 3:55am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Username / 08/02/2011 at 2:46am / United States / Miscellaneous
by ohcrap / 08/02/2011 at 12:58am / United States (Colorado) / Kids
StopDropNRoll's comment : Sounds like a great conversation starter!
by INside / 08/02/2011 at 12:52am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I was in a cinema watching a movie to review in the local paper. Suddenly, the guy behind me leans in and starts whispering and hissing "Do it... Do... It. DO IT" for the rest of the movie. I'm still not sure what he wanted me to do, but he did smell of vomit and had a tea-cosy on his head. FML
by Username / 08/02/2011 at 12:43am / Australia / Miscellaneous
by HaHa Not Funny / 08/02/2011 at 12:13am / United States (North Carolina) / Love
by Username / 08/01/2011 at 10:46pm / United States (Missouri) / Health
Today, my grandmother updated her will. Previously, it denied inheritance to family members with non-white spouses, and any mixed-raced children. Now it does the same with politically correct terminology. She then bragged about how accepting she is in front of my Korean husband and our daughter. FML
by Anonymous / 08/01/2011 at 8:59pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous