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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I found out why my roommate and best friend comes home late three nights a week. She goes to get drunk with some guy, then goes back to his house to hook up. Who is this guy? The guy I've been dating for three years. FML

#9139236
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34268) - you deserved it (2816)

On 03/16/2010 at 7:17pm - love - by latenightbite - United States

Today, my boyfriend of a year dumped me. In my opinion, the relationship was going so well and I really thought we loved each other. When I asked why, he told me he never loved me. He just wanted to get in my pants which after a year of refusing, he finally did. FML

#9138993
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26617) - you deserved it (5295)

On 03/16/2010 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, as I was pulling out of the school parking lot I was blasting my music and feeling pretty awesome, I got a few honks and felt even cooler. Until some lady pulled up next to me and told me I had left my binder on the roof and all my papers were all over the road behind me. FML

#9138869
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7351) - you deserved it (38376)

On 03/16/2010 at 7:03pm - misc - by Midge (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up to go pee and my cat followed me into the bathroom as usual. Then, in a not so usual fashion, she tried to jump from the sink to the top of the toilet, missed, and fell into the bowl while I was peeing. I'm scratched in a bad place, I have urine to clean up off the bathroom floor, and a traumatized cat. FML

#9135717
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33584) - you deserved it (4785)

On 03/16/2010 at 4:51pm - animals - by Adam (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out my fiancé is in a long distance relationship with his ex. Not only do we live on the same island, he's also my neighbor and my co-worker. FML

#9134899
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26932) - you deserved it (3039)

On 03/16/2010 at 4:14pm - love - by KMAC (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I noticed a cute girl in the checkout lane at the store. Feeling a little flirtatious, I decided to blow a bubble with my gum to get her attention. I accidentally shot the gum out of my mouth onto the guy next to me, spitting all over myself in the process. FML

#9134827
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9482) - you deserved it (36964)

On 03/16/2010 at 4:12pm - love - by splitzville (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my schlong decided to enter Mortal Kombat with my pants zipper. Guess which of the two won a flawless victory? FML

#9133208
278 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27099) - you deserved it (6972)

On 03/16/2010 at 2:55pm - health - by liu_kang - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend since I believed him to be cheating on me with another woman, something he adamantly denied. I went to his house to get all my stuff back. After I left, I discovered a silk thong that definitely did not belong to me, in amongst my clothes. FML

#9132820
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27838) - you deserved it (4150)

On 03/16/2010 at 2:35pm - love - by Busted (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I had four teeth pulled, and my mom brought me some ice cream to help with the pain. I fell asleep before I could finish it, and without realising, I left the bowl on my bed. I woke up a few hours later with ice cream spilled all over me, my pants, and all over my now-dead phone. FML

#9131869
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23848) - you deserved it (9795)

On 03/16/2010 at 1:40pm - health - by hkkilla - United States

Today, I was having an in depth discussion with my girlfriends father about how corrupt journalists are and how our town's paper is the worst paper on the planet. After insulting basically everything about the newspaper, I asked him what he did for a living. He's the editor of the newspaper. FML

#9130183
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13173) - you deserved it (43745)

On 03/16/2010 at 12:00pm - misc - by annonoymus - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I learned that in Japan there are monkeys that wait tables and work at a tavern. Literally, I have a job a monkey can do. FML

#9129865
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27758) - you deserved it (5052)

On 03/16/2010 at 11:30am - work - by slickboy0023 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, the water in my shower wouldn't drain so I used a snake to unclog it. I pulled almost a full foot of nasty hair and gunk out of the drain. I just moved in, and the previous owner was an elderly woman. I just pulled a foot of old lady pubes out of my drain. FML

#9129175
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34550) - you deserved it (3033)

On 03/16/2010 at 10:40am - misc - by please_no (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I dropped my car keys down the elevator shaft at my dorm. I had parked my car at a parking meter, and now had no way to get change out of my car. It took six hours for someone to get my keys, and I now have a $75 parking ticket. FML

#9128496
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22429) - you deserved it (4327)

On 03/16/2010 at 9:31am - misc - by Lea (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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