Today, my five year old niece decided to wake me up by shoving blasting earphones in my ears. Five hours later I can still hear Justin Bieber shrieking "Baby". FML

by my ears are dying / 06/22/2011 at 2:37pm / United States / Kids

mk58's comment : Your eardrums are scarred for life.

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Today, I complimented a girl on her stockings pattern. Turns out she wasn't wearing stockings. FML

by jordeshting / 06/22/2011 at 11:28am / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Miscellaneous

iAmScrubs's comment : Your stockings pattern is quite intriguing young lassie.

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Today, I learned how to wolf-whistle properly, and then learned what it feels like to be slapped on the head. FML

by youknowwhatitis / 06/22/2011 at 9:31am / Australia (South Australia) / Health

Today, I was complimented on how big my penis was. I was complimented by the guy peeing next to me in the men's restroom at McDonald's. FML

by fmlguy382 / 06/22/2011 at 4:13am / United States / Intimacy

Livinia's comment : Would you rather him give you a random hand job?

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Today, my boyfriend bought me Kings of Leon tickets for my birthday. Since he thought I was irresponsible, he gave the tickets to his mum so I wouldn't lose them. The show is today, and we can't find the tickets. FML

by MollyMoodle7 / 06/22/2011 at 3:11am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I lost my dog. I looked around my neighborhood for hours, and found it under my bed asleep when I got home. FML

by Morgan / 06/22/2011 at 1:48am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, it was my first day at my new job. My new boss asked me if I was single. After telling him I have been happily married for 6 years, he fired me on the spot. FML

by Anonymous / 06/22/2011 at 1:35am / United States (Idaho) / Work

Today, my dad informed me that I will be staying in the bug-infested shed for the summer when I come to visit, due to his girlfriend's sewing workspace completely taking over the only room I've ever had at his house. FML

by justinj360 / 06/22/2011 at 12:59am / United States (Montana) / Health

Today, I was sitting next to a lady on an airplane who was very overweight. She fell asleep on me, and violently bled from her nose upon take off and landing. FML

by ifmlftw / 06/22/2011 at 12:03am / United States (Michigan) / Transportation

Today, I decided I was done waiting for my boyfriend to ask me to marry him, so we were cuddling in his bed and I asked him. He asked for a rain check. FML

by brokenbabe / 06/21/2011 at 10:38pm / United States (Minnesota) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my mother told my little sister and me that she has breast cancer to make us feel sorry so that we would clean our rooms. She is perfectly fine. My little sister still thinks that "mommy is going to die". FML

by anonymous / 06/21/2011 at 7:51pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I Googled myself. I found my mugshot and a blog my mom had written about how much of a problem child I am. FML

by badgirl / 06/21/2011 at 5:41pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was sitting at the computer browsing various websites. In my attempt to scoot the chair forward, I hit my knee against the desk that my computer was on, and ended up breaking it. I literally broke my knee sitting on my ass. FML

by Charles / 06/21/2011 at 12:59pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health