Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my new coworker told me he expects me to call him King Kong and bow down to him whenever he walks past. FML

#12080410
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28458) - you deserved it (3395)

On 07/24/2010 at 3:44am - misc - by earths_venus - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my boyfriend of three months texted me saying he loves me. I excitedly started texting back, "I love you too." Before I even got done, he messaged again saying, "Can you send a pic of your tits to me now?" FML

#12077771
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33418) - you deserved it (6476)

On 07/24/2010 at 1:23am - intimacy - by luvlessbootycall (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I tried drinking "Smart Water" for the first time. I couldn't figure out how to open the bottle. FML

#12077733
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10861) - you deserved it (34813)

On 07/24/2010 at 1:20am - misc - by tstaeger (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was cleaning a pan. I turned the water on, and it was super hot. My reaction was to slam my hand down. On a knife. So, not only do I have a burned hand, but there's also a huge cut on it from the knife. FML

#12077410
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26328) - you deserved it (9781)

On 07/24/2010 at 1:09am - kids - by HarvestMoon_gal (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out how much it hurts to be shot with a paintball in your open mouth. My mouth was only open to say I was hit. FML

#12072819
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31717) - you deserved it (7112)

On 07/23/2010 at 9:30pm - health - by owowowow - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was reaching for something in the back of the refrigerator. The bottle of hot sauce that was in front of it fell and broke. Not only did the glass cut my feet up, but the hot sauce got in the fresh wounds. FML

#12071239
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37168) - you deserved it (4326)

On 07/23/2010 at 8:06pm - health - by fiery (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to the mall. While shopping in a store, a woman bumped into me numerous times. Getting annoyed, I turned to her and loudly exclaimed, "Are you blind?!" Turns out she was. FML

#12070882
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11276) - you deserved it (45408)

On 07/23/2010 at 7:47pm - misc - by Not So Smart (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I realized that the only one willing to hang out with me this summer is my guinea pig. FML

#12069298
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26230) - you deserved it (5652)

On 07/23/2010 at 6:15pm - misc - by bored2death - United States

Today, my husband left for a two-week trip. Last night he gave the dog a treat of steak fat and gristle. My treat? I am on bed rest with my pregnancy and helpless to stop the rancid dog farts that are silent and smell like a burning septic tank exploded. FML

Today, my parents met my fiancée's parents for the first time in a large family gathering two weeks before our formal wedding. Both sets of parents were telling funny stories about our pasts. My dad's story won. He told how I spent a week in jail earlier this year. FML

#12061859
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26905) - you deserved it (10399)

On 07/23/2010 at 8:59am - love - by justmyluck25 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I met the man of my dreams. Beautiful, smart, academic, charming, a true gentlemen, totally my type. I am at a bar voted "the best gay bar in the world". FML

#12059383
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25890) - you deserved it (16509)

On 07/23/2010 at 3:39am - love - by V - United States

Today, while taking pictures by the pool, my friend wanted to use my camera. I told her to put the wrist strap on so it wouldn't fall into the pool. She dropped the camera while trying to put the strap on. FML

#12057570
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30462) - you deserved it (5172)

On 07/23/2010 at 1:58am - misc - by Me. - United States (Texas)

Today, while getting a lump in my private region examined by a very cute nurse, I got a massive erection. The smartest thing I could think to say at the time to her was: "I haven't been touched there in a very long time." FML

#12051058
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35902) - you deserved it (15363)

On 07/22/2010 at 8:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)



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