by ohcrap / 06/02/2011 at 6:05am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by meyo555 / 06/02/2011 at 5:45am / United States (Nebraska) / Health
iAmScrubs's comment : "Mom, can I let the internet outside for a pee?" "NOOOO! Never do that under any circumstances!"
Today, I was released from hospital after being in a car accident. I used the phone book to call people I know to get a ride home, as my wallet and cellphone were still in the wrecked car. I had called my mom to come get me, but her response was "I don't feel like it." I live with her. FML
by thanksmom / 06/02/2011 at 5:27am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
iAmScrubs's comment : Oh my god! You are a rare 2 hand masturbator. May I have your autograph? Be sure not to break the pen when signing the paper with your strong arms.
by Anonymous / 06/02/2011 at 3:26am / United States / Health
Today, a customer had an allergic reaction to the almonds in the sundae I made for her. We're supposed to put the almonds on unless the customer asks otherwise. She complained to my boss that I'd poisoned her. FML
by Unemployed / 06/02/2011 at 12:40am / United States / Work
by Anonymous / 06/02/2011 at 12:17am / Miscellaneous
RecklessJellyBea's comment : I'm surprised you were even invited.
by evomadrid24 / 06/01/2011 at 10:48pm / United States (Arizona) / Work
by GTR / 06/01/2011 at 9:25pm / United Kingdom / Transportation
by ven980 / 06/01/2011 at 5:21pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous
by Stiny / 06/01/2011 at 2:44pm / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 06/01/2011 at 2:06pm / United States (California) / Intimacy