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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I wanted to try my mom's new lipstick. I opened it, baffled, examined it carefully. That's when it started to vibrate. Obviously, that wasn't a lipstick. FML

#13961412
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28959) - you deserved it (10330)

On 11/24/2010 at 12:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Belgium (Brabant)

DocBastard's comment : "MOM! Your new lipstick tastes funny!"

See all the comments →

Today, I finally felt the effects of a laxative that I took last night. This morning, when I was in the dentist's chair. FML

#13960658
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25790) - you deserved it (6628)

On 11/24/2010 at 10:40am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my cute co-worker asked if he could use my computer. I told him my password and went to the bathroom. When I came back he said he'd finished. I tried to log in, but my password wouldn't work. I then noticed a post-it note on the desk saying, "Stop stalking me and I'll change the password back." FML

#13959673
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10187) - you deserved it (39114)

On 11/24/2010 at 8:18am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, after buying my girlfriend a $700 bracelet for Christmas, I hinted that I wanted a pair of Oakleys. She told me I shouldn't get her anything and that I should expect even less. FML

#13959024
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27666) - you deserved it (8257)

On 11/24/2010 at 5:55am - money - by hoogimo -

Today, I was helping an older lady return her previously bought items to customer service. As she walked away and said "Thanks," I tried to say "You're welcome" and "No problem" at the same time. I ended up saying "Your problem". She scowled at me. FML

#13958781
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22926) - you deserved it (8013)

On 11/24/2010 at 4:52am - work - by romedizzle (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my best friend was fired from the place we both work at because she's a bad employee. After they fired her she said, "If I go, I'm taking my best friend with me." So they fired me too. I actually liked that job. FML

#13958382
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36265) - you deserved it (3949)

On 11/24/2010 at 3:45am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went shopping with my parents. Halfway through, I got separated from them and tried to call them only to find out my cell phone battery was flat. A few minutes later, an announcement was made for a lost child. It was by my parents. I'm 36. FML

#13957854
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34344) - you deserved it (5028)

On 11/24/2010 at 2:35am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Singapore

Today, I went to the bank to get a temporary debit card since I lost my wallet a week ago. On my drive across the street from the bank to the DMV a car slammed into mine at the intersection, nearly totaling my car. The movie theater I went to last week just called and said they'd found my wallet. FML

#13957675
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24990) - you deserved it (3367)

On 11/24/2010 at 2:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I had just finished writing my rough draft essay, so I went to sit by the pond. A giant moth suddenly flew down and attacked me, causing me to drop my binder in the pond, ruining the essay. I discovered in the aftermath that the moth was actually a leaf. FML

#13957049
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12051) - you deserved it (31775)

On 11/24/2010 at 1:08am - misc - by cali (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I received my acceptance letter to one of the most prestigious universities in the US, as well as a nice scholarship. I was so proud of myself, I eagerly showed my dad, hoping he would shed a tear or two. His only words were, "Just get a job so you can get the hell out of my house." FML

#13956105
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35789) - you deserved it (3592)

On 11/23/2010 at 11:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was forced to go to the mall with my dad. He wore a bear suit the entire time. FML

#13954362
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29459) - you deserved it (4972)

On 11/23/2010 at 9:37pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I woke up early and went to the dermatologist's, only to have them tell me that the skin condition I have that causes big, white spots to appear is chronic and I can do nothing about it. But they did give me cream for a different skin condition they found. FML

#13953523
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23822) - you deserved it (2251)

On 11/23/2010 at 8:40pm - health - by Username - United States

Today, at work, I handed an old man his drink, and our fingers accidentally brushed. He gave me a creepy wink and a smile, but I ignored it. He's now been sitting in the store for two hours watching me. Only 4 hours to go until I get off. FML

#13950658
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27082) - you deserved it (2348)

On 11/23/2010 at 3:53pm - work - by Username -



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