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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I met a man at the bar, and he asked me to go home with him. The problem? He's 80. I'm 29. The bigger problem? I considered it. It's been that long. FML

#12231290
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26263) - you deserved it (16472)

On 07/31/2010 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I walked in on my cat trying to mate with my favorite sweater. FML

#12226280
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26208) - you deserved it (6435)

On 07/31/2010 at 1:04pm - intimacy - by anon - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)

Today, I woke up to my English bulldog standing over me, getting ready to pee. I didn't move in time. FML

#12225863
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30695) - you deserved it (5213)

On 07/31/2010 at 12:28pm - misc - by Monkey (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was meeting my husband's old friends at his 20 year high school reunion. He introduced me as his 'friend from work' to his ex girlfriend. FML

#12224799
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41632) - you deserved it (3527)

On 07/31/2010 at 11:03am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my parents switched phone companies, which changed the phone number. Two days ago, I dropped off over 15 job applications with my 'old' number on all of them. There is a waiting period before I can reapply anywhere. FML

#12221495
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30015) - you deserved it (3963)

On 07/31/2010 at 3:35am - work - by telefucked (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I found out that the day I moved out of my parents' house, they invited my whole family over and had a party to celebrate the fact that I was gone. FML

#12218347
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29541) - you deserved it (5057)

On 07/31/2010 at 12:39am - misc - by college kid - United States (Florida)

Today, I was repainting the walls in my room. While painting, I noticed a dark spot on the wall that wouldn't seem to go away no matter how much paint I put on it. A bucket of paint and hours later, I realized that "dark spot" was a shadow. FML

#12214891
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7927) - you deserved it (54425)

On 07/30/2010 at 9:44pm - misc - by ick - United States (California)

Today, I was visiting my girlfriend at her house. We heard the door bell ring. She told me to jump out the window thinking it was her dad. I jumped, landed wrong, and got hurt. It turns out we were ding-dong-ditched. FML

#12212873
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14562) - you deserved it (26100)

On 07/30/2010 at 7:40pm - love - by nitroman64 (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my 20 year old son decided it would be funny to unbuckle my seat belt while the cops were right beside us. FML

#12212564
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28734) - you deserved it (3727)

On 07/30/2010 at 7:23pm - misc - by anne (woman) - Canada

Today, while at the restaurant I work at, a bunch of kids came in. They all gave incredibly complex orders, laughed at everything I did, and made a huge mess by "spilling" hot sauce and water all over the floor. After they left, I was tipped eleven cents. FML

#12209813
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43402) - you deserved it (3346)

On 07/30/2010 at 4:00pm - work - by MLZ (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my husband told me "The only reason I stay with you is because it's cheaper than paying child support." FML

#12203978
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40306) - you deserved it (5460)

On 07/30/2010 at 7:34am - love - by Tree (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I got a XXX wax, because my boyfriend wouldn't go down on me as he didn't like the hair. Now he won't sleep with me at all because I look like a child with no pubic hair, and he "feels like a pedophile." FML

#12201100
267 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41405) - you deserved it (9756)

On 07/30/2010 at 2:45am - intimacy - by hairless (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my girlfriend and I went on vacation. We flew 2000 miles, got off the plane, got our bags and stood outside the airport for our ride. She looks at me and says, "I can't do this anymore." So, she broke up with me and flew back home. Now I'm on vacation alone. FML

#12201000
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43177) - you deserved it (3817)

On 07/30/2010 at 2:38am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)



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