Today, I realized that I look sexier in my fiancée's panties than she does. FML

by Joe / 07/08/2011 at 2:48pm / United States / Intimacy

saIty's comment : Maybe it's time for you to stop shaving your legs.

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Today, I went into hospital for knee surgery. When I awoke, I was surprised to find a bandage wrapped around my throbbing head. The nurse explained that a student observer had fainted in the operating room and his head had smashed against mine on the way down. FML

by Anonymous / 07/08/2011 at 11:46am / Belgium (Liege) / Health

destr0yer's comment : great hospital you are at

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Today, my family got together to read my grandpa's will. He gave all of his grandkids $400 each. Except me. It seems he thought I'd see the funny side in being bequeathed a blow-up sex doll. FML

by Jack / 07/08/2011 at 11:10am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

rhyleigh's comment : I would actually be happy that he gave you something personal.

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Today, I realized I have no life after I created a fake Facebook account, posted an insulting message on my wall, and then engaged in a vicious argument with it, just so I could impress my friends. FML

by jen / 07/08/2011 at 10:57am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to an amateur baseball game with some family and friends. When our team hit a home run, my grandpa took it upon himself to start screaming wildly, removing his prosthetic leg and waving it jubilantly in the air. FML

by Username / 07/08/2011 at 9:24am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my extremely paranoid boyfriend called me a whore and threatened to break up with me, all because he had a dream in which I had sex with my ex. I'm still a virgin. FML

by wronged / 07/08/2011 at 4:41am / Singapore / Intimacy

Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his friends about how great the sex was last night, and how he loves to "make a bitch bend over". We've been dating for 3 years, and haven't made love in several weeks. FML

by Username / 07/08/2011 at 2:12am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my drunk father chased me down the street with my little brother's light saber screaming, "Come back Yoda! Teach me how to use the force!" FML

by Yoda / 07/08/2011 at 1:23am / United States (New York) / Geek

Today, my girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for 3 years. She's pregnant. I'm a virgin. FML

by Nick / 07/08/2011 at 1:19am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, after not receiving my paycheck for over a month, I confronted my boss about it. His response? "You still work here?" FML

by outofajob / 07/08/2011 at 1:10am / United States / Work

Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML

by chumleevil / 07/08/2011 at 12:20am / United States (Maine) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because apparently my mom hates him and doesn't want us to be together. My mom died six years ago. FML

by anonbob / 07/07/2011 at 9:28pm / New Zealand (Wellington) / Love

Today, I met my boyfriend's sophisticated grandparents. I politely introduced myself. The first words to come out of his granny's mouth were, "If something happens to him, you won't get a f*cking cent of the insurance money, you hear?" FML

by Jessica / 07/07/2011 at 8:58pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Money