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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was late to dinner with my anal-retentive parents because my boyfriend was too busy making cock puppets in the shower to get ready to go. FML

#8339859
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15193) - you deserved it (2961)

On 02/16/2010 at 2:20pm - intimacy - by tacolove69 - United States (California)

Today, a black cat crossed in front of my truck and I thought to myself that it was funny people believe black cats bring bad luck. Not even two minutes later, I drove my truck into a ditch. FML

#8338090
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19110) - you deserved it (9264)

On 02/16/2010 at 12:56pm - animals - by matiasbarbero - United States

Today, while working at my new job at a veterinary hospital, I was excited that I set a urinary catheter in a dog for the first time. I guess I was a little too enthusiastic though, because I pulled it out too fast and bloody urine splashed up all over my face. FML

#8336704
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7371) - you deserved it (27968)

On 02/16/2010 at 11:43am - work - by alex (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I sat a client down for his haircut. He pulled off his hat and his hair was dripping wet. I asked him if he had just washed it. He responded, "No, but isn't it a hot day out?" No, it's twenty degrees and overcast today. FML

#8336543
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24138) - you deserved it (2144)

On 02/16/2010 at 11:35am - work - by kennarama (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my husband told me to hold out my hand. He opened his, and in mine dropped a giant mutant tooth he had pulled a few months ago. FML

#8332517
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20325) - you deserved it (2349)

On 02/16/2010 at 6:51am - misc - by fmlpgh - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I invited my boss for supper as we get on pretty well. Everything was going well, until my German Shepherd bit him. FML

#8331914
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21396) - you deserved it (4727)

On 02/16/2010 at 5:46am - work - by MikeIsMaster (man) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I got a call from the police saying they found my stolen car. Not only did I not know my car was stolen, but it was completely stripped. No tires or doors left, and the engine was taken apart. FML

#8331359
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24694) - you deserved it (1887)

On 02/16/2010 at 4:37am - money - by troyrm85 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to the shops with my little sister. We had to walk through the lingerie section of the store to get to another part. My sister then yells at the top of her voice 'stop following me you freak'. I had security escort me out of the store, and got many dirty looks. She thought it was hilarious. FML

#8330425
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28269) - you deserved it (2725)

On 02/16/2010 at 3:18am - misc - by Timv86 (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was docked and fined in my dorm building because of multiple noise complaints. What was I doing that was so noisy? I slipped in the shower and banged my head against the floor. Then when I reached for the towel rack to pull myself up, it broke and I slammed my wrist onto the ground. FML

#8329398
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25760) - you deserved it (2294)

On 02/16/2010 at 2:26am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while running, I sped up to show off for a cute female runner I'd seen before up ahead. I passed her and not more than a minute later she sprints past me. I couldn't catch up. She not only out ran me, but waited to tell me it was a 'nice try'. FML

#8327951
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6739) - you deserved it (29702)

On 02/16/2010 at 1:32am - health - by Out Ran - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was washing a stainless steel pot at my kitchen job. Every time I pulled it out of the dishwasher and examined it for dirt, I saw something orange inside it. After 3 run-throughs, I realized it was just my shirt's reflection. FML

#8324866
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6076) - you deserved it (30852)

On 02/16/2010 at 12:23am - work - by 3Airwalk3 (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had an interview for a college. The college is in Rhode Island. I live on the West coast. When I asked the interviewer if they got to the mainland by boat or by some other form of transportation, he told me Rhode Island is not an island. FML

#8324479
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5209) - you deserved it (58455)

On 02/16/2010 at 12:15am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I took my girlfriends virginity and had given it my all. When I had finished, sweating and tired, I looked down at her and smiled, obviously pleased with myself. She looked up at me and said, "Wait, was that it?" FML

#8317685
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24796) - you deserved it (5931)

On 02/15/2010 at 10:10pm - intimacy - by sadsexer23 - United States (Virginia)



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