Today, my neighbors got a rooster. FML

by negin / 03/22/2011 at 3:23am / Animals

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend in his bedroom. It was getting pretty intense, so he got up to close the door. While he was facing the other way, I took off my bra and sling-shot it so that it would hit him. Right when I let go of it, his mom walked in and it hit her in the face. FML

by Anonymous / 03/22/2011 at 1:54am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

jeepster7874's comment : headshot! plus 50 points!

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Today, my dad was stupid enough to think that the kitchen sink is a good place to clean a gas tank. Now, the whole house smells of gas fumes and I'm about to pass out. FML

by shakyhands / 03/21/2011 at 10:48pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I wasn't allowed to work from home, despite being ill enough to just take the day off anyway, so 'there could be someone to answer the phone'. The phone didn't ring once all day. FML

by letmeinplease / 03/21/2011 at 9:03pm / United Kingdom / Work

Today, I noticed a weird smell coming from my four year old daughter's room. I went to investigate and found she had been using (and hiding) her garbage can as a toilet for when she "can't make it in time." FML

by Anonymous / 03/21/2011 at 8:01pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I posted an event to have a get together with friends. Most of them put "not attending". I hadn't even set the date. FML

by lonely / 03/21/2011 at 3:15pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried to clock in at work, only to have the clock tell me I "wasn't scheduled", so I asked my boss what was going on. Turns out I was fired, and this was her way of avoiding conflict. FML

by anonymous / 03/21/2011 at 3:01pm / United States / Work

Today, I am taking a 16 hour flight. Five minutes in, the lady on one side has clipped her toenails onto me and the guy on the other side has the most horrific gas I have ever smelled. To help this problem he bought a cheese plate from the stewardess. 15 hours and 55 minutes to go. FML

by Anonymous / 03/21/2011 at 2:36pm / United States (Georgia) / Transportation

TODAY, I PRESSED CAPS LOCK ON MY LAPTOP AND THE KEY GOT STUCK. NOW ALL OF MY LETTERS ARE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. FML

by Anonymous / 03/21/2011 at 1:32pm / United Kingdom (Wiltshire) / Geek

lazerdude07's comment : wow...best FML ever

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Today, my boyfriend called my vagina "Chewbacca". FML

by fffmmll / 03/21/2011 at 12:58pm / United Kingdom (Derbyshire) / Intimacy

afdude87's comment : shave, for the love of god

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Today, I found out why my parents forgot my birthday. Facebook didn't remind them. FML

by Unlovedchild / 03/21/2011 at 11:03am / Miscellaneous

Today, my mum accused me of doing heroin because some teaspoons had gone missing. FML

by anti-drugs / 03/21/2011 at 6:57am / United Kingdom / Health

Today, I called my mom to tell her that I'm coming over for a visit. She answered: 'Why? What do you need? Food? Money? I'm not going to help you! You're a grown woman!' And she hung up. I just found out that I'm pregnant and she was the first person I wanted to share it with. FML

by kelly / 03/21/2011 at 3:07am / Estonia (Harjumaa) / Miscellaneous