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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, at school, I got stuck in the elevator and was about to panic before I remembered I had my phone. I called my mother and she called the school to tell them that I was stuck. They got me out in a few minutes and then confiscated my phone and gave me two detentions for using it in school. FML

#6252337
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47591) - you deserved it (2960)

On 11/11/2009 at 12:16am - misc - by noexceptions (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was at a Remembrance Day service when an old widow told me I had my "grandad's" medals on the wrong side of my coat. I told her that I was an Afghanistan veteran and that they were mine. She then berated me in front of the WHOLE service for "lying". FML

#6251729
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39926) - you deserved it (2434)

On 11/10/2009 at 11:36pm - misc - by Danners88 (man) - Australia

Today, I woke up next to the girl I had drunk intercourse with last night. Before we got it on, I noticed a package of birth control pills on her nightstand. Because of this, I felt no need to use a condom, or pull out. When I woke up, I noticed those "pills" were actually a makeup case. FML

#6248749
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6239) - you deserved it (53380)

On 11/10/2009 at 8:52pm - intimacy - by prayforme (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I found out that I'm 8 weeks pregnant. Tomorrow, I'm supposed to be leaving for Paris with my college abstinence group for a year. FML

#6247099
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10466) - you deserved it (72559)

On 11/10/2009 at 7:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Marshillboy's comment : I suppose... you could say... that this lady... [puts on shades]....Just got screwed YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

See all the comments →

Today, I got wasted at a party and went out to my car to get something. I went back to the house and realized I got locked out. After knocking on the door, ringing the doorbell, and shouting "LET ME INNNN" my friend called and asked where I was. That's when I realized I was at the wrong house. FML

#6246770
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6086) - you deserved it (33855)

On 11/10/2009 at 7:10pm - misc - by Abby (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was jumping on every crunchy leaf on the sidewalk. I went especially far out of my way to step on one only to notice it didn't crunch right. I looked closer, it was a dead bird. FML

#6246007
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24653) - you deserved it (16374)

On 11/10/2009 at 6:05pm - animals - by mhmohyeah (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I received a call offering me a job with the census bureau. I applied for this job 6 months ago while I was still fighting tooth and nail to stay where I was. Since I didn't get the job, I was evicted from my apartment, got on public assistance, and moved from North Carolina to Florida with my mother. FML

#6245909
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25053) - you deserved it (2114)

On 11/10/2009 at 6:04pm - work - by GillyPirate (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up in a complete daze. It took me a few minutes to realize what had happened. Apparently my sleepwalking problems have returned, only this time I managed to overdose myself with Nyquil. As a result, I slept for fourteen hours, wet my sheets and lost my job. FML

#6245965
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29799) - you deserved it (3523)

On 11/10/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was teaching a ten year old how to play piano. Halfway through the lesson, she made a minor mistake, which, trying to be a good tutor, I corrected her. She smiled up at me, paused, then slammed the key cover down onto my fingers. FML

#6245178
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36022) - you deserved it (2991)

On 11/10/2009 at 4:41pm - misc - by PiaNO (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I got a new CD player for my car and an alarm installed for added security. After work, I saw my windows smashed, the CD player gone, the alarm wires cut, and a note that said, "Try again." FML

#6243414
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32130) - you deserved it (2243)

On 11/10/2009 at 2:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I got an invitation to my "going away lunch" the company is throwing for me. I didn't know I was leaving. FML

#6243390
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28920) - you deserved it (1542)

On 11/10/2009 at 2:16pm - work - by jobless (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I talked to my crush for twenty minutes at Wal-mart. Then I realized I forgot to take off my Weight Watchers meeting nametag. FML

#6242607
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16754) - you deserved it (23142)

On 11/10/2009 at 12:53pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my roommate's boyfriend told me he would be driving the several hours EVERY weekend to come see his girlfriend. As a couple, they are constantly all over each other, and can't seem to break out of the annoying baby talk voice. Plus, they like to kick me out of the room to do stuff. FML

#6242295
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27748) - you deserved it (5215)

On 11/10/2009 at 12:04pm - misc - by ughhhh (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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