Today, my son is going through a rebellious phase. He's taken to wearing leather and chains, listening to death metal music all day in his room alone, and screaming at me in public places. He was fired from his part-time job for swearing at customers. My son is 29 years old. FML

by SheenaL / 06/27/2011 at 2:26am / United States (Washington) / Kids

chickunkey's comment : kick his ass out of the house.

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Today, my boyfriend told me that if I had a penis, our relationship would be better. FML

by grizzlybear / 06/27/2011 at 1:55am / Mexico (Distrito Federal) / Intimacy

Hillaryy789's comment : You deserve it for not having a penis.

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Today, I went camping. My tent is flooded, a raccoon ate all my food, I lost the anchor to my boat which as a result is now across the lake. Three more days. FML

by Tori Pearson / 06/27/2011 at 12:21am / Canada (Ontario) / Holidays

Today, my 15 year old brother, visiting me for the weekend, thought it would be a great idea to switch my expensive moisturiser for fake tan cream. I'm going to work in 12 hours. I'm fluorescent orange. FML

by WalkingTalkingCarrot / 06/26/2011 at 10:15pm / United Kingdom / Kids

Today, after a weekend of helping my sister-in-law move out of our house, vacuuming and mopping her bedroom and bathroom for her, scrubbing her walls and cleaning her shower, transporting her furniture and getting her carpet professionally cleaned, to cover costs she offered me $14. FML

by Mad / 06/26/2011 at 9:14pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Money

Today, my extremely in-shape boyfriend told me he hasn't had a chance to work out lately. I jokingly poked him in the belly saying he's getting chunky and winked. He burst into tears. FML

by kaplwv116 / 06/26/2011 at 9:08pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

dudeitsdanny's comment : It's funny how if this was a guy doing it to his girlfriend, people would be insulting OP to no end.. Instead people are mocking the boyfriend. No one likes being called chunky, or fat. Especially if he's one of those people who work really, really hard on their bodies.

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Today, I went on a third date with this guy, hoping I'd finally get some action. I got a high five. FML

by Anonymous / 06/26/2011 at 5:42pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, when my boyfriend said it was time to play with his baby, I figured he was talking about me. He meant his Xbox. FML

by luni / 06/26/2011 at 5:17pm / United Kingdom (Devon) / Love

Today, I was driving when a guy in a truck swerved in front of me. I didn't realize I'd sworn until I'd come to a red light and my one year old daughter yelled her own version of what I said. She now yells "Chicken in the hole!" whenever the car comes to a stop. FML

by Mommy / 06/26/2011 at 4:47pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids

Today, a friend posted the Facebook status "Ahhh... relief." Trying to be funny, I replied "Why? Did you just poop?" A few hours later, I read her previous posts and found out her dad's in the hospital having heart surgery. Now everyone thinks I'm a heartless dick. FML

by Anonymous / 06/26/2011 at 4:25pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my daughter spent three hours crying and having a temper tantrum over being forced to have a bath after four days without one. My daughter is 16. FML

by Unsanitary / 06/26/2011 at 6:32am / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Kids

Today, my sister told me not to come over anymore because her baby is scared of my face. FML

by ugly / 06/26/2011 at 3:02am / United States / Kids

Today, on the bus, a delusional old man had an extremely long conversation with me, referring to me as "Leslie" and talking about "our childhood together". Not wanting to hurt his feelings I played along. At his stop he got up and grinned at me, saying "I'm kidding. I never knew a Leslie in my life. Nice rack." FML

by Anonymous / 06/26/2011 at 2:12am / United States (Indiana) / Transportation