Today, as I was sleeping I heard something bang on my door. I walked on my balcony only to find my boyfriend throwing rocks trying to wake me. He didn't see me and threw a rock right into my eye. FML

by ouchmyeye / 06/10/2011 at 12:59am / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, my girlfriend and I were making out in a motel room. Just before we really got started I noticed that I forgot to close the drapes. Once I got up to close them I saw 3 maids and the manager run away. FML

by henry feingold / 06/10/2011 at 12:08am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

UnderstoodCat's comment : Perverted people...

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Today, on my way home from work, I decided to bring my pregnant wife a bouquet of roses to surprise her. Her response? "Why didn't you get me something useful, like chicken wings, instead?" FML

by Anonymous / 06/09/2011 at 7:23pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Hayman68's comment : She is pregnant so it makes sense that she would be moody and have cravings...

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Today, my new iPhone was stolen from my school locker. After canceling my service, sobbing, having my mom yell at the secretary for their lack of security and finally agreeing to change to a private school, I found it in the corner of my locker. FML

by Anonymous / 06/09/2011 at 7:02pm / United States / Miscellaneous

UnknwnClassicGrl's comment : U deserve it for overreacting! Geez, calm down!

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Today, I put lemon juice in my hair as a cheap and easy way to get highlights. I left it in my hair and I laid out in the backyard to get some sun. The sunshine wasn't the only thing that found me; it seems every bug in the neighborhood is now hiding in my hair. FML

by Anonymous / 06/09/2011 at 4:32pm / United States (New Mexico) / Animals

Today, I noticed a disgusting odor that seemed to be radiating off my brother. When I asked him about it, he replied, "I think it's ball sweat. I haven't had a shower in a few weeks, so it's hard to tell." FML

by anonymous / 06/09/2011 at 3:04pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I spent fifteen minutes looking for my phone in my car before I realized I was using it as a flashlight. FML

by Username / 06/09/2011 at 2:30pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I received roughly 50 paper cuts while I was at work. I didn't realize this until after I applied hand sanitizer. FML

by Anonymous / 06/09/2011 at 12:35pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Work

Today, my co-worker finally gave me a check for the money he owes me. In the memo line, he wrote "for swallowing". Now I have to go cash it. FML

by Patrick R / 06/09/2011 at 12:01pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I shat out a staple. FML

by wtf / 06/09/2011 at 11:04am / United Kingdom (Edinburgh) / Health

Today, while at work, I suddenly went into diabetic shock. As I was nearly passed out on the floor, a customer yelled at me for not getting his coffee in time. FML

by Anonymous / 06/09/2011 at 10:25am / United States / Health

Today, I used the staff toilets at school. As I sat down, I heard a sudden plop, followed by the stench of diarrhoea from the next cubicle. It was followed by a "I do apologise!" It was my English teacher. And we continued to chat. FML

by IPityTheStool / 06/09/2011 at 9:22am / United Kingdom (London) / Health

Today, I started my new job at a restaurant. I am going to be the mascot that stands by the road to wave down customers in a heavy polyester animal suit. The high today is 102. I work 12-4. FML

by aeghw1s / 06/09/2011 at 7:50am / United States (Missouri) / Work