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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my mom decided our whole family is going on a diet. Why? Because the vet told us our dog is overweight, and she "didn't want Twix to suffer alone." FML

#10501426
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30209) - you deserved it (4340)

On 05/13/2010 at 2:01am - health - by fatpooch (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I came home after ten hours at work to find my unemployed wife and 4 kids sprawled out watching TV waiting for me to get home and cook for them. I had to wash all the dishes first because they didn't feel like getting up or helping. FML

#10499435
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39157) - you deserved it (8294)

On 05/13/2010 at 12:07am - work - by justkillm3 - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I received an award from my school rewarding me for my honor roll and my cheerleading. When I brought the certificate home my mom congratulated me and hugged me. I worked really hard for this and all my dad had to say was, "Try this flavor of Doritos." FML

#10496358
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23938) - you deserved it (7748)

On 05/12/2010 at 10:18pm - misc - by honorstudent - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while at work, a woman left her credit card at my register. I tried to return it before she left. Seeing her getting into her car, I jogged after her and yelled, "Wait." She ran over my foot. FML

#10488066
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29899) - you deserved it (2738)

On 05/12/2010 at 4:07pm - work - by ab1e - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I decided to go on a diet to lose some weight before summer. This was followed by the arrival of a giant parcel full of candy from my mother. FML

#10481687
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22423) - you deserved it (5409)

On 05/12/2010 at 5:49am - health - by nick - United Kingdom (London)

Today, an old lady asked me the way to the shopping mall. The shopping mall was not too far away, but I could see that the lady could barely walk so I offered to drive her there. She smacked my car's door into a pole while getting in my car. She didn't even notice that she'd done something wrong. FML

#10464786
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27278) - you deserved it (5192)

On 05/11/2010 at 11:04am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands (Flevoland)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me through Skype, with the message "my penis wants more, but my heart and mind don't want to hurt you." FML

#10462251
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34979) - you deserved it (3856)

On 05/11/2010 at 4:56am - intimacy - by justsingle (woman) - Philippines

Today, I fell asleep and dreamed that I had won $500,000. In my dream, I used this money to buy a new MP3 Player, and then put the rest in a term deposit. Even in my dreams, I'm the most boring person I know. FML

#10448158
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30248) - you deserved it (7526)

On 05/10/2010 at 6:14am - money - by boring (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I was driving home from work when I was pulled over by a cop. She asked why I was being pulled over and figuring she knew I said, "For swerving because of my alcohol problem." I had a broken tail light. FML

#10446068
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6569) - you deserved it (47694)

On 05/10/2010 at 1:28am - work - by drewig - United States (California)

Today, if it wasn't already embarrassing enough to tell my boyfriend I was on my period, I had to explain what a period is in the first place, how it works, and why it means nothing can happen during that time of the month. He's twenty. FML

#10435467
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43681) - you deserved it (6031)

On 05/09/2010 at 12:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I realized that going back on birth control has made my acne go away and my boobs bigger. However, to my boyfriend's dismay, I've completely lost my sex drive. FML

#10435354
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34489) - you deserved it (4887)

On 05/09/2010 at 12:19pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was buying condoms for my girlfriend and myself. While at the checkout counter, my guy friend sees me, runs to me, puts his arm around me, kisses me on the cheek, then yells "Thank you baby!" There were about twenty people behind me, they all gave me dirty looks. FML

#10433872
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36943) - you deserved it (9515)

On 05/09/2010 at 10:20am - intimacy - by imustbegay - United States

chocolateybar's comment : YOUR FRIEND ROCKS :">

See all the comments →

Today, I had sex for the first time in months. His apology took longer than the sex did. FML

#10433797
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32067) - you deserved it (4680)

On 05/09/2010 at 10:15am - intimacy - by izzie (woman) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)



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