Today, our new cat, which my mum was hesitant about letting us keep because she believes they're diseased, gave us all ringworm. FML

by catlover / 06/16/2011 at 12:14pm / China / Animals

Today, my professor spent the entire class showing us how to make paper airplanes. I pay over 40 grand a year for college. FML

by Scholar / 06/16/2011 at 12:03pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, as I was mowing my neighbors lawn, I found the playboy magazine he left in his yard. I found it with the mower. I spent the next hour picking up little shards of naked women for no extra pay. FML

by / 06/16/2011 at 10:43am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my husband and I woke up to see my drunk mother passed out on our couch. She was just wearing socks. FML

by RedheadA / 06/16/2011 at 10:24am / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, my son invited his girlfriend over to our house just to break up with her. Then he asked me to drive her home. So I was then stuck in a car with a bawling teenage girl who lived over twenty minutes away. FML

by Username / 06/16/2011 at 9:20am / United States / Love

Overseer211's comment : At least he does it face to face.

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Today, I was working the register at our local McDonald's. After a strange man left a massive order, he said, "Can I pay you in gummy worms?" FML

by Hank Gummyworm / 06/16/2011 at 2:37am / United States (Michigan) / Work

sensoon15's comment : should've said yes. :) gummy worms are good

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Today, my family went on vacation. I had to stay home to take care of everyone's animals. I called my mom, she said she was too busy to talk to me. My sister asked who was on the phone, she replied "the dog sitter." FML

by crapped on / 06/16/2011 at 2:25am / United States / Animals

Today, I went from a party where both of my girlfriends decided to show, to a hospital bed with no girlfriends and a painful left testicle. FML

by crushed dreams / 06/16/2011 at 2:20am / United States / Intimacy

StormGirl142's comment : You deserved it, asshole. Don't cheat and this wouldn't happen.

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Today, I woke up to a burglar holding a gun. He yelled at me to get up so I did. He then paused and laughed. I was sleeping naked. FML

by mike oxsmall / 06/16/2011 at 1:42am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, a man came up to me and punched me in the face. He turned out to be the guy my ex-girlfriend cheated on me with. Apparently, she told him we broke up because I used to beat her. FML

by Ari / 06/16/2011 at 12:19am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my husband asked me to come see his turd. After saying no, he said, "What kind of wife are you?" FML

by randomjulz / 06/15/2011 at 11:53pm / United States / Love

Today, I missed my flight because I was held in airport security because I'd "threatened" an employee. He had confiscated my eyelash curler and jokingly I asked if he thought I was going to curl him to death. He didn't laugh. FML

by missy / 06/15/2011 at 10:42pm / United States (Alaska) / Transportation

Today, I found out the medications my doctor gave me for depression are making me fat. My main reason for depression is an eating disorder. Now, I'm fat instead of just thinking I am. FML

by DarkMaskDiva / 06/15/2011 at 8:24pm / United States (California) / Health