Today, I got stuck listening to my coworker bang on about how sexy her fiancé is for almost an hour. She told me about their sex life, described his dick in great detail, and showed me pictures of him shirtless. My coworker is 49; her fiancé is 56 and overweight. FML
by Jessie / 07/05/2011 at 12:34pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy
oliviarahhxoxo's comment : hotttt...
Today, my mother insisted I thoroughly water all the plants in and around my house before some people turned up. This would be fine except 90% of them are fake. She is convinced it will make them look "realer." FML
by omfgfmlife / 07/05/2011 at 10:32am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by chawlay / 07/05/2011 at 10:04am / United States (New York) / Work
Fx13mz's comment : COMIC SANS!!!
by Ella / 07/05/2011 at 7:48am / Australia (Queensland) / Love
by Noff / 07/05/2011 at 5:42am / Australia (Queensland) / Work
by davidthegreat / 07/05/2011 at 4:27am / Japan / Intimacy
Mr_mur_der's comment : Oh well, shave it off. Problem solved.
Today, I laughed when I saw my ex-girlfriend in her overall uniform, thinking she'd got a job as a janitor. Turns out she's as professional marine welder. She's 22 years old and earns my monthly salary in three days. My current girlfriend who was there with me called me a loser in front of her. FML
by eatmywords / 07/05/2011 at 3:06am / Singapore / Love
Today, 30 minutes before I was supposed to quit work at 6pm, my boss showed up. After telling him how the day went, he asked why I was still there. Apparently, for the holiday, we close early. 4 hours earlier. FML
by worksucker / 07/05/2011 at 1:34am / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex in the janitor's closet of the pet store where I work. We were really getting into it when we were rudely interrupted by dozens of salamanders crawling up our legs. I had forgotten to lock the cage before we started. FML
by anonymous / 07/05/2011 at 12:32am / United States (West Virginia) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/05/2011 at 12:30am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, while using the restroom at work, I dropped my keys into the toilet. I left to find something to get them out and figured nobody would use a toilet with keys in it. I came back to a bowl of dung and "Shit happens" written on the wall in lipstick. FML
by Stacy / 07/05/2011 at 12:04am / United States / Work
by danam / 07/04/2011 at 10:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I was jamming out in my car, tapping my fingers on the wheel and bobbing my head. At the next stoplight, I happened to look over and the passenger of the car next to me was holding a sign in the window saying, "I bet you don't have a boyfriend, do you?" FML
by brittbrat4 / 07/04/2011 at 8:25pm / United States / Miscellaneous