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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I woke up to find my power was out. After taking a shower in the dark and being unable to make myself lunch, my power came on two minutes before I had to leave for school. FML

#10669832
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26243) - you deserved it (3749)

On 05/21/2010 at 3:12pm - misc - by Samuel (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I swerved to avoid running over a dead cat in the road. Instead, I ran over its head. The crack of its skull was loud enough for me to hear it. FML

#10668547
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39020) - you deserved it (7989)

On 05/21/2010 at 1:26pm - animals - by anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying "milk the penis... miiiiilk the penis." FML

#10667407
310 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46814) - you deserved it (13782)

On 05/21/2010 at 11:46am - intimacy - by mperrotta913 (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I found out that I have been studying for the wrong final exam. One more hour until the test. FML

#10666872
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19556) - you deserved it (33960)

On 05/21/2010 at 11:01am - love - by finalssuck - United States (Oklahoma)

f_alltheirlives's comment : Bloody Mary!! Brandy Alexander? Are you asian? Mai Tai? Dr. Pepper? Tom Collins? Jolly Rancher? Jolly Roger? Tell me now!!! I'm all shaken!!! Not stirred...

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Today, I hadn't been out in two weeks, and I was looking forward to going to the beach with my friends. Instead, I rear-ended someone at a roundabout and had to go home. FML

#10664484
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9892) - you deserved it (21417)

On 05/21/2010 at 6:11am - misc - by CARnage (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I learned two important facts: #1 A grown man can, in fact, get beaten up by a teenage girl, and #2 If someone is convinced you are someone else, there is no telling them otherwise. FML

#10661974
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29088) - you deserved it (3976)

On 05/21/2010 at 1:04am - health - by mrmidi - United States (Oregon)

Today, I realized my boyfriend only asks me to come spend the night when he needs me to wake him up in the morning. FML

#10661591
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26215) - you deserved it (3635)

On 05/21/2010 at 12:40am - love - by humanalarmclock (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was having an affair with a girl from my work. She scratched my back while we were doing it and I didn't want my wife to find out so I threw myself down the stairs at work and ended up having to go to the hospital. FML

#10658705
545 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16995) - you deserved it (256939)

On 05/20/2010 at 10:33pm - intimacy - by Chichensoup (man) - United States (Oregon)

take_it_ez's comment : bahaha dumbass cheaters!

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Today, my boyfriend gave me a pair of ankle weights for my birthday. How utterly romantic. FML

#10656263
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23529) - you deserved it (4849)

On 05/20/2010 at 8:54pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my dad screamed at me, called me a monster, told me he wanted me to move out, and that I better start looking for an apartment. Why? I slammed the microwave door. FML

#10652042
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37772) - you deserved it (7221)

On 05/20/2010 at 5:32pm - misc - by fml - Canada (Quebec)

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he started pretending he was a dog. This included barking, licking my face, and scratching his ears. FML

#10649271
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36078) - you deserved it (6158)

On 05/20/2010 at 2:32pm - intimacy - by kjdhfakjs (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I finally got a job interview, and I thought it went amazing. They were supposed to call me today or tomorrow with the news. Today is also the day that my phone company decided to cut my phone off. FML

#10648270
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32038) - you deserved it (5165)

On 05/20/2010 at 12:58pm - work - by goodtiming (woman) - Canada (Alberta)



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