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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, while I was eating, a fly kept pissing me off. After three minutes of it buzzing around, I caught it and killed it. Then, without realizing it, I smeared its guts all over the front of my shirt. FML

#8663349
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5941) - you deserved it (24626)

On 02/26/2010 at 12:43pm - animals - by Shinobi_3 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I begged my husband to take me to the ER cause my stomach hurt so bad I thought I was gonna die. He told me to go sit on the toilet and stop being a drama queen. I drove myself to the hospital just in time for my appendix to burst. I almost died because my husband was busy playing xbox. FML

#8659721
360 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52481) - you deserved it (3773)

On 02/26/2010 at 7:55am - health - by Jeri (woman) - United States (California)

Jewelofagal's comment : Time for some serious discussions about the state of your marriage and his level of consideration, care, and respect for you.

See all the comments →

Today, I was walking past a group of old men exiting a building. All of a sudden, I heard a strange splashing sound, and discovered one of the completely inebriated men walking behind me, pissing on my boots. I sped up, but so did he, and he didn't miss once until he was done. FML

#8658955
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24666) - you deserved it (2624)

On 02/26/2010 at 6:17am - misc - by cman (man) - Romania (Iasi)

Today, my dog farted. Immediately, he turned around to sniff his stink then furiously licked his butthole. He then licked my nose. FML

#8658906
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25977) - you deserved it (7816)

On 02/26/2010 at 6:13am - animals - by aaalias34 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I bought Plan B for the first time. Not because I had unprotected sex, but to make the cashier think someone would actually sleep with me. FML

#8658890
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11361) - you deserved it (39507)

On 02/26/2010 at 6:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, I realized explosive diarrhea can happen, and at the most inopportune times, such as on the day of MY wedding. At the alter while my husband said his vows. FML

#8658648
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56071) - you deserved it (2966)

On 02/26/2010 at 5:23am - love - by pain (woman) - Japan

Today, I was finally hooking up with a girl I was after for a long time.Things got really hot and heavy but she stopped and looked at me weird. She said, "I can't do it, you're really wet. It looks like chicken fat." FML

#8658617
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19433) - you deserved it (3633)

On 02/26/2010 at 5:21am - intimacy - by humiliated - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was with my friend and her entire family at a restaurant. While we were eating, her brother who is really cute asked what "brown sauce" is. I said thats probably 'penis' sauce. I'd meant to say 'peanut sauce' but the damage was done. The entire family just stared. FML

#8658331
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11956) - you deserved it (21571)

On 02/26/2010 at 4:10am - misc - by princess4242 (woman) - India (Delhi)

Today, on the train to work, the train guard was hot and I became stupidly nervous. I'm very shy and was trying to avoid eye-contact. He said 'THANK YOU', in a pissed off tone of voice and glared at me. I had absent-mindedly been staring in the direction of his prosthetic arm the entire time. FML

#8658326
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22289) - you deserved it (6230)

On 02/26/2010 at 4:09am - misc - by ilovecowboys (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to yell out "Pass us the bong, Emma!" while I was on the phone to my mother. FML

#8658018
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22987) - you deserved it (5629)

On 02/26/2010 at 3:30am - misc - by UnfortunateGirly (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, a friend of mine sent me a message saying, "Man, I am so sorry but we were both really drunk and I swear it didn't mean anything." FML

#8654882
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23956) - you deserved it (3796)

On 02/26/2010 at 12:07am - misc - by single now - United States

Today, I found out all the money my dad has been saving in the bank for me since birth has all been spent, by my mother who I haven't seen or talked to in about two years. FML

#8654790
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28759) - you deserved it (1577)

On 02/26/2010 at 12:04am - money - by Julia - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my mother who is 75 years old just told me and my sister that we are adopted. I'm 45 years old and my sister is 49. FML

#8654763
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27156) - you deserved it (1896)

On 02/26/2010 at 12:02am - misc - by cmendez - United States (Arizona)



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