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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, at my wedding reception, I jokingly asked my aunt, who has always been convinced that I am gay despite my protests, if she believed me now. She took this the wrong way and drunkenly went around telling my guests that my wedding was a sham to convince her I was straight. FML

#14128663
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32244) - you deserved it (5031)

On 12/08/2010 at 4:40am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was messing around in my boyfriend's pants while watching TV. He was totally absorbed in the fishing show that was on. When the guy lost a fish, he got so disappointed that he became completely flaccid. FML

#14128362
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32500) - you deserved it (5766)

On 12/08/2010 at 3:46am - intimacy - by fishruinsex -

Today, after receiving a lovely massage from my boyfriend, I was lying topless in bed beside him. Just as I was thinking this would be the perfect opportunity for some intimacy, he looks at me and says, "my mom is SO awesome." FML

#14128244
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34004) - you deserved it (3818)

On 12/08/2010 at 3:22am - intimacy - by ooblie (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, feeling so depressed to the point of having suicidal thoughts, I texted a girl I had a crush on. Her response? "Can you please delete my number, you're getting annoying." FML

#14127475
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33763) - you deserved it (19078)

On 12/08/2010 at 1:26am - health - by whyme -

Today, I found out my no-work-experience brother has just accepted a 50k/year job. He is still in school and has never had a job. I work as an intern for 11 hours a day, get rude emails from my boss, and have 3 degrees and 5 years work experience. FML

#14126795
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32881) - you deserved it (4696)

On 12/08/2010 at 12:17am - work - by underemployed (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my custom printed Christmas cards that I reviewed twice before ordering, came in the mail. This year I will be wishing everyone a "wondeful" holiday season. I'm an elementary school teacher. FML

#14126790
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10709) - you deserved it (23717)

On 12/08/2010 at 12:17am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I planned to drop a water balloon on my visiting prankster brother from my new apartment's balcony. As he crossed the street, I launched the balloon, and sent it right behind him. It hit an eight year old on a scooter. FML

#14126136
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8937) - you deserved it (34650)

On 12/07/2010 at 11:20pm - misc - by bullseyed (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while working as a hotel guard I found a homeless man lying in the grass. I asked him to move and he ignored me, continuing to lie there with his head resting on his arms and a big smile on his face. I got annoyed and started to yell at him. After a few minutes I realized he was dead. FML

#14126104
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38240) - you deserved it (10368)

On 12/07/2010 at 11:18pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was extremely constipated. This is a side effect of the medication I take to alleviate my stomach condition. Due to this same condition I can't eat much roughage. We have no laxatives or stool softeners, and I have been shitting bricks for three days. FML

#14124824
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23996) - you deserved it (3349)

On 12/07/2010 at 9:38pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, while walking past a homeless man, I heard him comment on the woman in front of me saying, "I should come to this side of town more often, there's some hotties here." Then he saw me and said, "Wait, no, I think I'll stay on the other side of town." FML

#14124192
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28441) - you deserved it (3837)

On 12/07/2010 at 8:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out the animal that was gnawing behind the kitchen wall all night was indeed a wild rat and his entire family. FML

#14120407
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25364) - you deserved it (2740)

On 12/07/2010 at 2:12pm - misc - by rattness (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I sent a picture to my girlfriend of my erect penis with a quote saying "It's waiting for you." She responded with a picture of her left hand showing her left ring finger with a quote saying "It's waiting for you too." FML

#14120118
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14346) - you deserved it (87125)

On 12/07/2010 at 1:32pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

ysomad's comment : wow you're a loser

See all the comments →

Today, my daughter told my son that Santa is not real. Of course, being a child, he started to cry. My only problem is, my son is 11 and my daughter is 6. FML

#14120068
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38015) - you deserved it (6550)

On 12/07/2010 at 1:25pm - kids - by Cherie - United States (New York)



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