Today, I found out that if I don't get fillings in at least ten of my teeth within the next year, I could lose them all. I'm 19. FML

by gkid92 / 08/16/2011 at 12:16pm / Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador) / Health

Petronix's comment : Ever heard of floss and a toothbrush?

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Today, I introduced my parrot to oranges. Now she makes a high pitched scream if I don't give her any, and I've just run out of oranges. FML

by bursteardrums / 08/16/2011 at 11:00am / United Kingdom (Devon) / Miscellaneous

iAmScrubs's comment : Be gentle when you break the news to it, but the parrot needs to go to rehab. It might be screaming now, but the next step is orange juice injections.

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Today, while driving into work, a guy cut me off and I yelled some nasty things out of my window at him. He heard me, followed me to work, took a baseball bat out and then chased me into the office. He also smashed my windshield on his way out. FML

by erineilis / 08/16/2011 at 10:22am / United States (New York) / Transportation

the_easter_bunny's comment : I hope you got his license plate number so you can press charges.

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Today, I heard that a boy in my class had written a song about me. Intrigued, I went to see him perform. I spent 3 excruciating minutes listening to a song about 'the girl of his dreams', his tear-filled eyes staring into mine the whole time. I have to sit next to this freak for the next 2 years. FML

by worried / 08/16/2011 at 9:20am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Love

Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML

by NaniNarcotic / 08/16/2011 at 6:17am / Australia (Victoria) / Animals

Today, my mom was convinced that the lawn gnomes we bought from Wal-Mart were secretly conspiring to kill us. FML

by Stevie / 08/16/2011 at 2:52am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I biked 15 km to my girlfriend's house in really heavy rain to surprise her. Turns out she's on holiday in Spain, and hadn't bothered to tell me. FML

by 800z / 08/16/2011 at 2:44am / United Kingdom (Essex) / Love

Today, I was caught and fined for picking a lock. I have OCD. I was picking the padlock on a toilet paper holder in a public toilet because the roll was the wrong way round. FML

by Anon / 08/16/2011 at 2:27am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my little brother proudly informed me that he found a way to suck pool water up his asshole. FML

by Gross... / 08/16/2011 at 2:22am / United States (Arizona) / Kids

Today, my mom showed up completely hammered to a party I was throwing. The party was to celebrate the ten years that I've been sober. FML

by Jillian Drute / 08/16/2011 at 12:54am / United States (Oklahoma) / Health

Today, a cute guy in a bar came up to me, and we started chatting. I'm a natural blonde, and he commented on how nice my hair was. He then followed this up with, "Does the carpet match the curtains?" FML

by Anonymous / 08/15/2011 at 11:31pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I met my new neighbor. His wi-fi access point is named "TheRapistDownstairs." FML

by creepedoutlady / 08/15/2011 at 8:30pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom threw out years worth of trophies that I'd put tons of effort into earning. Her reason? They all looked the same to her. FML

by Facepalm / 08/15/2011 at 7:09pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous