Today, my husband of three years told me he only proposed to me because his favorite football team was winning and he had been drunk. I had our second child three days ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (74520) - you deserved it (3424)
On 04/17/2009 at 9:44am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, my family and I went to a beach where you could swim with dolphins. I was a little scared to swim with them so the trainers had a 5 minute chat to me about how they were harmless creatures. Once I got in, the dolphin attacked me and bit me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55659) - you deserved it (6200)
On 04/17/2009 at 7:49am - misc - by Anonymous - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)
Today, I was having a dream that I was climbing out of a well. While almost out, I felt someone grab my knee; I screamed loud in terror. When I opened my eyes, nearly 25 people were staring at me. The lady across from me apologized for hitting me with her bag. I was on the C-train. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36291) - you deserved it (5284)
On 04/17/2009 at 7:47am - misc - by bluemonday - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I was about to get it on with a girl in the bathroom of my friend's house at a party. Just when things started getting heated, a pipe burst. Literally. There was water everywhere and everyone had to evacuate the building. I was cockblocked by poor plumbing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59745) - you deserved it (8550)
On 04/17/2009 at 3:29am - intimacy - by RotoRooter (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I was relaxing alone at a bar when I was approached by the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen. She was too good to be true, so I asked, "Is this some kind of a prank?" She immediately turned around and left. She thought I was calling her ugly. I'll never see her again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12870) - you deserved it (57259)
On 04/17/2009 at 2:29am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I forgot to take my wallet off the roof of my car and drove away, onto the highway. A man behind me began flashing his lights and waving his arms. I thought he was freaking out because I cut him off. I flipped him off. He was trying to tell me that all my money was flying down the road. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6108) - you deserved it (59213)
On 04/17/2009 at 2:12am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Right as I was really getting into it, he pauses, frowns, and says, "I think I see the pee hole." FML
I agree, your life sucks (78759) - you deserved it (5582)
On 04/17/2009 at 1:43am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I went to babysit. I was told the parents would be gone when I arrived. I went and started playing with the kids. All of a sudden I heard a scream. I opened the parents' door with a knife in hand to find them having sex. I got paid so adults could get laid. While I was there. 6 ft. away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50546) - you deserved it (2256)
On 04/17/2009 at 12:14am - intimacy - by babysitter (woman) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, the police posted a description of the car of a child abductor. As everyone slowed down to read the billboard, I realized that the car's description and license plate were very similar to mine. After getting death stares from passengers, I got pulled over. Twice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49830) - you deserved it (1577)
On 04/17/2009 at 12:11am - misc - by eyeamcool (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was home alone while my mom went out to dinner. I decided to hop in the shower, and I noticed my mom left her douche in there. After, I texted her telling her what I found and that it was gross. Her response? "It's not gross. It came from my vagina, like you and your sister." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39894) - you deserved it (16864)
On 04/16/2009 at 11:08pm - health - by duuuuude (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, my car got a flat tire. I jacked up my car, removed the flat and went to get my spare out of the trunk. Where my spare is supposed to be I found a note. It said "You're a bitch - John". John is my ex boyfriend. He borrowed my car the day we broke up, apparently he stole my spare tire too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43595) - you deserved it (7115)
On 04/16/2009 at 10:38pm - love - by jacked (woman) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I was driving home from school, when I saw this girl I like walking home. Trying to be polite, I pulled over and asked if she wanted a ride. After my offer, I was rejected as she said "No, I'm actually already home," and walked up the nearest driveway... MY driveway. FML
I agree, your life sucks (67323) - you deserved it (4700)
On 04/16/2009 at 9:16pm - love - by Kelavmeister (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I had to perform a lab in front of my bio class. I was mixing chemicals, when someone made a comment saying "What if it blows up?." Hearing it, I gave a 2 minute explanation about how it was impossible for it to explode. Two seconds later, the entire beaker exploded in my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10668) - you deserved it (40420)
On 04/16/2009 at 8:19pm - misc - by biologyfailure. (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Monday 20 May 2013
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↑ Dutchie2010's comment : hahahhahahahaah...you should have pulled into the driveway and rolled down your window and said "woah you live here too??"
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