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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was driving in the car with my boyfriend and he couldn't keep his hands off me. Nothing to complain about when your boyfriend likes to touch you, right? Except when he keeps smacking your jiggly thighs to watch the ripples and 'tenderize the pork chops'. FML

#6971374
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30787) - you deserved it (7105)

On 12/27/2009 at 9:19am - love - by porkythighs (woman) - Singapore

Today, I was in bed with my cat on my lap. No one was around, so I felt comfortable enough to let out a huge fart. What I didn't expect was my cat jumping up and then clawing and biting my crotch. FML

#6971032
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12255) - you deserved it (25267)

On 12/27/2009 at 8:04am - animals - by axwound (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I walked in on my mom and dad. It wasn't my dad. FML

#6970974
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28476) - you deserved it (2480)

On 12/27/2009 at 7:49am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I realized the closest person I have to a friend is the debt collector who calls me every day. FML

#6970939
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28025) - you deserved it (5992)

On 12/27/2009 at 7:40am - misc - by kanenakid - United States (New York)

Today, I bought a puppy. I just found out I can't bring it on the family trip. To save me the trouble of finding a friend to take her in, my mum handed her back to the pound. FML

#6969552
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30590) - you deserved it (3411)

On 12/27/2009 at 3:48am - misc - by DroopyDog (woman) - Netherlands (Flevoland)

Today, I was walking to the bus stop. I saw a chunk of ice and attempted to kick it. Sadly it was frozen to the ground, so I fell, broke my toe, and missed the bus. Even the bus driver was laughing as he drove by. FML

#6969489
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10863) - you deserved it (25282)

On 12/27/2009 at 3:43am - misc - by Icy (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend wrote 50 dollars on my gift card just to look generous, it's really only worth five. I found this out after I tried to buy an arm full of clothes. FML

#6969342
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32095) - you deserved it (2631)

On 12/27/2009 at 3:34am - money - by Cheap (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, the guy I've had a crush on came over to my house. My Dad came in to see how we we're doing, looks at me and says "Man... You've REALLY been puttin' on the pounds!", pokes me in the stomach a few times, and leaves. FML

#6968150
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29316) - you deserved it (3640)

On 12/27/2009 at 2:15am - misc - by Fatty (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend told me he likes having sex during my period because it makes him feel like he stabbed a small animal to death. FML

#6968124
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38749) - you deserved it (4124)

On 12/27/2009 at 2:13am - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States

Today, I backed out of the driveway of our newly built home. Being unfamiliar with the driveway, I ended up getting bogged in the mud and slid halfway down the steep slope of the front yard, trying free myself. I haven't met my neighbours yet. They stood in their front lawns watching me. FML

#6967912
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18821) - you deserved it (3666)

On 12/27/2009 at 1:58am - misc - by jaded_woman (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, Facebook told me I should reconnect with my husband. FML

#6967359
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29736) - you deserved it (7247)

On 12/27/2009 at 1:30am - love - by reconnect (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend had a Christmas party for all of our friends. He asked me not to get "too drunk". I think throwing up on the floor while simultaneously peeing your pants fit his definition. FML

#6966482
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4981) - you deserved it (39004)

On 12/27/2009 at 12:41am - misc - by Unfortunate (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my parents bought me an alarm clock that runs away from you while beeping obnoxiously when you hit snooze. I just had ankle surgery and am unable to walk. FML

#6966351
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27712) - you deserved it (2391)

On 12/27/2009 at 12:35am - misc - by Crippled (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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