Today, the gift my mother had mailed me for my birthday finally arrived. It was a gift card for Starbucks. A gift card that had already been redeemed. FML

by coffee girl / 07/22/2011 at 4:31pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in a pool locker room, surrounded by semi-naked people. While changing into my clothes, I accidentally pushed a button on my phone, causing it to make the loud, unmistakable camera shutter sound effect. Everyone definitely heard it. FML

by Roode / 07/22/2011 at 1:36pm / United States (West Virginia) / Miscellaneous

kwchambers92's comment : imagine explaining that one. awkward

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Today, my girlfriend put a paper bag over my head while we had sex. Her reason? Because she thinks she is so good in bed she was worried I'd hyperventilate due to all the excitement. Instead I fainted due to lack of oxygen after three minutes. FML

by quickfingers100 / 07/22/2011 at 9:38am / United Kingdom / Intimacy

grapisy's comment : Still counts.

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Today, I was helping a 7 year old student in my martial arts class with his kicks. My reward? A surprisingly powerful kick to the testicles. FML

by TKDConnor92 / 07/22/2011 at 6:51am / United Kingdom (Gloucestershire) / Kids

Today, I asked the girl I like to send me 'yummy pictures.' I got a picture of cheesecake. FML

by Anonymous / 07/22/2011 at 2:29am / United States (Texas) / Love

nolarboot's comment : Gotta love cheesecake though. :)

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Today, I lost my virginity to the woman of my dreams. I finished before entering. I'm 28 years old. FML

by James / 07/22/2011 at 1:00am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I paid $5000 for a new fence in my backyard for my dogs. My dog escaped three hours after the contractor finished the fence. FML

by dontfencemein / 07/22/2011 at 12:25am / United States / Money

Today, I am sitting at home, alone, playing video games. My wedding is tomorrow afternoon. None of my bridesmaids wanted to hang out tonight. FML

by bridetobe / 07/22/2011 at 12:23am / United States (Vermont) / Love

Today, my new mailbox key finally arrived. Not at the front door as I requested, but in the mailbox. FML

by MailMaster / 07/22/2011 at 12:20am / Australia (South Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked in on my mom and her friends comparing the differences in their nipples. FML

by oliverP123 / 07/22/2011 at 12:11am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, after babysitting, the parents actually tried to pay me in Trident Layers Gum. FML

by iwantmoney / 07/21/2011 at 8:20pm / United States (Ohio) / Money

Today, my three-year-old daughter rushed in, excited about her new baby brother or sister. She was so excited, I didn't have the heart to tell her men can't have babies, and I just have a beer gut. FML

by Anonymous / 07/21/2011 at 7:46pm / Australia (South Australia) / Kids

Today, I accidentally asked a one-armed man which arm he wanted me to take blood from. He asked for a different nurse. FML

by ohmygosh / 07/21/2011 at 7:35pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work