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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was on my third date with this really cute girl. After a very romantic evening, I decided to go for the first kiss, but because of my nervous reflex in which I get bloody noses, I ended up bleeding all over her face. FML

#12577034
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39895) - you deserved it (4657)

On 08/17/2010 at 3:10am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, airport security took away my 32$ eyelash curler, because it could be used as a weapon. I miss the 90s. FML

#12574406
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32953) - you deserved it (8970)

On 08/17/2010 at 12:59am - misc - by J.O.S (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I learned that I was conceived on a public bus. FML

#12573774
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41843) - you deserved it (4575)

On 08/17/2010 at 12:28am - intimacy - by ew. - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my friends thought it would be a good idea to make fun of a homeless man. I didn't fancy making fun of the less fortunate, so I stayed a bit back. Still, the homeless man didn't think it would matter to throw a rock at me after my buddies ran away. FML

#12573522
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25331) - you deserved it (13253)

On 08/17/2010 at 12:21am - misc - by Yay..... - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I found out that if my son and daughter in law are mad at me, they do it on my furniture. So far, they've done it on the table, my bed, and all the living room couches. FML

#12566492
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27603) - you deserved it (12501)

On 08/16/2010 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I came home to a dead fish duct-taped to the wall of my dorm room. I can't reach it. FML

#12566146
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32369) - you deserved it (3635)

On 08/16/2010 at 7:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my mother found out that I'm sexually active. She wants me to tell my father. I'm seventeen, and my father still has trouble grasping the fact that I carry a purse, because it means I'm "growing up." This should be fun. FML

#12566093
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34101) - you deserved it (18694)

On 08/16/2010 at 7:01pm - intimacy - by sarskii (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, the ice cream truck went by my house for the seventh time today, as it has for the last seven days of my fasting. FML

#12563686
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31137) - you deserved it (8103)

On 08/16/2010 at 4:35pm - misc - by IceCreamCraver (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML

#12563425
280 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53032) - you deserved it (6430)

On 08/16/2010 at 4:20pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to a job interview. The person giving me my interview was late, and while waiting for them I fell asleep. When they arrived, they didn't even bother interviewing me because they thought I was irresponsible since I fell asleep because they were late. FML

#12552420
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16088) - you deserved it (47004)

On 08/16/2010 at 1:17am - work - by nocanhaz - United States (New York)

Today, for my mom's birthday, we went camping. At night, my mom and her boyfriend decided to have "Birthday Sex" because they thought everyone was asleep. Trying to not make it awkward for me and my friend that I brought along, I kept still. Soon, I heard my friend going to town on herself. FML

#12552368
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47467) - you deserved it (4762)

On 08/16/2010 at 1:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Idaho)

xX_LilSammie_Xx's comment : that's hot.

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Today, my friends were all sharing sweet things their boyfriends had shared with them. After hearing "he says I look pretty without makeup" or "he promises we'll get married one day", I realized that the only compliment he's given me is that my laughter "sounds like a squirrel having a seizure." FML

#12552157
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28495) - you deserved it (5008)

On 08/16/2010 at 1:03am - love - by 86145 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I met my recently divorced mother's new boyfriend. He is missing teeth and has long hair and a mangy beard. Horrified, I left the room, only to hear my mother telling my sister, "The sex is phenomenal!" FML

#12550776
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32466) - you deserved it (3188)

On 08/16/2010 at 12:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)



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