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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I found out that when an officer screams, "DON'T MOVE OR I'LL TASE YOU", it really means, "If you so much as flinch I'm going to shoot and 50,000 volts will be directed through your nose and groin." FML

#6785905
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24391) - you deserved it (10687)

On 12/16/2009 at 11:02pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I tried to rid my son of his pacifier. He still uses it to sleep. My son is 20 years old. FML

#6783679
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31625) - you deserved it (22792)

On 12/16/2009 at 8:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I found my boyfriend of two years is a wanted man in the state of Texas, and was living under a fake identity for the past three years. What is he wanted for? Rampant identity theft. FML

#6783390
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28400) - you deserved it (2545)

On 12/16/2009 at 8:42pm - love - by Frauded (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after many, many attempts to get her out of my life, the girl that is stalking me told me that she loves me and our love can only be ended by her killing either herself or me. FML

#6781373
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41181) - you deserved it (2205)

On 12/16/2009 at 6:55pm - love - by cheezmaster (man) - United States (California)

Today, my little brother got mad at me, so he colored the entire screen of my new iPod Touch with a black sharpie. FML

#6780706
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35109) - you deserved it (4764)

On 12/16/2009 at 6:01pm - misc - by epiiphany (woman) - United States

Today, I was running the drive-thru window at work, when a man pulled up with his dog in the seat next to him. As he was counting out his change, the dog leaned over his hand and drooled all over it. Not only did he pay exclusively in coins, those coins were slimy from dog drool. FML

#6780153
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22647) - you deserved it (2449)

On 12/16/2009 at 4:53pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, it looked like rain so I held out my hand to catch a raindrop. When I finally caught one, I closed my hand over it and ran to show my friends to prove it was raining. I opened my hand saying, "Look! It's raining!" When I looked down, I saw that I had actually caught a bird shit. FML

#6779771
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10572) - you deserved it (29581)

On 12/16/2009 at 4:11pm - animals - by smellyhand (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML

#6779540
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27579) - you deserved it (5826)

On 12/16/2009 at 3:53pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, a mother and son were in my office. The kid wasn't feeling well and threw up. Mom covered his mouth with her hand, creating a vomit nozzle and covering me in puke. She yelled that I deserved to be sprayed on because I was not quick enough in getting a bucket for her son. FML

#6779433
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33349) - you deserved it (2241)

On 12/16/2009 at 3:43pm - work - by Andy (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend of over a year told me that he will never marry me because we are different ethnicities and his parents don't approve. I was of course very upset and crying. His way to comfort me was by saying, "Don't worry, I will always cheat on my wife with you." FML

#6778697
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40935) - you deserved it (3215)

On 12/16/2009 at 2:28pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, it's the first evening that my husband and I will have without the kids in 8 months. We had been looking forward to it for ages, and my husband had even bought me some lovely new lingerie for the occasion. Guess what? I just got diarrhea. FML

#6776898
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36188) - you deserved it (3350)

On 12/16/2009 at 10:43am - love - by eww657 (woman) - United Kingdom (Bracknell Forest)

Today, I worked for three hours writing very neat notes with one of those pens that erase. I felt very accomplished, so decided to share it on Facebook. I brought my computer over to my lap on top of my notes. Turns out heat from laptops smudges ink from eraseable pens. I can't read my notes. FML

#6775811
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9145) - you deserved it (25455)

On 12/16/2009 at 7:33am - misc - by ohhi_itsme123 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years confessed that he was sleeping with me and 5 other girls while we first started dating. He told me he numbered us and rolled a die to see which one he would date. I guess I won. FML

#6775724
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34140) - you deserved it (3410)

On 12/16/2009 at 7:09am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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