by frankkathy / 07/26/2011 at 1:07pm / United States (Texas) / Animals
by crotchshothottie / 07/26/2011 at 12:22pm / United States / Miscellaneous
goshpeople's comment : That's why they used the shot.
Today, the only thing that managed to get me out of bed was scrambling to watch my neighbours have a screaming match in the middle of our street about which one of their brain-dead kids spray-painted "CUNT FLAPS" and a rudimentary knob on the communal garage door. FML
by Anonymous / 07/26/2011 at 10:05am / United Kingdom / Health
Today, someone came over and told my mother, "I'm your son's friend Morris, I need to get something out of his car", so she gave him the keys. I have no friend called Morris, and now I don't have a sound system either. FML
by ceetee / 07/26/2011 at 9:35am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation
kirbinator's comment : who has a friend named morris?
by buggingout / 07/26/2011 at 6:33am / United States / Holidays
by Anonymous / 07/26/2011 at 12:30am / United States / Intimacy
Thale's comment : ... why would you take a shower when your girlfriend had finally come to your house to visit, anyway?
by Ep1cF4ce / 07/26/2011 at 12:03am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went shopping with my grandma. She went to the bathroom and was gone for a long while. I jokingly asked, "What happened, you fall in?" She did. She had shit all over the back of her shirt. FML
by Ima_Moronski / 07/25/2011 at 11:35pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Health
by unnamed / 07/25/2011 at 11:19pm / United States (California) / Kids
by j / 07/25/2011 at 10:03pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation
Today, a drunk crashed a truck into my porch. Shaken up, I was glad to see that so many of my neighbors had gathered around to comfort me. When the dust settled, I noticed my remaining porch furniture was missing. They weren't consoling me, they were casing the place. FML
by ypsitucky / 07/25/2011 at 9:32pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went on a date with a seemingly nice guy I met online. He was drunk when I got there. Within the first 10 minutes, he had told me I was "like Hitler but with boobs", and I was "offensive to the ninja community." Then he said I just wasn't all he had hoped for and left. FML
by ninja_blasphemer / 07/25/2011 at 3:24pm / Ireland (Wexford) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was home alone, and enjoying my freedom decided to walk around naked blaring my radio. What my mother forgot to tell me before she left was that a guy was coming to fix our dish washer today. Imagine our mutual surprise as I danced around the kitchen while getting a drink. FML
by youjustsuck / 07/25/2011 at 2:07pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…