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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I found cigarette butts at the bottom of the toaster. My mother has been dropping them in there for I don't know how long. FML

#16613518
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31499) - you deserved it (3004)

On 06/11/2011 at 4:36pm - misc - by Macy (woman) - Italy (Lazio)

Today, I found out all about my son's secret online double life. He's been moonlighting for two years as a male prostitute by the name of Peter Parker. FML

#16611980
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40951) - you deserved it (5134)

On 06/11/2011 at 1:25pm - intimacy - by Mom (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I dreamed that I was making out with a cute girl. Just as I was about to take it to the next level, she suddenly burst into tears and said, "I'm sorry, I can't do this." I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML

#16609106
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54570) - you deserved it (6861)

On 06/11/2011 at 10:24am - intimacy - by Ryan - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my parents grounded me and took away my phone, iPod and door. That's right, my door. They think that because I was stumbling and couldn't walk straight last night, I must have been out drinking. They know I suffer from chronic vertigo, but don't believe I was having an attack. FML

#16608434
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40882) - you deserved it (2930)

On 06/11/2011 at 9:06am - health - by sickbaby (woman) - Singapore

Today, my five year old daughter came up to me and told me she wanted to be a nun. When I asked why, she replied, "So I won't get my heart broken by a boy." FML

#16607799
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38321) - you deserved it (7380)

On 06/11/2011 at 7:12am - kids - by julia - United States (Massachusetts)

franticravyn's comment : that's cute in a way…

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Today, I woke up with bowel problems which have been causing me to violently pass wind every couple of minutes. I have to spend the next two hours sitting an exam in dead silence. FML

#16607175
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34022) - you deserved it (2974)

On 06/11/2011 at 4:48am - health - by pleasestop (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Miss_Michaela's comment : Go in there with your head high, and your middle finger higher saying 'If I have to suffer, so do all of you!'.

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Today, my dad awkwardly asked me how to selectively clear his browser history. Apparently, my mom discovered his browsing habits and tore him a new one for looking at "nothing but vile smut". FML

#16606089
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26754) - you deserved it (3011)

On 06/11/2011 at 2:37am - intimacy - by dadisgoatboy - Switzerland (Aargau)

Today, I found out that my dad makes me wear dresses and skirts not because I look pretty in them, but because he was sick and tired of people asking him if I was a boy or a girl. FML

#16605996
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38695) - you deserved it (5725)

On 06/11/2011 at 2:27am - misc - by mbesameh (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mother-in-law visited the house while my husband and I were at work. When we returned, we discovered she'd shredded and thrown away all the scribbled on papers sprawled on our messy desks. We're graphics designers. Those were rough sketches for about 14 different clients. FML

#16605766
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42449) - you deserved it (3230)

On 06/11/2011 at 2:09am - misc - by Mirorbo (woman) - United States (California)

Lythiaren's comment : Make her pay for that shit. Seriously.

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Today, my fiancé, the love of my life, informed me that he proposed because he was sure I'd say no. He was hoping it would lead to our breakup. FML

#16605468
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43260) - you deserved it (3450)

On 06/11/2011 at 1:47am - love - by Username - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I learned the hard way that yes, a fork can get stuck in your braces. FML

#16601397
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29214) - you deserved it (15506)

On 06/10/2011 at 9:32pm - health - by 8sq (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was swimming at the water park, when out of nowhere a lifeguard bombed into the pool, grabbed me, and hauled me to the surface, running his hands over my chest in the process. Apparently, the way I swim makes it look like I'm in my drowning death throes. FML

#16600238
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28597) - you deserved it (7139)

On 06/10/2011 at 8:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend. As we got to the ticket booth, a couple of girls queued behind us. My boyfriend graciously introduced me as his little sister, and invited the girls to join us. We've been together for two years. FML

#16599837
290 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49313) - you deserved it (6453)

On 06/10/2011 at 7:42pm - love - by sherryberry2013 - United States



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