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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I wrote a fake phone number on my neck to make it look like someone had hit on me. FML

#17702973
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8941) - you deserved it (38456)

On 09/09/2011 at 8:10am - love - by Kevin (man) - United Kingdom

SimmoRocks's comment : Your NECK?

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Today, I was driving my drunk mother home when my phone rang. It was my boyfriend, so I asked her to answer the call. My mother then questioned him on our sex life and was especially interested to know if we'd used handcuffs because I "like them." I have no recollection of ever telling her this. FML

#17702790
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29901) - you deserved it (4581)

On 09/09/2011 at 6:58am - intimacy - by psychicmother (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I was walking down the street when a police officer started walking behind me with his dog. I sped up and tried to cross the road. He took this as suspicious and got the dog to take me to the floor. I've been afraid of dogs since I was 5. FML

#17702644
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33293) - you deserved it (4167)

On 09/09/2011 at 5:59am - animals - by D (man) - United Kingdom

iAmScrubs's comment : Yes, I would've preferred it if was something more gentle that had taken me down as well. Maybe a turtle perhaps? Or a sloth?

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Today, a car backed into mine. I thought that was pretty bad, until another car backed into me right after I'd finished taking the first guy's info. FML

#17701558
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26390) - you deserved it (1802)

On 09/09/2011 at 12:51am - misc - by Mark - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to Walmart with my Dad, and he decided to kick me in the butt while I was walking. When I went to kick him back, I hit my own leg out from beneath myself and landed on my face. The most embarrassing thing was that the people who saw all started clapping. FML

#17701196
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22757) - you deserved it (12827)

On 09/09/2011 at 12:10am - misc - by Krystyn Gareau - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I needed to pay off a $35 parking ticket. To try and get some sort of revenge, I went to the bank and got 3,500 pennies, dumped them into a bucket, and refused to pay with anything besides the pennies. They called the police. I was arrested and cited $147. FML

Zaffro's comment : What on earth for? What did they cite you with? There's no violation of any law civil or criminal there...

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Today, I was on the phone with Microsoft Customer Service for about a total of 2 hours. That's the longest I've ever talked to anybody. FML

#17700838
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23697) - you deserved it (4214)

On 09/08/2011 at 11:30pm - misc - by Juicy12Jham - United States (Texas)

Today, the only thing my downstairs neighbor wanted to talk about with me is how she can hear us go to the bathroom. She also claims that she can tell which one of us is going, based on the noise level. FML

#17699997
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24466) - you deserved it (2191)

On 09/08/2011 at 10:07pm - misc - by monochrometea (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend told me she knows I've been cheating on her, and is desperate to prove she's "better than that other slut, or it's over between us." I've been pushed down and forcefully kissed ten times now. All because she saw a pic online of me kissing a girl. It was her. FML

#17699087
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40042) - you deserved it (4775)

On 09/08/2011 at 8:34pm - intimacy - by waj9876 - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was at the book store when a book caught my eye: Overcoming Anxiety For Dummies. I wanted to look through the book but I was too nervous to pick it up, thinking everyone in the store would look at me. FML

#17698757
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31601) - you deserved it (5667)

On 09/08/2011 at 8:01pm - health - by Mack - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to spend the morning and afternoon waiting for my uncle to take a crap after his hernia surgery. It never happened, and in the end I drove home, only to find the highway just as backed up as my uncle's colon. FML

#17697581
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19813) - you deserved it (2700)

On 09/08/2011 at 4:47pm - health - by wilmerjean - United States

Today, I went to my favorite drive-in burger joint for dinner. As I was nearing the end of my burger, I grabbed a cup from the cup holder that I thought was filled with soda. Instead, I got a mouthful of dip spit that a friend left in my car. FML

#17697276
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30884) - you deserved it (7520)

On 09/08/2011 at 3:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I bought a book by a #1 bestselling author, hoping it would distract me from having my manuscript rejected, as well as learn what made their book so successful. Now I realize I need to say stuff like, "I wish I had great boobs (hehe... boobs)" to get my works published. FML

#17696779
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24865) - you deserved it (3022)

On 09/08/2011 at 2:03pm - misc - by WishIWasAWriter (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)



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