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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I finally told the girl I've been after for more than a year that I'm attracted to her. Her response? A slight hug with a pat on the back as she said "There, there." FML

#16382753
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33175) - you deserved it (4179)

On 05/28/2011 at 2:54am - love - by fedemere - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to sneak out. As I was climbing out of my 3rd floor window, he got a text and moved the ladder. Now I'm in the hospital with two broken ribs. FML

#16382650
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21169) - you deserved it (32861)

On 05/28/2011 at 2:45am - love - by epicfail (woman) - United States (California)

Today, the girl I love made me text my best friend how much she loved him. This because her phone died. I was at the movies with her on our date. FML

#16382228
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37877) - you deserved it (5717)

On 05/28/2011 at 1:51am - love - by Fuckit - United States (Idaho)

Today, I was playing at a bingo hall, when I got a bingo for $50. I got so excited that I accidentally yelled, "Holy fuck!" They kicked me out. I didn't get the money. FML

#16381910
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17240) - you deserved it (41748)

On 05/28/2011 at 1:27am - money - by greenhide8 - United States (North Dakota)

AScic1's comment : You're a swearing, iPhone using elderly person?

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Today, I was working at a retirement center, when an old woman came to me and asked if I would like her old clothes. I politely said, "I'm sorry, but I'm a guy." She then said, "You could have just said no, instead of rudely lying to me." FML

#16380790
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35933) - you deserved it (4165)

On 05/28/2011 at 12:09am - misc - by Imaman - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML

#16378001
292 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39501) - you deserved it (17303)

On 05/27/2011 at 9:04pm - intimacy - by valerie - United States (Texas)

alex1432's comment : Well try using more than just your hands??

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Today, I was really psyched to go see Kung Fu Panda 2 at the movies. Excited, I tried to do a flying kick off the cafeteria wall at work. Instead of kicking off, my leg crashed through the plasterboard and got stuck. My co-workers had to pull me free. FML

#16377844
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8358) - you deserved it (47932)

On 05/27/2011 at 8:56pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I drove my boyfriend to hospital because he felt extremely ill. His buddies had gotten their hands on a taser, and he had the brilliant idea of being shot as part of a Youtube stunt video. Now I have an empty gas tank and have to clean up a puddle of vomit in my living room. FML

#16377162
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27871) - you deserved it (3428)

On 05/27/2011 at 8:04pm - misc - by moron - United States

Today, a girl I've been crushing on for over a year finally gave me her number. I lost the note at home, but found it a few hours later. I excitedly called, only to find she'd written down the number for the local Pizza Hut. FML

#16376796
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33568) - you deserved it (3976)

On 05/27/2011 at 7:30pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML

#16375821
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38043) - you deserved it (5738)

On 05/27/2011 at 6:09pm - kids - by diddlebuag - United States (Ohio)

Freeze's comment : Sounds like a fair payment.

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Today, I finally get to go home after a 16 day training event in Colorado. The plane has been sitting in the runway for over three hours due to lightning storms and we're not allowed to leave. We've spent more time on the ground waiting than the flight itself would take. FML

#16375097
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24688) - you deserved it (2887)

On 05/27/2011 at 5:13pm - work - by Username - United States

Today, I found out that since I stopped shaving my legs, my boyfriend and his friends have started referring to me as a Wookiee. FML

#16374893
332 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13226) - you deserved it (59465)

On 05/27/2011 at 4:57pm - misc - by FMLer (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I saw a hot guy at the laundromat. Wanting an excuse to talk to him, I tossed a pair of my red underwear into his washer. What I didn't realize was that he was washing his whites. Thanks to me, he now has an entire load of pink shirts and boxers. FML

#16374822
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7657) - you deserved it (72727)

On 05/27/2011 at 4:52pm - love - by nicole - United States (Oklahoma)



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