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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I realized the only reason my boyfriend is dating me is because he has a pimple fetish. FML

#17304312
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40023) - you deserved it (4927)

On 07/30/2011 at 12:35am - love - by Anonymous - United States

prettyinpink03's comment : so cherries aren't the only thing he likes to pop?

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Today, my 17 year old asked me whether to chew or swallow grapes. I raised this dumbass. FML

#17302566
278 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28506) - you deserved it (17115)

On 07/29/2011 at 10:10pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

hannahtaskey's comment : Kids learn from their parents you know...

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Today, while walking home from work, a young teenage girl ran up behind me and dumped a carton of milk on my head. She said, "The cow master baptizes you!" and then ran in the opposite direction, cackling madly. FML

#17301663
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34741) - you deserved it (3781)

On 07/29/2011 at 8:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

NickyK's comment : May the pasteurization be with you.

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Today, my younger brother and I got into a fight over who the favorite child is. My mom overheard, came in the living room and said, "It's your little brother, now shut up." She was serious. FML

#17301122
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36745) - you deserved it (6795)

On 07/29/2011 at 7:36pm - kids - by Username - United States

Today, the heat rash that has been devouring my side for the last week was revealed to be something much worse: shingles. FML

#17300096
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31571) - you deserved it (2813)

On 07/29/2011 at 5:40pm - health - by ivannooze - United States

Today, my sister announced that she had gotten engaged. I was happy for her until I found out she's marrying the guy who relentlessly bullied me all through high school. FML

#17300060
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36829) - you deserved it (2609)

On 07/29/2011 at 5:35pm - misc - by Username - Netherlands (Flevoland)

Today, I called my boyfriend to let him know that after he gets off work, he can find me in his room wearing something sexy. He responded with, "Please don't touch anything." FML

#17299203
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32326) - you deserved it (5059)

On 07/29/2011 at 3:56pm - intimacy - by Elizabeth (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I realized that since I started working full time, the only friend I have left is my cat. Lonely and bored out of my mind, I told him about my day. He decided to end the conversation by shitting on the floor. FML

#17298828
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31580) - you deserved it (5956)

On 07/29/2011 at 3:17pm - animals - by Username - United States (South Carolina)

Today, while walking home, the gods were kind enough to grace me with the sight of an old man jogging past me in nothing but a pair of short shorts. The image of his balls swinging to and fro underneath like a pendulum has been forever burned into my retinas. FML

#17298408
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29982) - you deserved it (4885)

On 07/29/2011 at 2:26pm - misc - by someone - United States

Today, my parents took me on a plane ride for a vacation in Hong Kong. What they didn't tell me was that the "vacation" is extended for three years. FML

#17297166
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43162) - you deserved it (2907)

On 07/29/2011 at 11:37am - misc - by xxxkkxxx - Hong Kong

Today, while working at Kohl's this woman came up to me and asked if I was Native American, I said yes, she then says "Oh! I thought you guys went extinct." This is the country I live in. FML

#17297056
328 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44925) - you deserved it (3529)

On 07/29/2011 at 11:18am - work - by crazygirl12 - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was in a restroom sitting on the toilet, when the guy right next to me noticed my AC/DC boxers around my ankles and started to sing "Back in Black." FML

#17296721
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25052) - you deserved it (9555)

On 07/29/2011 at 10:27am - misc - by sofargone420 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex, and it was my first time being on top. I got so into it that when I went to put my hands on the wall for support, the shelf above my bed snapped, with my favorite little cactus falling onto his face. FML

#17294808
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39018) - you deserved it (9918)

On 07/29/2011 at 3:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)



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