Today, whilst on a cycling holiday, in a somewhat hungover state, I accidentally chained my bike to the back of someone else's caravan. As I walked away, I heard a loud scraping noise. I turned around and watched my bike get dragged down a long gravel road and through a pile of horse shit. FML

by maybenot / 08/06/2012 at 7:25pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to scream for my dad to come help me, after I got my hair caught in a fan while trying to make the Darth Vader voice. FML

by :$ / 08/06/2012 at 6:08pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

MelTheGreat's comment : Your father... Oh, the coincidence.

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Today, I was at the store with my grandpa. When we were rung up, he started to pay for our myriad groceries in coins, and the guy behind us groaned. My grandpa said, "shut your mouth," and started ranting about how stupid people are to leave paper trails for "government spooks." FML

by for fucks sake gramps / 08/06/2012 at 5:37pm / United States (Hawaii) / Money

Today, I called in to my girlfriend's favorite radio station to propose. After spending what seemed like an eternity telling her how much I love her and I want to spend the rest of my life with her, she took a deep breath, said, "How about no?" and hung up. FML

by Anonymous / 08/06/2012 at 3:50pm / United States / Love

JackeeDawn's comment : It's okay OP... Atleast it's not a tv station you went on, nobody seen your face when she said no

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Today, some new people moved into the house next door to mine. The previous occupants were very loud and obnoxious day in and day out, so I was looking forward to some sanity. When I went outside, I noticed they'd parked their cars on my lawn. FML

by 44magnumtime / 08/06/2012 at 1:57pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend told me she was over her addiction and wished to quit cold turkey. I cancelled all my plans to stay home and support her. She didn't mean her tobacco addiction, no no. Her corn chip addiction. FML

by Spockx / 08/06/2012 at 7:20am / New Zealand (Waikato) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend's parents took pictures of my tattoos to make sure I'm "not affiliated with any gangs." I have never even been arrested. FML

by awkwardparents / 08/06/2012 at 4:13am / United States (California) / Love

ColdplaySucks's comment : 'even been arrested?' you make it sound like being arrested is a normal thing.

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Today, my boyfriend told me he was a vampire. I burst out in laughter and said he was ridiculous. He looked at me in disgust and said he couldn't be with someone who didn't trust and believe in him. I'm now single. FML

by shastadoe / 08/06/2012 at 2:37am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I discovered how pathetically introverted I am when during a car ride with my family, I said, "I really like this song" and my parents gasped because they didn't realize I was in the back seat. And I'm their only child. FML

by mississippi123 / 08/06/2012 at 1:41am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my fiancée said that our relationship is doomed because an astrologer said so. We only have a few more days until our wedding and she won't listen to a word I say. FML

by Anonymous / 08/06/2012 at 1:03am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a party. He got drunk and started talking about how his hot blonde girlfriend gives him great blowjobs. I'm a brunette. FML

by kklaucen14 / 08/05/2012 at 9:15pm / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy

Today, I was changing my son's diaper when he said "Momma." Astonished that he'd finally spoken, I clapped and smiled proudly. My clap scared the crap out of him. Literally. FML

by milf / 08/05/2012 at 9:10pm / United States (Indiana) / Kids

Today, my son surprised me on my birthday with tickets to a concert I really wanted to see. I was excited, especially since I planned to buy them but couldn't due to the fact it was too expensive. I was ecstatic, until I found out he'd stolen my credit card to buy them. FML

by Kolkata / 08/05/2012 at 7:25pm / Canada / Kids