Today, the police searched my house because my neighbors thought we were aiming a gun with laser sight at them. We were only getting our daft dog to chase a laser light around; we don't even own any guns. FML

by triple l / 10/15/2012 at 4:33am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my fiancé spent three hours arguing with his mom about how Scientology is a cult followed by simple-minded asshats; she shouted at him saying Xenu will come and fuck his shit up for not believing. This woman is going to be my children's grandmother. FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2012 at 3:54am / South Africa / Miscellaneous

sovetskiy's comment : People that believe in that are literally retarded. It's a scam. Apparently they keep people locked up in camps, Scientologists..

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Today, I told my daughter that she won't be going to her homecoming dance as punishment for her terrible grades. She's been crying and singing "If I Die Young" in her room for hours. At this point, I don't know if I need to call a therapist or a vocal coach. FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2012 at 12:07am / United States (Colorado) / Kids

jay2121's comment : What about a tutor instead of both?

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Today, a clown came over for my son's 8th birthday party. There was a moment of silence then laughter as everyone realized the clown and I were wearing the same plaid shirt. FML

by Randolph / 10/14/2012 at 10:24pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I learned why so much money has been missing from my credit card account. My boyfriend stole it, and has been buying toys for his 3 children. I never knew he had kids. FML

by katie_sadface / 10/14/2012 at 10:19pm / Canada / Money

SApprentice's comment : This is one of those situations where a 'dump him' is well deserved. Change your credit card information, lock him out, and file charges against him for whatever he stole from you. Manipulative thieves deserve little sympathy.

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Today, I was babysitting, and we were playing a game. Because he was little, I let him win all the games. He then turned to me and said, "You're really bad at this." I got very defensive and won the next game, and was actually proud that I beat a 3-year-old. FML

by amiliaroberts123 / 10/14/2012 at 8:45pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, I witnessed my mother-in-law reach into my wife's purse and practically empty it out into her pocket. When I confronted her and called my wife into the room, both of them accused me of lying through my teeth, because I've always hated her. FML

by hate enough to kill... / 10/14/2012 at 4:57pm / Netherlands (Limburg) / Money

Today, I had to pick my parents up from the hospital and drive them back home, after they were treated for eating large amounts of cheese that my dad claimed to have "aged" for several years. FML

by oppafucktardstyle / 10/14/2012 at 4:36pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, after weeks of coming home to find my furniture all tipped over, thinking the place was haunted, and accepting my boyfriend's offers to come over and "comfort" me, I came home from work early. I found my boyfriend in the kitchen, kicking over all the chairs. FML

by Anonymous / 10/14/2012 at 1:03pm / Estonia / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked into the kitchen at 5 am, to have my 7 and 9 year olds throw a bucket of water on me. To their surprise and horror, I didn't melt. FML

by Nickki / 10/14/2012 at 10:57am / United States / Kids

Today, my boyfriend promised me he wouldn't leave me alone in Niagara. I'm currently sitting alone in the hotel room drinking a bottle of wine while he gambles away money he doesn't have. FML

by lonelygirl / 10/14/2012 at 8:43am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, while I was using my computer, my cat ran up to the power strip, looked me in the eyes, and hit the power switch, turning everything off. She does this quite often. FML

by stop it ninja / 10/14/2012 at 3:00am / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, I slipped on a crayon a little girl threw on the floor, causing me to drop the tray of water I was carrying, making me spill it all over her. After getting cussed out by her mom, I was fired for making a customer unhappy. FML

by bbbbb / 10/14/2012 at 1:29am / United States (Connecticut) / Work