Today, I finally got the chance to meet this wonderful guy I met on a dating site. She was very excited to see me, too. FML

by Anonymous / 05/16/2012 at 1:02pm / United States (Texas) / Love

zotler's comment : Well, this is awkward.

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Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML

by smart move there / 05/16/2012 at 12:10pm / Ireland (Kildare) / Intimacy

zingline89's comment : There's no app for that

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Today, not only did my boyfriend set my hair on fire, but he attempted to put it out by dumping bong water on my head. FML

by Coykoi / 05/16/2012 at 10:19am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Love

Mattsta123's comment : Finally a good use for the bong water

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Today, I fell into a hole. And by hole, I mean a sewer. FML

by Anonymous / 05/16/2012 at 6:45am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend walked in on me as I was browsing a baby name website. I explained to him that I was naming characters for a novel I was planning to write, but he is completely convinced that I'm pregnant, and has even told his parents. FML

by inapickle / 05/16/2012 at 4:20am / United States (Maine) / Kids

Today, I found out that I am allergic to grass, and not supposed to mow lawns. My job is mowing lawns. FML

by jobless / 05/16/2012 at 3:36am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, I discovered that my acne glows yellow and orange under black lights while in front of a wall of them at a club. FML

by Anonymous / 05/16/2012 at 12:43am / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she was scared that she was more in love with me than I in her, and that she was afraid I would leave her. So she left me instead. I'd been thinking about proposing. FML

by RingAroundThe..SPLAT / 05/16/2012 at 12:10am / United States (District of Columbia) / Love

Today, my 20-year-old son's external hard-drive stopped working. He's crying on my shoulder now, not because of the movies, porn, work, or music he probably lost, but because of the now irretrievable complete series of Digimon that he'd collected. FML

by OytoBeAfather / 05/15/2012 at 11:05pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I received an email from my girlfriend listing 10 ways to stop premature ejaculation. Subtle. FML

by quick blow / 05/15/2012 at 10:53pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I found out the hard way that it is possible to sunburn the soles of your feet. FML

by Leadamp / 05/15/2012 at 6:39pm / Health

Today, my fiancée called our engagement off, because apparently she's actually a complete idiot who will believe anything that a slimy con artist tells her. In this case, a "psychic" who mumbled some shit about me having "a dark aura." FML

by waste of effort / 05/15/2012 at 4:56pm / United Kingdom / Love

Today, while I was applying some eyeliner, my cat jumped onto the counter and managed to headbutt me. The wand scratched a good portion of my eyeball, and now for the next few weeks, I will have to deal with the pain of a corneal abrasion. FML

by rhya4n / 05/15/2012 at 3:27pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Health