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Today, at my strictly Catholic grandmother's funeral, I was made to sit in the row behind the rest of the family, because I was born out of wedlock and wasn't a 'real' member. FML

#15055415
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38688) - you deserved it (2497)

On 02/20/2011 at 7:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I had my buddies over for a few beers and, trying to be cool, I told my wife to get out of the living room and back in the kitchen. I felt smug, right up until she said, "Why? Your mom doesn't need to be turned over for another 20 minutes, dick." FML

#15052365
402 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7279) - you deserved it (96752)

On 02/20/2011 at 1:44pm - misc - by :/ - Canada (Alberta)

About3goats's comment : Dick

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Today, my cat tried to kill me. While I was sleeping, he put his paws on either side of my face and laid down, covering my nose and mouth. While I was struggling to free myself, I could hear my sister laughing next to me. FML

#15051806
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26685) - you deserved it (4355)

On 02/20/2011 at 12:45pm - animals - by Michelle - United States (California)

Today, I found out the girl I gave my virginity to gave me gonorrhea. FML

#15051714
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46890) - you deserved it (18448)

On 02/20/2011 at 12:30pm - intimacy - by Infected (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had all of my wisdom teeth removed. After the anesthesia wore off, I asked how long the procedure took, and the nurse told me a little less than an hour. Apparently I thought this was hilarious and started laughing, which ripped my new stitches. FML

#15051482
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26089) - you deserved it (4914)

On 02/20/2011 at 12:04pm - health - by bouncekitty - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had surgery on my "girl parts" and can't have sex for six weeks. My boyfriend sees no need to spend any time with me until I heal up. FML

#15049456
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47104) - you deserved it (6752)

On 02/20/2011 at 7:23am - intimacy - by Justme (woman) - United States

Today, I got demoted from my manager's position, only to be replaced by a 21 year old who has never worked in retail in her life. I now have to spend the next month teaching her my job so they can fire me. FML

#15049361
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32478) - you deserved it (3178)

On 02/20/2011 at 6:49am - work - by lisha182 - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I woke up to an angry snake trying to climb the leg of my bed. My bedroom was closed all day yesterday. It must have gotten in my room days ago. FML

#15048725
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27528) - you deserved it (2761)

On 02/20/2011 at 3:35am - misc - by Katie - Reserved

Today, while trying on bras in the changing room, I wanted to see what my friend's bra looked like on her. Not wishing to leave my changing room in my underwear, I wriggled under her door. When I got through, my bra had come nearly all the way down and when I tried getting back, I got stuck. FML

#15048798
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6120) - you deserved it (40788)

On 02/20/2011 at 3:15am - misc - by O.o (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I threw my brand new iPhone 4 in the air whilst laying on my bed. It came down, went through my fingers, landed on my balls, then broke on the concrete floor. FML

#15045692
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9662) - you deserved it (73901)

On 02/19/2011 at 9:03pm - misc - by breakinphones - United States (Arizona)

Today, I woke up next to my best friend after lots of drinking and the best sex I've ever had in my life. The only problem is we're both straight males. FML

#15042917
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49375) - you deserved it (41029)

On 02/19/2011 at 4:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

I_iz_B_a_troll's comment : No homo.

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Today, while on lunch break, my fat, old co-worker walked into the break-room. I managed to block out his perverted heavy breathing, but had to leave when he began emitting a terrible odor that smelled like cheesy, sweaty molding feet. I barely held onto my lunch. FML

#15043066
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24534) - you deserved it (3718)

On 02/19/2011 at 4:23pm - work - by Brendan - Canada

Today, I went to a haunted show restaurant. I needed the toilet badly, but they were inside the building, which could only be gotten to via a ghost train. The footage of me peeing myself in terror on the train was played on a big screen inside, in front of a crowd of onlookers. FML

#15039071
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27677) - you deserved it (4515)

On 02/19/2011 at 10:08am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)



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