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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my roommate told me there is some restricted number that keeps calling and waking her up at odd hours of the night. She then says she's getting the police involved to find out who it is because she feels "harassed". I'm the restricted caller calling to wake her up from snoring so loud. FML

#15779610
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15006) - you deserved it (28385)

On 04/14/2011 at 12:37am - misc - by wowimscrewed (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I bumped into an old school friend. I'd heard she was pregnant so the first thing I did was congratulate her. Not only was she not pregnant, but the reason she managed to get so fat was because of comfort eating due to her miscarriage last month. FML

#15775724
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39086) - you deserved it (6745)

On 04/13/2011 at 9:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I ran a red light in front of a cop and got pulled over. My friend thought it would be funny to throw a knife in my lap and scream "Help me officer, he has a knife!" FML

#15773415
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44607) - you deserved it (6728)

On 04/13/2011 at 6:57pm - misc - by FrOsTy25 -

Today, I freaked out when the remote wouldn't unlock my car. I stood in the rain trying to open the door. Unsure of what to do next, I called my boyfriend. He told me to "put the key in the door". I had forgotten about that option. FML

#15772637
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9030) - you deserved it (62967)

On 04/13/2011 at 5:44pm - misc - by andimanastudent (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my teacher told me I wasn't pretty enough to play the princess part in the play. FML

#15769893
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40136) - you deserved it (5257)

On 04/13/2011 at 12:36pm - misc - by sophie - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had an allergic reaction to cranberry juice. The only reason I was drinking cranberry juice was to help with a bladder infection. Now I'm covered in what looks like a rash and peeing constantly. FML

#15768442
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28772) - you deserved it (2917)

On 04/13/2011 at 9:34am - health - by Arghh (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my high school guidance counselor tried to convince me NOT to go to college, mainly because it's been so long since someone from my high school went to college, that she got rid of all the college information she used to have. FML

#15768228
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40565) - you deserved it (3253)

On 04/13/2011 at 9:07am - misc - by CollegeBoy (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I came out to my parents. They nodded empathetically throughout my entire speech and told me repeatedly that it was okay. As I smiled and stood up, my dad asked, "But you're still going to marry a guy, right?" FML

#15767181
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38664) - you deserved it (7550)

On 04/13/2011 at 6:19am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I got attacked by my own dog. I don't know what will be harder, telling everyone how my dog thought I was a robber or explaining to them why a 25 year old man owns a poodle. FML

#15766373
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22418) - you deserved it (15027)

On 04/13/2011 at 3:05am - animals - by Username -

Today, I was watching TV and started freaking out thinking I forgot to tell my boyfriend happy anniversary. I wrote him a text and after it sent, I realized the date is mine and my ex's anniversary date. FML

#15766023
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10227) - you deserved it (50848)

On 04/13/2011 at 2:15am - love - by Zebracat - United States

Today, I watched my dog chase his tail for ten minutes, thinking "wow, dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized that I'd been watching my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes. FML

#15762337
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17738) - you deserved it (36550)

On 04/12/2011 at 10:20pm - animals - by Anonymous -

Today, while at an important meeting at work, I got to watch helplessly as a police officer gave me a parking meter ticket. Added to that my boss chewed me out for "never paying attention and staring out the window during meetings". FML

#15756717
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20693) - you deserved it (9977)

On 04/12/2011 at 3:25pm - work - by Kevin -

Today, I had my girlfriend drive me to go buy a motorcycle. I rode it 50 minutes home, got in the drive way, put the kick stand down, and then lost my balance and fell on the other side. I paid $3000 to drop it in the first hour and break the turn signal off. FML

#15755743
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19367) - you deserved it (20952)

On 04/12/2011 at 1:45pm - misc - by scottskidee - United States (Ohio)



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