Today, the police searched my house because my neighbors thought we were aiming a gun with laser sight at them. We were only getting our daft dog to chase a laser light around; we don't even own any guns. FML
by triple l / 10/15/2012 at 4:33am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my fiancé spent three hours arguing with his mom about how Scientology is a cult followed by simple-minded asshats; she shouted at him saying Xenu will come and fuck his shit up for not believing. This woman is going to be my children's grandmother. FML
by Anonymous / 10/15/2012 at 3:54am / South Africa / Miscellaneous
sovetskiy's comment : People that believe in that are literally retarded. It's a scam. Apparently they keep people locked up in camps, Scientologists..
Today, I told my daughter that she won't be going to her homecoming dance as punishment for her terrible grades. She's been crying and singing "If I Die Young" in her room for hours. At this point, I don't know if I need to call a therapist or a vocal coach. FML
by Anonymous / 10/15/2012 at 12:07am / United States (Colorado) / Kids
jay2121's comment : What about a tutor instead of both?
by Randolph / 10/14/2012 at 10:24pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
by katie_sadface / 10/14/2012 at 10:19pm / Canada / Money
SApprentice's comment : This is one of those situations where a 'dump him' is well deserved. Change your credit card information, lock him out, and file charges against him for whatever he stole from you. Manipulative thieves deserve little sympathy.
Today, I was babysitting, and we were playing a game. Because he was little, I let him win all the games. He then turned to me and said, "You're really bad at this." I got very defensive and won the next game, and was actually proud that I beat a 3-year-old. FML
by amiliaroberts123 / 10/14/2012 at 8:45pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids
Today, I witnessed my mother-in-law reach into my wife's purse and practically empty it out into her pocket. When I confronted her and called my wife into the room, both of them accused me of lying through my teeth, because I've always hated her. FML
by hate enough to kill... / 10/14/2012 at 4:57pm / Netherlands (Limburg) / Money
by oppafucktardstyle / 10/14/2012 at 4:36pm / United States (New York) / Health
Today, after weeks of coming home to find my furniture all tipped over, thinking the place was haunted, and accepting my boyfriend's offers to come over and "comfort" me, I came home from work early. I found my boyfriend in the kitchen, kicking over all the chairs. FML
by Anonymous / 10/14/2012 at 1:03pm / Estonia / Miscellaneous
by Nickki / 10/14/2012 at 10:57am / United States / Kids
by lonelygirl / 10/14/2012 at 8:43am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by stop it ninja / 10/14/2012 at 3:00am / United States (Virginia) / Animals
Today, I slipped on a crayon a little girl threw on the floor, causing me to drop the tray of water I was carrying, making me spill it all over her. After getting cussed out by her mom, I was fired for making a customer unhappy. FML
by bbbbb / 10/14/2012 at 1:29am / United States (Connecticut) / Work
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got…