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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I jumped out of bed in panic and rushed into the bathroom, only to see my sister limping around in the nude. She'd just jumped out of the shower because someone had flushed the toilet downstairs. FML

#21135014
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35739) - you deserved it (3876)

On 05/09/2014 at 6:03pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - South Africa

tumtum888's comment : You need to get to the bottom of this. Who flushed that toilet?

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Today, my parents decided to get with the times. So far, they've made me get Snapchat and Instagram accounts, and made me add them on Facebook. They keep acting like annoying teenagers, and get mad at me when I don't play along. For the love of god, somebody save me. FML

#21134960
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43731) - you deserved it (4962)

On 05/09/2014 at 4:41pm - misc - by Anais Strongrump III Jr. (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, some girl in the street mistook me for Richard Simmons. FML

#21134956
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33307) - you deserved it (5311)

On 05/09/2014 at 4:31pm - misc - by romancocks - United States (Florida)

Today, my brain-dead brother-in-law decided to play five finger fillet while at my place. Predictably, he ended up slicing a finger wide open. My mother-in-law now wants my blood, because she thinks I dared him to do it, and that clearly her perfect little angel couldn't be such a moron. FML

#21134881
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39029) - you deserved it (3501)

On 05/09/2014 at 2:44pm - misc - by fmlgirl (woman) - Netherlands (Zeeland)

Today, the creepy kid who sits behind me in English class decided that sniffing my hair wasn't disturbing enough for his liking, so he tried something new: popping one of the pimples on my neck. When I reacted in horror, all he could say was, "It looked pretty..." FML

#21134831
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45821) - you deserved it (4187)

On 05/09/2014 at 1:24pm - love - by WTTFFFF (woman) - United States (Michigan)

letmehavemytea's comment : Maybe it's time to ask for a seat change.

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Today, my store manager told me I was fired. I'm not sure what's more insulting - that he'd fire me, or that he forgot I haven't worked there in four months. FML

Today, my computer crashed and lost all of its data while I was making a back up. FML

#21134602
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39763) - you deserved it (3790)

On 05/09/2014 at 1:35am - misc - by mlowy - Azerbaijan (Baki)

Today, I was teaching my 4 year old daughter how to use "stranger danger". Later that day, we went out and since I didn't buy her a ice cream, she kept screaming "STRANGER DANGER!" A total stranger tackled me until the cops arrived. FML

#21134481
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46855) - you deserved it (6318)

On 05/08/2014 at 11:01pm - kids - by imnotastranger (man) -

Pleonasm's comment : She screamed, you screamed, they all screamed for icescream.

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Today, I was bored at work, so I started browsing the Internet. While I was on my Facebook page, my boss tagged me in a status: "I've been standing behind you for ten minutes." FML

#21134321
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22219) - you deserved it (46140)

On 05/08/2014 at 7:46pm - work - by notbrowsingnow (man) - United States

Today, my four year old son came into the restroom while I was applying my make-up, and asked me "Mommy, are you putting on make-up so that someone will love you?" FML

Today, my little sister was in charge of doing the vacuuming, when she decided our hamster had "dust on his back". FML

#21134608
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40961) - you deserved it (3527) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/08/2014 at 4:48pm - animals - by gvmfvr - Sent from mobile version

Today, I overheard someone at the mall telling his friend, "So I'm going in for a brain scan." Trying to be funny, I piped up, "Better hope they find something!" Turns out that had been the end of his sentence, and the scan is to see if his cancer has spread. FML

#21134153
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16533) - you deserved it (67304)

On 05/08/2014 at 3:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, an old man wanted to give me a tip for bagging his groceries. He slipped some money as deep into my pocket as he could, stroking my thigh for a few long seconds in the process, then he gave me a creepy smile and winked before walking away. FML

#21134110
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41570) - you deserved it (4107)

On 05/08/2014 at 3:00pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)



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Friday 17 October 2014

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