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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I woke up and put my contacts in. It appears that I got drunk enough last night that instead of soaking my contacts in contact solution, I used mouthwash. FML

#21181415
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41108) - you deserved it (22191)

On 06/20/2014 at 1:06am - misc - by anon - United States (Missouri)

mistertbawk420's comment : Minty fresh

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Today, my life is so boring that I started looking through my can of coins and sorting them out by year. The oldest coin I have is from 1963. FML

#21181414
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38234) - you deserved it (8227)

On 06/20/2014 at 1:05am - misc - by Gibbster_ (man) - United States (Texas)

pshtuthinkicare's comment : Well guess what; my life is so boring that I come to read FMLs of other people.

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Today, while working in a call center at a university, someone threatened to report me to the President of the University because "I" wouldn't accept their daughter who had a 1.5 GPA and "got accepted into Harvard". I don't even make the decisions, I just answer calls. FML

cwaziemamma's comment : There is no way that kid got accepted into Harvard... Lol too funny.... Let them report you.... Everyone needs a good laugh

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Today, I was video chatting my boyfriend. As we were talking, he answered a phone call. I sat there the whole time as he planned a date with some other girl over the phone. FML

#21180967
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51840) - you deserved it (6945)

On 06/19/2014 at 6:26pm - love - by forever alone - United States (New York)

Today, I asked my dad if he'd like to see the photos of my wedding, which he didn't bother to come to. Reply: "What the fuck, are you gay or something? Keep that homo stuff to yourself." My wife started laughing so hard she was crying. FML

#21180887
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45375) - you deserved it (4715)

On 06/19/2014 at 5:05pm - love - by Fuck you, Dad. Fuck you. (man) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, at my first day working at Walmart, a customer asked if we have any egg cookers. I said I wasn't sure, but that I'd be "eggstatic" to go ask for him. The first clue I got to suggest he hated puns was him yelling "Don't get smart with me, boy!" and then threatening to kill me. FML

#21180841
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40999) - you deserved it (9238)

On 06/19/2014 at 4:10pm - work - by fuckmyjob (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I found out how stupid my girlfriend really is. She saw my room for the first time and started yelling at me, calling me racist, white trash for having a Confederate flag hanging on my wall. It's a British flag. FML

#21180829
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18119) - you deserved it (2046)

On 06/19/2014 at 4:04pm - misc - by EmptyGlass (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML

#21180516
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50456) - you deserved it (14223)

On 06/19/2014 at 10:37am - love - by stopinthenameoflove - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I was feeling unappreciated and asked my boyfriend if he loves me. He faltered and replied, "Uh, my dick does." FML

#21180513
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45979) - you deserved it (7671)

On 06/19/2014 at 10:33am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I shouldn't have told my boss that I was interested in management. She now throws any problem she doesn't want to solve at me and either gets mad when I can't work it out or takes credit when I do. FML

#21180330
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39899) - you deserved it (6117)

On 06/19/2014 at 4:24am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend once again cancelled a date because he has too much homework. His professor is my dad, who's assigning astronomical amounts of homework to keep us from seeing each other. FML

#21180214
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56054) - you deserved it (4428)

On 06/19/2014 at 1:28am - love - by professorsdaughter - United States (Washington)

Today, I became the town racist for saying "black" instead of "African-American". I'm black. FML

#21179835
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55539) - you deserved it (5150)

On 06/18/2014 at 9:14pm - misc - by guest - United States (California)

Today, a customer called the restaurant I work at to ask if our coupons were always valid, or if they expired on the expiration date printed on them. FML

#21179816
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40558) - you deserved it (4579)

On 06/18/2014 at 8:58pm - work - by Shannon - United States (Michigan)



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