Today, a customer scared me for the sole purpose of watching my breasts jiggle when I jumped in surprise. I know because his head moved as they did, and he said, "Nice." before walking away. FML

by NotYourToy / 01/27/2016 at 2:59am / United States (New York) / Work

irishmaiden78's comment : I'm sorry that happened. Some people are just pigs.

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Today, my girlfriend came home and spontaneously wanted to have sex for the first time in about a year. I'm a recovering alcoholic, and had just came from an AA meeting. She reeked of alcohol, I couldn't get hard because of it and she got pissed at me. She says she won't be spontaneous again. FML

by FullCircleProblem / 01/27/2016 at 1:04am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

saifnaqvi11's comment : If she knows you are a recovering alcoholic and still comes to your house drunk then you need too find someone better then that.

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Today, my boss got mad at me because I told her that I wouldn't be able to work two days out of the week, due to college classes. She then cut back my hours so much that I now only work one day a week. I got the job in the first place to pay for my college classes. FML

by Anonymous / 01/27/2016 at 12:41am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I was locked out of my house. With no other available option, I decided to try and ninja my way through a window. However, as it turns out, I would make a terrible ninja. I now have a sprained ankle and a broken window. FML

by valene5687 / 01/27/2016 at 12:20am / United States (Virginia) /

Today, I learned that I have a sinus infection, ear infection and bronchitis so bad it was on the verge of pneumonia. My work won't let me call in sick. I work with kids. Lovely. FML

by sicky / 01/27/2016 at 12:02am / United States (Utah) / Health

cheeeksss's comment : And then I bet they'll also say "WHY DID YOU COME INTO WORK SICK? THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!"

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Today, to avoid disappointing my excited great grandmother, I still attended a small family dinner to celebrate my engagement. My fiancé and I split last night, I haven't slept and had to tell her he was caught up at work. FML

by singlelady / 01/26/2016 at 5:24pm / United Kingdom (Southampton) / Love

Today, I walked into a room to help a patient get ready for bed. Except she already was in bed, with two other male patients. I work in a retirement home. FML

by Anonymous / 01/26/2016 at 5:22pm / Netherlands (Noord-Brabant) / Work

Today, I donated blood for the first time. It wasn't until I passed out on the ice during hockey practice that I remembered the nurse warning me not to do any type of exercise. FML

by ktm1313 / 01/26/2016 at 4:38pm / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, my dad told my girlfriend that she's the son he never had. FML

Today, I got a new babysitting job. Every time the little girl goes to the bathroom, she screams and cries until I wipe her. She's 7 years old. FML

by justsomesummer / 01/26/2016 at 1:09pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids

Today, I was walking to class. While waiting at the crosswalk, a guy cat-called me from his car. I guess he was pissed that I didn't respond, because he purposely drove through a puddle and completely soaked me and the expensive textbook I was holding. FML

by Soakedandbroke / 01/26/2016 at 12:05pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I requested a pay rise at work. They said they couldn't do it as they have to cut costs, so I resigned. They've now re-advertised my job for more money than I asked for. FML

by Anon / 01/26/2016 at 6:40am / United Kingdom (Kingston upon Thames) / Work

Today, after weeks of eating in the same restaurant, I finally worked up the nerve to ask the super-cute cashier for her phone number. "Aw, how cute. Do you have an older brother?" FML

by CaptMacLeod / 01/26/2016 at 4:18am / United States (California) / Love