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Today, I decided to ask the guy I like if he'll be my Valentine. I wrote the question on a piece of paper and passed it to him, trying to be cute. He read it, wrote his answer with a smile, and passed it back. It said, "Depends, do you swallow?" No, no I don't. FML

#21053668
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43394) - you deserved it (9321)

On 02/07/2014 at 7:18pm - love - by mariana (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

onlychildFTW's comment : I think it's better you not be with a guy like that. There are better guys out there for you. Keep your hopes up OP and good luck.

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Today, I worked up the nerve to ask my boss for a raise. Today is also the day I found out my boss has a shitlist of employees he wants to fire, and that I'm now on it. FML

#21053635
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36648) - you deserved it (4176)

On 02/07/2014 at 6:47pm - work - by fuckmyplums (man) - Austria (Salzburg)

Today, wanting to break up with my boyfriend, I invited him to dinner with my parents. I was sure they'd hate him, which would give me the excuse I needed. They ended up loving him, and now they won't stop mentioning marriage. FML

#21053604
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21993) - you deserved it (47197)

On 02/07/2014 at 6:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

ninety's comment : If you wanted to break up wouldn't you already have a reason without having to create one?

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Today, I told my professor that I'll be missing class next week due to upcoming surgery. I asked if I could take the exam that I'd otherwise miss another day. He said no, and that I'd just have to take a failing grade, then wished me luck with the surgery. FML

#21053454
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49170) - you deserved it (3633)

On 02/07/2014 at 3:30pm - health - by ... - United States (Illinois)

Zach2014's comment : I would talk to the school president and tell him what is happening. Also bing in a note from the dr.

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Today, I found a roach in my takeaway. I found it after I felt something hard in my mouth and spat pieces of it back out onto my plate. FML

#21053382
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40315) - you deserved it (3261)

On 02/07/2014 at 1:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Mayotte

Today, my girlfriend and I were quite drunk while we were fooling around on the couch, when I decided I wanted to lose my virginity to her. I was two thrusts in when she burst out laughing. Looking down, I realized I was between her cheeks and the couch cushion. I lost my virginity to her couch. FML

#21053213
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51907) - you deserved it (18444)

On 02/07/2014 at 9:18am - intimacy - by Unknown - United States (Iowa)

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend he was like an animal in bed. He responded saying I was like a dead animal in bed. FML

#21052943
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43435) - you deserved it (15601)

On 02/06/2014 at 11:48pm - intimacy - by cryface (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at the library, working with some classmates on our major semester project. I accidentally killed power to the row of computers by me. I've never had so many enraged faces looking at me before. FML

#21052823
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34058) - you deserved it (14420)

On 02/06/2014 at 10:07pm - work - by AnonymousQuagga - United States (Texas)

Today, while cleaning a carpet in my house, something in it sliced my foot. I couldn't find what it was, so I went to clean the wound. 10 minutes later, I sliced my foot again on the same thing. I still can't figure out what it was. FML

#21052729
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44890) - you deserved it (5355)

On 02/06/2014 at 8:32pm - health - by sashimi9999 - United States (California)

Today, my mother-in-law tried to "accidentally" run me over. FML

#21052599
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43241) - you deserved it (3799)

On 02/06/2014 at 6:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I burned my right boob. I got it by eating a hot pocket and accidentally spilling the extremely hot filling. I never thought I'd get laid before. This has just confirmed it. FML

Today, I was driving along when I noticed a kid struggling to push his car up the crest of a hill. I jumped out to help him, and he acted surprised to see me. Once we got the car over the hill, it rolled on down. I then saw that no one was actually in the driver's seat. I'd helped a vandal. FML

Today, my boyfriend admitted to subtly encouraging me to do stupid things because he finds my "bimbo moments" hilarious. FML

#21052048
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36131) - you deserved it (7506)

On 02/06/2014 at 1:57am - love - by a2 (woman) - Australia (Victoria)



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