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Today, I had a dream where I was cuddling with a girl. She rolled over to face me, snuggled up into the crook of my neck, then muttered in disgust, "Ugh, your breath stinks!" Cock-blocked in my own dreams. FML

#21296653
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31315) - you deserved it (3919)

On 11/11/2014 at 12:05am - misc - by mouthwash - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was so lonely, I caught myself whispering to my food just so I had someone to talk to. FML

Today, I realized why I never hear my voice echoing when I sing to my boyfriend on Skype; he just mutes me. FML

#21296304
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32307) - you deserved it (9864)

On 11/10/2014 at 4:50pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

tdawg91's comment : Well...... Take a hint?

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Today, my brother offered me $20 to practice his kissing on me for his date later this evening. FML

#21296136
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41835) - you deserved it (4013)

On 11/10/2014 at 11:31am - misc - by SisterOfTard (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Rainbow_dumpster's comment : Eeeewwwwwwwww

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Today, I thought I felt my cellphone vibrating. Turned out it was just my girlfriend letting out a vicious fart against my leg. FML

#21296102
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34314) - you deserved it (4890)

On 11/10/2014 at 9:28am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Berlin)

RusticChick's comment : Sounds like love

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Today, I was supposed to go in for a polygraph test as part of the hiring process to be a cop, but I was so nervous that I couldn't sleep. Finally two hours before the exam, I fell into a deep sleep, so deep that I slept through all my alarms. Worst part: I couldn't lie about sleeping in. FML

#21296003
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32835) - you deserved it (4670)

On 11/10/2014 at 4:10am - work - by Pixel (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my boyfriend pretended to be reading braille while touching my chest acne. FML

#21295903
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34458) - you deserved it (5528)

On 11/10/2014 at 12:01am - intimacy - by annababyyyy - United States (Maryland)

Today, I left my dog alone while I went to work, like usual. He usually hangs out in the big bay window that faces the street. Today he decided to steal my vibrator and chew it while sitting in the window. I can only imagine how many people walked by and saw it. FML

#21295699
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30009) - you deserved it (6198)

On 11/09/2014 at 8:12pm - animals - by dogdays (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, as I was waiting in line at the check out, some guy came up behind me, plucked a hair out of my head, and ran off with it. FML

#21295452
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31067) - you deserved it (2535)

On 11/09/2014 at 1:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I sat my son down for a talk about how he's been too lazy to brush his teeth lately. I said "Son, we need to have a chat about oral hygiene." He rolled his eyes, sighed, and said he already knew to clean "it" before a girl went down on him, and asked if he could go already. FML

#21295420
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37000) - you deserved it (4649)

On 11/09/2014 at 1:23pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I found out the only reason my boyfriend asked me out is because he thought I "looked like a girl who'd be into anal". FML

#21295289
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34235) - you deserved it (3807)

On 11/09/2014 at 8:31am - misc - by analgirl (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me via Twitter. FML

#21295236
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32789) - you deserved it (3201)

On 11/09/2014 at 3:37am - love - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I spent all day making preparations and buying food for my upcoming birthday. It's not for a party, though - none of my friends wanted to come. I'm preparing for the launch of the new World of Warcraft expansion. FML

#21295219
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30772) - you deserved it (6518)

On 11/09/2014 at 2:51am - misc - by Anonymous -



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