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Today, I tripped over a "wet floor" sign at work and hit the floor hard. The floor wasn't even wet. FML

#21336915
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27233) - you deserved it (4037)

On 01/14/2015 at 10:35am - work - by kronic1990 - United Kingdom

Today, I was trying on a shirt and asked my boyfriend if he liked it. He replied, "If I say no, can we still have sex tonight?" FML

#21336880
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29568) - you deserved it (5638)

On 01/14/2015 at 8:58am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

amandathecreator's comment : At least he was honest!

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Today, I had to explain to my grandmother why, "What a nice singing voice! He doesn't sound black at all!" is not a compliment. FML

#21336801
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30614) - you deserved it (2558)

On 01/14/2015 at 2:18am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was walking with a female friend when suddenly, my ex-girlfriend comes running down the street and says, "So, you're cheating on me with this slut, huh?!" We've been separated for a decade now. FML

#21336664
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34907) - you deserved it (2457)

On 01/13/2015 at 10:05pm - love - by RipeFlame - United States (Florida)

Misshhh's comment : Who else wants a follow up on this FML?

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Today, we got a new Roomba. I set it to clean and came back an hour later to find shit smears all over the floor. Apparently, one of my cats had done his business in the kitchen, and the Roomba had dragged it around the entire first floor of my house. FML

#21336619
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31588) - you deserved it (4956)

On 01/13/2015 at 8:50pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Delaware)

shinklefly's comment : Waiting for the shitty puns

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Today, my husband confessed that when he's angry with me, he uses my makeup sponge to apply his hemorrhoid cream. FML

#21336401
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32518) - you deserved it (3566)

On 01/13/2015 at 12:42pm - love - by Maiar (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I was cuddling my girlfriend. The TV was on behind me, with some kind of girl's basketball game playing. When I stared into my girlfriend's eyes, she accused me of trying to check out the girls by looking at their reflection in her eyes. FML

#21336365
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34025) - you deserved it (2835)

On 01/13/2015 at 11:25am - love - by can't win - Australia

Today, my new roommate puked into the sink and all over the bathroom floor, before passing out on her bed. Apparently, she was awake enough to wash her own face but not clean up her vomit. We share the bathroom. This is the second time already. FML

#21336281
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27348) - you deserved it (2224)

On 01/13/2015 at 6:06am - misc - by notyourcleaner (woman) - Malaysia (Selangor)

Today, a council worker showed up on my doorstep for the final pool installation inspection, which was scheduled 10 years ago. FML

#21336247
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29411) - you deserved it (1984)

On 01/13/2015 at 3:28am - misc - by livingstonjamie - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I found myself wondering if my sister's jaw makes the same clicking sound when she's giving head as it does when she's eating food. FML

Today, I went to take a piss in a public bathroom. Somehow, I managed to completely jam the lock. After minutes of trying to get myself out, I gave up and crawled under the stall, at which point someone walked in and was very surprised to see me on the floor. FML

#21336053
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25183) - you deserved it (2791)

On 01/12/2015 at 9:47pm - misc - by downinthedumps - United States (Michigan)

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first handjob. I was nervous, so when she went to do it, I panicked and yelled, "Firmly grasp it!" She then couldn't stop laughing because it was a line from SpongeBob. FML

Today, I had to call a few different women and explain to them that my little brother had catfished them. I had to do it because he is mute and my parents were too busy screaming at him. FML

#21335978
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25725) - you deserved it (1822)

On 01/12/2015 at 8:11pm - misc - by PO'd big bro - United States (Georgia)



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  • Oi! Stop "playing" that digeridoo and get out! There, now that I've tidied up my apartment, we can begin. How are you all doing? Have you got your leather jacket out of storage to go hang out down at…

Thursday 22 January 2015

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