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Today, I had lunch with an old friend I've had a crush on for years. We're both single, so I figured it to be kind of like a date. Until he started talking about how he told his brother last night that we would never be a thing. FML

#21444043
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21940) - you deserved it (2251)

On 07/19/2015 at 2:02pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

aclark2523's comment : Sorry but lunch with a single friend does not equal a date. Just friends.

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Today, I was at a professional tennis match. The ball was hit extremely hard, resulting in it going into the crowd. And when I say crowd, I mean my face. FML

#21443966
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21514) - you deserved it (1784)

On 07/19/2015 at 10:36am - health - by Ouch - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while in the waiting room at the dentist's office, I looked up at the news on the TV to see my husband's mugshot. FML

#21443899
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26436) - you deserved it (1895)

On 07/19/2015 at 5:02am - misc - by wtf did he do - United States (Alaska)

nchic01's comment : the question is, for what?

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Today, I was talking to my friend, who was telling me he's having suicidal thoughts lately. He then said he'd be back in a few minutes. Nearly an hour passed. I panicked, thinking he'd offed himself. Several minutes after I called the emergency services, he messaged me, saying "K, back." FML

#21443864
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25572) - you deserved it (2739)

On 07/19/2015 at 2:49am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Fiorella1's comment : It's better safe than sorry OP.

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Today, I had to explain to my incredibly sheltered 15-year-old brother that no, you don't wear condoms on your balls, and that they don't work by squeezing your balls so the sperm are blocked from coming out when you ejaculate. FML

#21443849
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23349) - you deserved it (1983)

On 07/19/2015 at 2:02am - kids - by facepalming all the way (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I spent hours cooking a big dinner for my parents for the first time. I guess I made the steak too rare, because when my dad cut into it, he said "Christ! This thing's practically alive!" and said a skilled vet could probably bring the cow it was cut from back to life. FML

#21443824
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21315) - you deserved it (3361)

On 07/19/2015 at 1:05am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be hilarious to secretly swap her and my mom's numbers in my phone, then sexually tease me before going to work. I found out about the prank when I texted my "girlfriend", saying I was going to fuck her so hard she wouldn't walk straight for days. FML

#21443815
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29114) - you deserved it (3798)

On 07/19/2015 at 12:36am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, while trying to score a date, I almost made a girl pass out. No, I didn't try to chloroform this one. I just came across as so pathetic that she laughed hard enough to have an asthma attack. FML

#21443788
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24042) - you deserved it (2678)

On 07/18/2015 at 11:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, I went on my first date in 6 months, to a Thai restaurant. We both got food poisoning and spent the entire evening alternately running to the bathroom while pretending that we were fine. FML

#21443781
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25439) - you deserved it (1822)

On 07/18/2015 at 11:29pm - intimacy - by padthaimeanoose - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, instead of kissing my child's boo-boo on her finger to make it feel better, I accidentally headbutted her. FML

#21443580
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21551) - you deserved it (2775)

On 07/18/2015 at 3:08pm - kids - by ddhaley1 (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I lost my virginity. The most memorable aspect of it wasn't the fact that my boyfriend finished after two thrusts, but rather the fact that he first said, "The pilot has entered the cockpit." FML

#21443446
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25962) - you deserved it (2792)

On 07/18/2015 at 7:09am - intimacy - by henhouse - Australia (Victoria)

Today, while walking down the street, a truck hit a puddle and splashed me with water. After I cursed and flipped him off, he put his truck in reverse and splashed me again. FML

#21443362
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23184) - you deserved it (8708)

On 07/18/2015 at 2:01am - misc - by supersmashpika (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my son was planning on going clubbing. I disapproved, but no matter what I say he never listens, so I simply offered him some condoms so he doesn't end up knocking anyone up. He just said, "Nah, dad. Get 'em drunk enough and it's anal all the way." FML

#21443327
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28410) - you deserved it (4485)

On 07/18/2015 at 1:00am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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