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Today, I had to explain to my rabidly religious brother how two transvestites can buy fish at Petco while he's buying the same fish at the same Petco, and it doesn't equate to hitting on him. It's been two hours, and he's still sitting outside my door reading Bible verses and praying aggressively. FML

#21392651
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28343) - you deserved it (2359)

On 04/12/2015 at 10:51pm - misc - by mademoiselle meurtre (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Grauncho's comment : I bet he's the guy who recites Bible verses out loud every time he wanks.

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Today, the only way I can get my boyfriend to do anything is by telling him it's a turn on. FML

#21392608
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26081) - you deserved it (3383)

On 04/12/2015 at 9:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

JJProphet's comment : "do the laundry. its a turn on"

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Today, I caught my teenage daughter doing her laundry for the first time ever. She had piles of black and white, but then she threw them together in the washing machine. I told her blacks and whites were supposed to be separate, but she just said, "End the segregation, mom." FML

#21392458
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29056) - you deserved it (4988)

On 04/12/2015 at 4:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

mojopin's comment : MLK didn't die for this

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Today, a little girl from my Sunday School class approached me and told me she had a stomach ache. She seemed very upset and her face was discolored so I took her to the nurse. While we were walking out the door, I looked down and saw a half-eaten crayon on the floor. That'll do it. FML

#21392424
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23941) - you deserved it (1876)

On 04/12/2015 at 3:49pm - health - by drewcaver - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that turkeys can fly. I also found out how much a new windshield costs. FML

#21392388
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29176) - you deserved it (2462)

On 04/12/2015 at 2:29pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I went on a blind date at a restaurant. While looking at the menu, my date said "Who even likes kweetch? Gross." When I realized she was trying to say "quiche", I corrected her. That pissed her off. Now I'm at home, alone, trying to decide which hand is going to keep me company tonight. FML

#21392355
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28842) - you deserved it (6153)

On 04/12/2015 at 1:00pm - intimacy - by left, I guess (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, what started with me forcing a shit a little too hard ended up with me being rushed to the hospital with appendicitis. FML

#21392323
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28136) - you deserved it (2450)

On 04/12/2015 at 11:42am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Belgium

Today, I was called a fascist and accused of being "racist" against poor people, all because some crazy meth-mouthed bitch couldn't afford some booze and expected me to cut the price by almost 40% so she could. FML

#21392314
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27072) - you deserved it (1857)

On 04/12/2015 at 11:18am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my 16 year old daughter convinced her little sister that I am a robot. Now every time I try to talk to her she starts crying. FML

#21392253
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26908) - you deserved it (2048)

On 04/12/2015 at 6:33am - kids - by anon - United States (California)

Today, I was working in the garden, when some fire ants ran up my shorts and bit me on an intimate part of my anatomy. My 4 year old nephew will not stop telling people about my rapid strip tease. FML

Today, my family checked into a hotel for spring break. The first thing my brother did was steal all the bars of soap and bottles of shampoo. He's now guarding them, and hissing at anyone that tries to take them. I just want to take a shower. FML

#21392089
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26660) - you deserved it (2489)

On 04/11/2015 at 11:05pm - kids - by ShampooThief - United States

Today, I was asked to prom by the same guy who "accidentally" cut off a chunk of my hair in class and with whom I haven't had a conversation in my life. When I politely declined he said, "You'll regret this". FML

#21392030
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30395) - you deserved it (2296)

On 04/11/2015 at 9:53pm - misc - by scared4myhair - United States (Michigan)

Today, while walking down the street, a cute guy approached me. We ended up having some drinks then heading back to his place and hooked up. Afterwards, I used the bathroom, and when I came out, he was going through his wallet and asked me how much he owed me. FML

#21391926
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30709) - you deserved it (9337)

On 04/11/2015 at 6:05pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)



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