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Today, I passed my driver's test. My instructor took the learner signs off his car and let me drive back to my place. I guess he didn't bet on me crashing the car just a few blocks from the test center. FML

#21459680
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18930) - you deserved it (5029)

On 08/23/2015 at 1:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, at my sister's wedding, I got my 15 month old son to 'sign' the big guest book. I gave him a pen and was hoping for a cute little squiggle or something. But no, he managed to draw something that looked uncannily like a big swastika. FML

#21459659
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12710) - you deserved it (12291)

On 08/23/2015 at 12:46pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

ea247's comment : I bet you did-nazi that coming!

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Today, after some great sex, my boyfriend mused: "You know, from this position, I could punch you in the cunt and you wouldn't be able to stop me." I could only relax when he finally fell asleep nearly an hour later. FML

#21459620
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21698) - you deserved it (2417)

On 08/23/2015 at 10:03am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

xorenae's comment : So when he fell asleep did you whisper in his ear that you could punch him in the dick now and he wouldn't be able to stop you?

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Today, after nearly 2 years, my now ex-girlfriend decided she was ready to have sex. Specifically, sex with my dad. FML

#21459616
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26222) - you deserved it (1573)

On 08/23/2015 at 9:45am - love - by pontwa (man) - Australia

MrSassypants's comment : If only there was a way to make him your ex-father.

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Today, while trying to lift a weight bar at the gym, I ended up cracking my rib cage and almost passed out. My friend, who was supposed to be spotting for me, couldn't help until the last second because he'd snuck off to flirt with a pair of guys halfway across the room. FML

#21459605
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19577) - you deserved it (5217)

On 08/23/2015 at 8:35am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, I told my friend about a fight I had earlier with my girlfriend. He thought it'd be funny to use my phone while I was in the bathroom and text her "ure such a cunt". She wouldn't believe the truth, even when my friend confessed to her. She thought I paid him to take the fall. FML

#21459591
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21199) - you deserved it (2057)

On 08/23/2015 at 6:22am - love - by dumped (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, the nine year old girl I was babysitting got the hiccups, so I told her to drink some water upside down to cure them. She ended up vomiting on the floor. FML

Today, even after explaining to my boyfriend that I was self conscious about my breasts because they're slightly misshaped, he still persisted with begging me for a tit pic, saying he would still see me as beautiful. I gave in and sent one. He responded with "LOL WHAT ARE THOOOOOOSSSEE." FML

#21459438
162 comments

Today, I came home from a stay at my girlfriend's place. My little brother stepped on my bag and accidentally switched my vibrator on. I told him the buzzing sound was my electric toothbrush. He went to the bathroom and came back with the toothbrush. He won't stop asking what's in my bag. FML

Today, I woke up early for work. Had my coffee, finished up a report and headed out of my house. Not only was the office closed today, but the silent alarm was on, which is triggered by a door opening even if you use a key. I was startled by the cops searching the building, ran, and got tazed. FML

#21459236
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20017) - you deserved it (5781)

On 08/22/2015 at 8:21am - work - by BryanTazed - United States (Virginia)

Today, my period started again. I just finished a 17-day period 3 days ago. FML

#21459211
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27776) - you deserved it (1780)

On 08/22/2015 at 6:47am - health - by period pains - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, my husband wanted to use bacon grease as lube. FML

#21459209
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19670) - you deserved it (6985)

On 08/22/2015 at 6:18am - intimacy - by fuck no (woman) - India (Kerala)

Today, my wife accused me of cheating. Why? Because I recently started working out, and according to her, no married man tries to improve his physique unless he's trying to look good for other women. I can't believe I married this neurotic wreck. FML

#21459202
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21901) - you deserved it (4009)

On 08/22/2015 at 5:44am - love - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)



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