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Today, my husband and I locked our keys in the car. Our only spare is in the drawer with all our sex toys. So we either had to get our oldest go in the drawer and get them to bring to us or walk the 12 miles home. My feet will never recover from that walk. FML

#21459919
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15714) - you deserved it (21371)

On 08/24/2015 at 12:25am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

1DisGR8's comment : Okay that sucks but did you really have to put the spare in a sex toy drawer? Shouldn't you have put it somewhere more accessible?

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Today, a homeless man asked me for some change. Not having any cash, I gave him a gift card for the restaurant I work at. When I got home I realized I gave him my credit card. FML

Immortal_Toaster's comment : We all are a little air-headed at times, but that's a bit much.

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Today, I had my driver's permit in an envelope to keep it safe and a letter to mail out. I drove away from the post office with the letter in my hand. FML

#21459843
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17416) - you deserved it (7397)

On 08/23/2015 at 9:40pm - misc - by JadeDemolition (woman) - United States (California)

maximus_prime's comment : Don't worry too much OP, there's a hobo walking around wondering what to do with a credit card he was given.

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Today, I decided to upgrade to Windows 10. I wanted to keep my old files on the current hard drive, I clicked on the keep old files option. Thanks to Windows, I lost everything. FML

#21459683
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20201) - you deserved it (4917)

On 08/23/2015 at 1:42pm - misc - by Arrkyna (man) -

Today, I was at a concert and the performer told everyone to wave their phones in the air. I threw my hand up and then a huge woman caught my iPhone and disappeared into the crowd. FML

#21459682
58 comments

Today, I passed my driver's test. My instructor took the learner signs off his car and let me drive back to my place. I guess he didn't bet on me crashing the car just a few blocks from the test center. FML

#21459680
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18953) - you deserved it (5030)

On 08/23/2015 at 1:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, at my sister's wedding, I got my 15 month old son to 'sign' the big guest book. I gave him a pen and was hoping for a cute little squiggle or something. But no, he managed to draw something that looked uncannily like a big swastika. FML

#21459659
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12713) - you deserved it (12299)

On 08/23/2015 at 12:46pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, after some great sex, my boyfriend mused: "You know, from this position, I could punch you in the cunt and you wouldn't be able to stop me." I could only relax when he finally fell asleep nearly an hour later. FML

#21459620
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21868) - you deserved it (2433)

On 08/23/2015 at 10:03am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, after nearly 2 years, my now ex-girlfriend decided she was ready to have sex. Specifically, sex with my dad. FML

#21459616
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26288) - you deserved it (1573)

On 08/23/2015 at 9:45am - love - by pontwa (man) - Australia

Today, while trying to lift a weight bar at the gym, I ended up cracking my rib cage and almost passed out. My friend, who was supposed to be spotting for me, couldn't help until the last second because he'd snuck off to flirt with a pair of guys halfway across the room. FML

#21459605
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19581) - you deserved it (5218)

On 08/23/2015 at 8:35am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, I told my friend about a fight I had earlier with my girlfriend. He thought it'd be funny to use my phone while I was in the bathroom and text her "ure such a cunt". She wouldn't believe the truth, even when my friend confessed to her. She thought I paid him to take the fall. FML

#21459591
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21220) - you deserved it (2060)

On 08/23/2015 at 6:22am - love - by dumped (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, the nine year old girl I was babysitting got the hiccups, so I told her to drink some water upside down to cure them. She ended up vomiting on the floor. FML

Today, even after explaining to my boyfriend that I was self conscious about my breasts because they're slightly misshaped, he still persisted with begging me for a tit pic, saying he would still see me as beautiful. I gave in and sent one. He responded with "LOL WHAT ARE THOOOOOOSSSEE." FML

#21459438
162 comments


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