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Today, I was finishing my chest workout at the gym when this really cute girl started using the machine next to me. To impress her, I tried lifting a lot of weight on the barbell. It ended up landing on my neck and she had to help me get it off. FML

#21411484
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13212) - you deserved it (29472)

On 05/17/2015 at 1:53pm - health - by Idle_Twin - United States (Florida)

Dr_Lily's comment : Guys... Seriously, STOP trying to impress girls that way ("look at how I am strooooong!!!"), you always end up on FML with the shame.

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Today, I woke up to "we're leaving". I'm now homeless because my Dad and his girlfriend got into an argument over toilet paper. FML

#21411475
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27506) - you deserved it (1852)

On 05/17/2015 at 1:47pm - love - by hobo - Canada (British Columbia)

steveykinz0967's comment : Wow their relationship is really in the toilet.

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Today, I found out the reason my co-workers have been giving me gum every day is not because of their generosity, but because everyone in the office thinks my breath smells. FML

#21411436
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22201) - you deserved it (9836)

On 05/17/2015 at 12:13pm - work - by smellynelly (woman) - United States (New York)

carissaball's comment : At least they tried hinting it to you nicely :)

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Today, I took my family to Disneyland. My husband had more fun than my five year old daughter. He was hitting on the princesses. FML

#21411433
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28414) - you deserved it (2646)

On 05/17/2015 at 12:08pm - love - by creepedoutmom (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to impress my friends by doing a flip on the trampoline. What did impress them, was my lack of tears after I hit the edge of the trampoline and broke my nose. FML

#21411404
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23632) - you deserved it (6159)

On 05/17/2015 at 10:05am - health - by no more flips - United States (Ohio)

Today, I bought an expensive video game and decided to show it off and post a photo of it on Instagram. When I got home to play it, it rejected my activation key. I then realised it was showing in the Instagram post. FML

#21411390
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12094) - you deserved it (42094)

On 05/17/2015 at 9:09am - misc - by PISSED OFF - Australia

Today, after getting my dream job and quitting old one, I was told my position is strictly "experimental" and will only last 2 months. FML

#21411308
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29240) - you deserved it (3126)

On 05/17/2015 at 2:31am - work - by fuckkkkk - United States (California)

Today, my husband missed the toilet again. I would have been less disgusted if he'd peed this time. FML

#21411283
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29128) - you deserved it (2266)

On 05/17/2015 at 1:10am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to a domestic violence counseling group. I was the only male there, and I explained that my girlfriend punches me in the face in front of my kids. Everyone started laughing. FML

Today, a couple asked me donate my eggs so they could start a family. When I refused, I was called heartless by my ex-husband and the woman he cheated on me with for over two years. FML

#21410986
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35676) - you deserved it (2065)

On 05/16/2015 at 1:46pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Southampton)

Today, not thinking and being pissed off, I threw my phone in the car, making a decent sized crack in the windshield. FML

Today, I had the most excitement I have felt in the last two months when I went to a drugstore and they had my favourite bandaids. FML

#21410948
68 comments

Today, I got my driver's license. My dad made multiple copies of his insurance cards for me to give to people when I inevitably hit them. Because "Let's face it." FML



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  • It's the weekend so let's plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. Sorry, I was channelling Bill Hicks there. I'll start again. Hi everyone, how are you doing? This week…

Friday 29 May 2015

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