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Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. Unfortunately, she started fake-moaning like a pornstar before I even entered her, totally killing the mood and my boner. She swore she hadn't moaned, accused me of not finding her attractive enough, and angrily left. FML

#21252510
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35308) - you deserved it (5622)

On 09/05/2014 at 4:55pm - intimacy - by Perdito_Coño (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I just got back from a two week vacation. I live with six people and only the dog was happy to see me. FML

#21252441
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32006) - you deserved it (2976)

On 09/05/2014 at 2:54pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend was about to sneeze. To avoid getting his new tablet wet, he chose to sneeze right into my face instead. FML

#21252384
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33070) - you deserved it (3124)

On 09/05/2014 at 12:17pm - love - by anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, after returning from taking my sister off to college, my parents told me that our house would be a lot quieter with my sister gone. Not because she's loud, but because she has friends and I apparently don't. FML

#21252132
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34808) - you deserved it (3133)

On 09/04/2014 at 10:59pm - misc - by AllieG33 - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I complimented a guy on his beard. His response? "Thanks. Wanna sit on it?" FML

PantyGAMES's comment : He saw the risk, and he took it. I approve.

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Today, my younger sister ran into my room, telling me someone was trying to break in. We were home alone, so she went to hide as I took a crowbar and followed the intruder. Just as I was about to swing, he turned around: it was my dad. I had to explain to my sister that burglars don't have keys. FML

#21251987
60 comments

swaggyswagswag's comment : Thats actually kinda funny and cute lol

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Today, my girlfriend got up in the middle of sex saying, "You're taking too long, I'm gonna go make some popcorn." I asked her if she could get me some. She said no. FML

#21251846
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38772) - you deserved it (7900)

On 09/04/2014 at 3:32pm - intimacy - by candy man - United States (North Carolina)

MissBehavin77's comment : That's a new one. I didn't know there was such a thing as " taking too long" for a girl. I say you deserved the popcorn at least.

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Today, my cat decided to use my bowl of rice krispies as his litter box. FML

Today, I was walking my dogs when a woman at a bus stop quite rudely exclaimed, "Keep those mutts away from my kid". I replied just as rudely that I wouldn't want them anywhere near her dirty sprog. It was then we both realised she was a customer that I regularly talk to at work. FML

Today, I tried to blink out a small speck of dirt that was caught in my eye. Instead, I learned what it feels like to suffocate a small, angry spider with your eyelid. FML

#21251632
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41519) - you deserved it (3159)

On 09/04/2014 at 2:44am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, my roommate asked for my opinion of her new painting. The same painting I hand-painted for over ten hours. She apparently thought it was a gift. She won't give it back. FML

#21251580
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36484) - you deserved it (2884)

On 09/04/2014 at 12:46am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, it was report card day at swimming lessons. Because it was the last day, a little girl brought me flowers. She was the only kid in that class who didn't pass. FML

#21251459
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39013) - you deserved it (3362)

On 09/03/2014 at 9:31pm - work - by anonymous - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, a little kid accidentally ran into me at the pool. He apologized by biting my leg. FML

#21251454
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30919) - you deserved it (2646)

On 09/03/2014 at 9:24pm - kids - by adeeri - United States (Wyoming)



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  • So, is everyone back from their vacation? Can we get back to regular programming? No? OK, I get it. You're all still crying about not being at the beach any more, well, I am anyway. And this time of year…

Thursday 11 September 2014

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