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Today, after swallowing my birth control pill, I threw up all over myself. I then had to search through my puke to find my birth control pill and attempt to re-take it. FML

rickyricoco's comment : As a male, I can't claim I know a whole lot about birth control pills... but is it really that detrimental to the cycle to just grab a new pill?

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Today, my husband again lost his keys. It's a daily struggle to find them. This time they were in an ice cube, literally. He said he must have accidentally put them in there when making ice. He's going to be the father of my future children. FML

#21360688
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33156) - you deserved it (7891)

On 02/21/2015 at 10:47pm - misc - by wife - United States (California)

ShadoeAcurus's comment : That is... Kinda impressive actually...

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Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years has a beautiful daughter. That's cool, except she's 1 year old. FML

#21360646
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32614) - you deserved it (2316)

On 02/21/2015 at 9:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Cass_x's comment : Are you really together for 2 years, or almost 2 years? Don't forget that her mother also carried her for 9 months.

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Today, a guy attacked me and tried to steal my bag. I tried to defend myself by biting him as hard as I could. I then woke up to my husband screaming in pain. FML

#21360466
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32398) - you deserved it (3877)

On 02/21/2015 at 3:28pm - misc - by poncho55 (woman) -

Today, I got the most tear-jerking comment so far about my severe stutter. While I was talking to my neighbor, his little brother interrupted and asked me if I was possessed by a demon. FML

Today, I found out the hard way that blood-filled deer ticks can look a lot like black jelly beans. FML

#21360309
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29590) - you deserved it (7535)

On 02/21/2015 at 10:12am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend got her wisdom teeth removed. I really want to help her out while she recovers, but her swollen cheeks combined with her natural buck teeth keep making me crack up every time I see her. I can't help it and I'm now in the doghouse. FML

#21360286
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21593) - you deserved it (27380)

On 02/21/2015 at 9:20am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, my dad gave my younger brother condoms and a pat on the back, even though he doesn't have a girlfriend. This is after called me a whore after he saw me kissing my long-term boyfriend last week. FML

#21360278
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34656) - you deserved it (2601)

On 02/21/2015 at 8:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I witnessed the beautiful sight of a tiny baby bird struggling to take flight from its nest. "You can do it," I muttered, which I guess my asswipe of a cat heard as "Quick, go kill that bird and scar me for life, please." FML

#21360123
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27723) - you deserved it (3740)

On 02/20/2015 at 11:25pm - animals - by tulisa (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I noticed our weekly biohazardous waste pickup didn't occur as usual at the surgery center where I work. After calling, the company informed me they were short staffed and couldn't make it out 'til next week. Guess that amputated finger is just going to marinate another week. FML

Today, three days after finally having a bed to sleep on, I woke up with multiple bedbug bites. I can't use my blankets, wear any of my clothes and it's back to sleeping on the floor for me. FML

#21360063
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26347) - you deserved it (2119)

On 02/20/2015 at 9:54pm - animals - by fml (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my mom told me that, even though my brother sells drugs, he's still her favorite child. FML

#21359996
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31991) - you deserved it (2528)

On 02/20/2015 at 7:35pm - misc - by pissed - United States (Illinois)

Today, it was snowing but I had to let my dog out, so I picked him up and carried him outside. I slipped, landed on him and ended up breaking his leg. FML

#21359968
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31782) - you deserved it (6101)

On 02/20/2015 at 6:49pm - animals - by anonymous - United States (Arkansas)



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  • Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML
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Friday 27 February 2015

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