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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, after a discussion, my boyfriend said, "I think it's time you found somebody better." After I gave him a look, he continued, "For me." FML

#21394512
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26924) - you deserved it (2322)

On 04/16/2015 at 3:59am - love - by Marona (woman) - Croatia (Grad Zagreb)

Today, my husband came too soon during sex. He then tried to pretend it didn't happen and continued. He humped me with a half-erect noodle for about seven minutes before I finally called him out. FML

#21394468
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30619) - you deserved it (4847)

On 04/16/2015 at 1:04am - intimacy - by Evra (woman) - United States

Charles900's comment : I'd give him an "A" for effort.

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Today, I got up feeling refreshed and positive for the first time in ages, so I happily threw my window open to greet the beautiful morning. A bee flew into my eye. FML

#21394396
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29078) - you deserved it (2668)

On 04/15/2015 at 10:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, while cleaning my desk I found a stray gumball. I quickly popped it into my mouth only to discover with horror that it was a paintball. FML

#21394264
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16165) - you deserved it (31747)

On 04/15/2015 at 6:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Markovski's comment : Don't throw random shit in your mouth YDI

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Today, I went into work early so I could get my work all done and leave on time, rather than staying back. The later shift starters had other ideas and called in sick. FML

#21394245
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25553) - you deserved it (1913)

On 04/15/2015 at 6:32pm - work - by Devildrake (man) - Australia

Today, I tripped while rushing to my classes. In a desperate attempt to regain my balance, I grabbed the nearest thing to me. A fire alarm. FML

#21394235
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27868) - you deserved it (3322)

On 04/15/2015 at 6:12pm - misc - by Drill Drilled - United States (California)

wesleyc2110's comment : At least no one will notice you being late

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Today, a few weeks after teaching my dog to fetch my phone and drop it in my lap, he decided to do it spontaneously. Too bad I was in the bath at the time. There goes a $300 phone. FML

#21394097
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25707) - you deserved it (18675)

On 04/15/2015 at 1:18pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my roommate wants to kick me out because I can't afford to pay my share of the rent this month. I couldn't afford to, because I had to pay for repairs to my car after my roommate got drunk, stole my keys, and crashed it into a street light. FML

#21394027
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35696) - you deserved it (2584)

On 04/15/2015 at 10:32am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, my dad tricked the local biker gang into believing he's actually part of the Russian mob. FML

Today, my 3-year-old broke his glasses, clogged the toilet with Hot Wheel cars, and covered the whole house with Cheerios. All in a matter of roughly 6 minutes while I was putting laundry away. FML

#21393865
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29541) - you deserved it (3323)

On 04/15/2015 at 12:17am - kids - by mommylife (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got a massage. Just as I was starting to relax, the massage therapist drooled on my face. FML

#21393655
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27975) - you deserved it (1824)

On 04/14/2015 at 5:50pm - misc - by spitty (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I took my 5-year-old daughter to the play place at McDonalds but I had to keep her busy, instead of letting her play. A mom was teaching her 3-year-old daughter how to pole dance, using the play place's poles. FML

#21393641
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28087) - you deserved it (2209)

On 04/14/2015 at 5:17pm - kids - by Pandistoteles - United States



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