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Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML

#21340673
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27652) - you deserved it (3452)

On 01/19/2015 at 11:42pm - intimacy - by BDSM4Jesus - United States (Pennsylvania)

Storvolleng's comment : do the next best thing and shout "oh god!" he would be so pissed if you said his fathers name!

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Today, my 15 year old sister asked which animal rice comes from. She believed every word when my mum told her it's harvested from tiny cows in Asia. FML

#21340484
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27187) - you deserved it (2253)

On 01/19/2015 at 7:45pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Darkness_Hate's comment : She needs to read....there's a difference between being a naive person and an ignorant.

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Today, while on my driving test, the guy told me to pull over and do a U-turn. A few minutes later, he asked me to do another one. After the test, he said I'd failed because the second U-turn was illegal, and I should have refused to comply. I didn't know they're even allowed do that. FML

#21340454
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34995) - you deserved it (4710)

On 01/19/2015 at 6:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

FrostHeart's comment : Why would he let you take an illegal turn, or even suggest it in the first place? Sounds to me like someone has to reread their job description

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Today, while walking to work, I sneezed so violently that I slipped on a patch of ice and hit the ground hard, badly spraining my shoulder. I lay there in agony as a pair of bystanders just stood there, laughing their asses off. FML

#21340378
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28199) - you deserved it (2572)

On 01/19/2015 at 5:07pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I mixed up my chapstick and cork grease. Now my clarinet smells like cherries, and my lips smell like a gym floor. FML

#21340194
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28359) - you deserved it (6292)

On 01/19/2015 at 12:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I sat my son down for the sex talk. By the time it was over, he'd corrected me on several factual errors and told me what felching is. Now I remember why I never wanted kids. FML

#21340142
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30552) - you deserved it (6360)

On 01/19/2015 at 9:34am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I met my boyfriend's best friend. She was a girl he's known for years, and I respected that. She was sweet, until my boyfriend went to the bathroom and she threatened to stab me if I don't leave him. He doesn't believe me, and accused me of having serious jealousy issues. FML

#21340122
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35696) - you deserved it (2360)

On 01/19/2015 at 8:35am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend when I began dozing off. I was then awoken by an explosive fart. It was me. FML

#21340117
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28687) - you deserved it (4799)

On 01/19/2015 at 8:05am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, I lost a sewing needle in the carpet. No worries, my big toe found it. FML

#21340022
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29776) - you deserved it (3636)

On 01/19/2015 at 1:34am - misc - by momac86 - United States

Today, my crush was giving me a ride home. As we pulled up to my house, he looked into my eyes with a sweet smile and said the words every girl wants to hear - "Do you give head?" FML

#21339980
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33562) - you deserved it (5207)

On 01/19/2015 at 12:35am - intimacy - by anon - United States (Texas)

Today, my mother told me how long it took for her to have me. Not how long she carried me in her womb - how long it took her and my dad to have sex. FML

#21339798
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26898) - you deserved it (2194)

On 01/18/2015 at 8:18pm - intimacy - by -.- - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, just to win a bet against my mum that he could make me scream like a bitch, my dad faked his own suicide. He went the whole mile: fake blood everywhere, fake gun, yelling "Goodbye!" and playing a loud gunshot sound effect from his PC, everything. My dad won; my underwear lost. FML

#21339686
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37483) - you deserved it (3271)

On 01/18/2015 at 4:58pm - misc - by pissed out pants (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a job interview. It was my last shot of getting a job before my savings run dry. It all went well until I was asked why I wanted to join the company. I got flustered and stuttered, "Because I um, I like money?" The guy gave me the most insincere "We'll be in touch." ever. FML

#21339665
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25768) - you deserved it (7962)

On 01/18/2015 at 4:29pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maine)



Idan Schneider's illustrated FML

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  • The Best of the Worst #11
  • Yes, we're late. We've been doing stuff, the New Year and our birthday party got in the way, but there's no excuse. So, we're sorry for not churning out another Best of the Worst in due…

Wednesday 28 January 2015

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