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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML

#21206318
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39478) - you deserved it (7706)

On 07/11/2014 at 7:38pm - animals - by and god shat (woman) - United States (Oregon)

gjikvtj's comment : Hey, at least it didn't bite you

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Today, I had to explain to my boss that using a wired connection instead of wifi won't stop his computer from getting viruses. He looked at me, open-mouthed and wide-eyed, like he was a 13-year-old boy and I was a pair of tits. Then he called me clueless and told me to get back to work. FML

#21206280
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37240) - you deserved it (3114)

On 07/11/2014 at 6:54pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

tomwantssnow's comment : Love the analogy! Most people really just don't understand the internet though, all he really needs is something like AVG.

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Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML

#21206177
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39177) - you deserved it (5910)

On 07/11/2014 at 4:34pm - health - by soundslikeadumbcommentersituation (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

mysadlyfe's comment : I lost it at "my asshole went numb" sorry op!! sounds embarassing!

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Today, I texted my mom asking how she was doing. Apparently she's great, and on her honeymoon. I didn't know she was getting married, or that my parents had just gotten divorced. FML

#21206148
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41173) - you deserved it (3886)

On 07/11/2014 at 4:02pm - misc - by morgan_rumm (woman) -

Today, I decided to bring down a very old fan from the attic. I plugged it in, and as soon as I turned it on, tiny spiders were blown all over my room. FML

#21206028
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44384) - you deserved it (15790)

On 07/11/2014 at 1:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was in a restaurant bathroom, when another girl walked in. I have anxiety issues, and couldn't leave my stall until the other person went first. She rushed into a stall and had violent diarrhea for a good 10 minutes. FML

Today, on the bus, a little boy gave me the dirtiest look, pointed at my pregnant stomach, and menacingly said, "I know what you did." FML

#21205823
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48426) - you deserved it (6389)

On 07/11/2014 at 7:03am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, we finished a sit-up test at school. I had been training for the athletic tests, so I was proud of my score. When someone asked what I got and I shared, proud, they responded with, "I bet it helps that your fat bounces you back up." FML

#21205700
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41278) - you deserved it (3781)

On 07/11/2014 at 2:04am - health - by Useless training - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was stuck on a campus tour with my subtly racist mother who, in an attempt to seem open-minded, deemed it appropriate to refer to our black tour guide as "Sistah". FML

#21205559
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39884) - you deserved it (3290)

On 07/10/2014 at 11:32pm - misc - by look how totally not racist I am! - United States (California)

Today, I was interviewing a woman for a job. She told me that she may need days off because of her artistic son. I jokingly replied, "Does he color on the walls or something?" She then stared at me with a weird look on her face. Autistic, her son is autistic. FML

#21205262
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34969) - you deserved it (19223)

On 07/10/2014 at 6:17pm - work - by dammit hearing aid - United States (Iowa)

Today, I nearly had an anxiety attack trying to sneak up on my sister to silly-string her. FML

#21205230
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30035) - you deserved it (11611)

On 07/10/2014 at 5:28pm - misc - by cassieono - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my ex told me that she's 3 weeks pregnant with my child. Not only was she on her period when I broke up with her last week, her friend let me know that the positive pregnancy test she showed me was a fake that she'd bought online. FML

#21205080
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47348) - you deserved it (4304)

On 07/10/2014 at 1:52pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my fiancée has been saying, "Shit's gone cray-cray" for over a week. I finally snapped. When I was done ranting, she murmured, "Baby, don't be cray-cray". FML

#21204913
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44969) - you deserved it (7670)

On 07/10/2014 at 9:34am - love - by oh my fucking god (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)



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