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Today, after finally spending the night with my longtime crush, it's as if I can still feel her fingers caressing my hair. But wait, no, that's just the head lice she gave me. FML

#21432396
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25461) - you deserved it (2454)

On 06/26/2015 at 4:08pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

WCARlover's comment : You may have gotten laid but the price was paid

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Today, our outgoing boss told us about guy who's replacing him, saying he's very nice but very anal about things. Without thinking, I shrugged and said "Anal's not bad." Now everyone's calling me Anal-Girl. FML

#21432392
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23071) - you deserved it (7508)

On 06/26/2015 at 3:56pm - work - by very analytical (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

BntyHntrSeattle's comment : Well, now all you can do is own it. Don't have a stick up your ass about it. Or do, I guess.

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Today, my mom kicked my dad out of the house and told him not to come home again. Why? I started watching some porn on my computer, forgetting I was still connected to the bluetooth speakers in the living room. My mom thought it was my dad, and I didn't have the balls to admit the truth. FML

#21432346
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11831) - you deserved it (36019)

On 06/26/2015 at 2:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Russian Federation (Moscow City)

goldbugs's comment : OP, Go get your dad back and explain the misunderstanding. It's better to be embarrassed than to have separated parents...

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Today, my dad drunkenly confessed that the reason he never gave me the sex talk was because he figured that I'm too weird-looking and socially awkward to ever get laid. He's right, all too right. FML

#21432333
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24694) - you deserved it (1964)

On 06/26/2015 at 1:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Zambia

Today, I accidentally posted an extensive, negative review of the gynecologist I visited earlier this week. I messed up and posted it from my work's customer service email, so now it looks like the large, well-known company I work for had a poor gynecological experience. FML

#21432306
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15275) - you deserved it (20145)

On 06/26/2015 at 12:54pm - work - by AshWil - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, my mother woke me up by putting a beer on my face. After 15 minutes of her telling me to "just take a sip" and me rejecting it, I finally did just to shut her up. She then yelled at me for giving in to "peer pressure". FML

#21432298
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26149) - you deserved it (2452)

On 06/26/2015 at 12:38pm - misc - by Good Parenting? - United States (Maryland)

Today, my house was robbed while I was at work. The robber left a note telling me my stuff was crappy and that they found my safe under the bed. FML

#21432294
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23818) - you deserved it (1713)

On 06/26/2015 at 12:29pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was at my lifeguarding exam. Everything was going well until I went to 'save' someone and slipped and bellyflopped into the pool. I broke my toe, and the person I was supposed to save ended up saving me instead. FML

#21432224
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25354) - you deserved it (2423)

On 06/26/2015 at 9:09am - misc - by mytoehurts - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up to my mother telling me to sit up and get dressed because we had to go before it was too late. I just woke up from surgery. She didn't want to be stuck in traffic. FML

#21432043
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28380) - you deserved it (1715)

On 06/25/2015 at 11:06pm - health - by postop (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I keep getting calls from companies that I applied to for interviews. The thing is, I moved 1,000 miles away a week ago because I couldn't find a job. FML

#21431867
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25071) - you deserved it (2916)

On 06/25/2015 at 4:59pm - work - by missmolliss (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went to visit my mother after many years. Her hoarding has gotten so bad that now the house is entirely filled with junk and garbage, and she is camping out in the jungle of a backyard, cooking on a cauldron over a fire and shitting in the compost pile, with no working heat or water. FML

#21431843
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25755) - you deserved it (2066)

On 06/25/2015 at 4:03pm - misc - by childofcrazy (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my dad got so drunk that I had to drive him home. He kept yelling at me to not speed, saying I was going too fast and that there were too many bumps on the road. I hadn't even started the car yet. FML



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