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Today, I found out I have sodium fluoride poisoning. Apparently, my water has a high level of sodium fluorine. I've been drinking much more water lately trying to be healthier. FML

#21313951
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29020) - you deserved it (2265)

On 12/08/2014 at 6:23pm - health - by anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, my mother has issued a 'Christmas Ultimatum'. The rest of us have exactly 2 days to "get some Christmas around here" or we will feel her wrath. FML

#21313942
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24099) - you deserved it (3611)

On 12/08/2014 at 6:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I witnessed my dad rummage through his nostrils, thoughtfully examine the contents, and flick them nonchalantly onto the carpet. All of this he did with the biggest demented grin on his face. Sadly, this has become a regular occurrence. FML

#21313940
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22667) - you deserved it (2045)

On 12/08/2014 at 6:08pm - misc - by blech (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I finally found my passport. The day after my flight took off and left me behind. FML

#21313778
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28883) - you deserved it (8317)

On 12/08/2014 at 1:43pm - misc - by forgetful - United Kingdom (Kingston upon Hull, City of)

Today, I went on a date with a girl who had to cut our date short so she could go on another one. FML

#21313753
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32939) - you deserved it (3230)

On 12/08/2014 at 12:58pm - love - by Anonomous - Canada (Ontario)

Zebediabolical's comment : "Yeah. I hit on you from two internet profiles. So you don't really need to go across town to meet me again."

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Today, I enjoyed the soft caressing touch of the person I'm attracted to. It would have been even better if he weren't simply stroking my arm hair in amazement at its superior length and density. FML

#21313670
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28899) - you deserved it (4262)

On 12/08/2014 at 9:12am - love - by lovethateuropeanblood (woman) - Japan (Osaka)

Today, my boss commented on the fact that I don't usually wear makeup, then told me it would be much appreciated if I'd change that. FML

#21313609
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28620) - you deserved it (2924)

On 12/08/2014 at 4:17am - work - by sarahc_c (woman) -

Today, I fell asleep on the couch and woke up to find that I had slept through my house getting robbed. FML

#21313515
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30139) - you deserved it (3655)

On 12/08/2014 at 12:03am - misc - by BedazzledAlpaca (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boyfriend gave me a long, philosophical explanation about how he doesn't love me, but we should still have sex. FML

#21313490
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31177) - you deserved it (2699)

On 12/07/2014 at 11:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Eliseopwns's comment : Give him a long, philosophical explanation how you really love sex, simply not with him.

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Today, my girlfriend decided to treat me out to dinner and cake for my birthday. My mom felt left out and yelled at my girlfriend in an angry tirade. My girlfriend went home. I'm spending my birthday, alone in my room. FML

#21313391
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31104) - you deserved it (2367)

On 12/07/2014 at 9:18pm - misc - by Haitwun (man) - United States (California)

cmchappy's comment : Sorry op but your moms a bitch

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Today, my boyfriend made me a milkshake. It was pale yellow with some black spots. He told me it was banana and poppy seed. After drinking it, he told me they weren't poppy seeds. They were his pubes. FML

#21313388
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35266) - you deserved it (4079)

On 12/07/2014 at 9:12pm - misc - by pubemilkshake - United States (Utah)

Today, my sister turned the volume on my phone way up and changed the ringtone to a woman's blood-curdling scream. I found this out when she called my phone at 2am as I slept next to it. I pissed my pants and fell out of bed screaming in terror. I'll never hear the end of this. FML

#21313211
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36082) - you deserved it (3581)

On 12/07/2014 at 3:54pm - kids - by terdberglerforlyfe (man) - Brazil (Sao Paulo)

Today, while clearing stuff out of the basement, I found my ex-wife's old electronic diary device from the '90s. I found the charger, powered it up, and had soon read all about out she'd been cheating on me for almost half our marriage with the guy she's now married to. FML

#21313160
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35643) - you deserved it (2907)

On 12/07/2014 at 2:20pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Ireland (Galway)



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