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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I wanted to text my girlfriend but lately we'd been at a loss for things to talk about. I thought, "Come on, she's your girlfriend, what's the worst that could happen." One hour and twenty two minutes later, I was single. FML

#21444850
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24822) - you deserved it (2853)

On 07/21/2015 at 2:15am - love - by UnfortunatelySingle (man) - United States (Oregon)

McMeh's comment : Jeez dude. What did you send her?

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Today, while working as a cart attendant, I found one of my coworkers on a lawn chair sipping on a Bud light in the parking lot, while we both were supposed to be working, leaving me to push carts by myself. My boss comes out to me catching my breath and tells me to work harder. FML

#21444844
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24224) - you deserved it (1683)

On 07/21/2015 at 2:05am - work - by actionboy116 (man) - United States (Minnesota)

leafeon523's comment : Tell your boss to give your coworker a breathalyzer test. Pretty sure it's illegal to be intoxicated while on the job at most places.

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Today, I was doing my first shift waitressing in a café. Not an hour in, I'd already spilt tea over somebody and dropped two whole meals. Looks like this won't last much longer. FML

#21444635
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21398) - you deserved it (3871)

On 07/20/2015 at 6:17pm - work - by failingyetagain - United Kingdom (Leicestershire)

Today, my flatmate asked me to wash the large pile of dishes on the bench, and if I would start on cleaning the house which was a total mess. This would have been fine if I hadn't just walked in after being away for a week. FML

#21444629
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22854) - you deserved it (1870)

On 07/20/2015 at 6:01pm - misc - by I did them anyway (woman) - New Zealand

serslybro's comment : Sounds like someone thinks you're a maid service... I would put it all in his bed. Lol

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Today, my religious friend and I ended up having wild sex in the back of his mom's minivan. We got interrupted by a priest knocking at our window. Well played God, well played. FML

#21444515
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26412) - you deserved it (7194)

On 07/20/2015 at 1:48pm - intimacy - by Marika - United States (California)

Today, after hours of waiting in line, I finally met my favorite band. After posing for a picture, I looked at my phone to find that instead of taking a picture with me and the band, my friend took selfies. FML

Today, I was fired from my dream job for being pregnant. Apparently, you can't teach children while growing one inside you. FML

#21444439
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30836) - you deserved it (2105)

On 07/20/2015 at 10:29am - work - by mrsmahdi - United States (California)

Today, a customer wanted corporate's number because we aren't allowed to sell pies after midnight. After a drug-fuelled cuss-storm, she punched me in the face through the open window and peeled out of drive-thru like a bat out of hell. FML

#21444376
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22949) - you deserved it (1626)

On 07/20/2015 at 4:21am - work - by TheDrugsAreStrongWithThisOne (woman) - United States

Today, the AC broke at work. I work in a hotel and every single guest asked me if I knew how hot it was in the lobby. It was 96 degrees for 7 hours. I definitely knew. FML

Today, I woke to find a pool of my own blood all over my pillow. Frantic to find the source of the blood, I rushed into the bathroom and tripped over my too-long pajama pants. Crashing to the floor face first, I broke my nose. Turns out I had just bitten my lip in the middle of the night. FML

#21444253
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23015) - you deserved it (3261)

On 07/19/2015 at 11:02pm - health - by Bleach dat Blood (woman) -

Today, I received a text with my last name spelled wrong. A short conversation revealed he got my number from me, through Tinder. I don't have an account, but he insisted he knew that I like it 'hard and rough'. He knew my first name. I still don't know how he got my phone number or name. FML

#21444252
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23983) - you deserved it (1680)

On 07/19/2015 at 11:00pm - intimacy - by creepedout (woman) - United States (California)

Today, for some reason entirely beyond my knowledge, Siri referred to me as "Sugartits". FML

#21444204
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22048) - you deserved it (2870)

On 07/19/2015 at 9:23pm - misc - by anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had lunch with an old friend I've had a crush on for years. We're both single, so I figured it to be kind of like a date. Until he started talking about how he told his brother last night that we would never be a thing. FML

#21444043
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21808) - you deserved it (2252)

On 07/19/2015 at 2:02pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)



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