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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I found out why I receive random drug tests at work. The safety department was specifically told by my boss to check up on me because I always seem way too cheerful to not be high. I've passed every single test. FML

#21342840
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28675) - you deserved it (2214)

On 01/23/2015 at 11:41am - work - by Ineedlotsofwater (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend was rushed to the hospital with anal tearing. We've never tried anal before, but it turns out she and my "best friend" sure have. FML

#21342800
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39786) - you deserved it (2479)

On 01/23/2015 at 9:58am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

sobstory10000's comment : It's now time to tear up that relationship with both of them

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Today, I started at my new job. Turns out my boss is a complete douchebag. He spent most of the day looking over our shoulders and making cuntish comments about our work, then called a guy a piece of shit for farting and forced him to spray disinfectant on his chair. FML

#21342765
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27227) - you deserved it (2292)

On 01/23/2015 at 8:27am - work - by Mishlette (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, I was asked by a total stranger if I had Tourettes. This is the third time this has happened to me. FML

#21342680
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25090) - you deserved it (4685)

On 01/23/2015 at 2:39am - misc - by Evra (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend uploaded a pic to snapchat that said "the love of my life." It was a pic of our beautiful baby girl. Then he uploaded another pic that said "the 2nd love of my life." It was a pic of the fuel truck he drives for work. FML

#21342658
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28024) - you deserved it (3719)

On 01/23/2015 at 1:33am - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Jae_Hellyun's comment : Maybe the truck rides better?

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Today, while breast feeding my 7 month old before his nap, I hummed his favorite song as I rocked. He pulled away, stared at me, and cried til I shut up. FML

#21342394
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25717) - you deserved it (4241)

On 01/22/2015 at 5:36pm - kids - by ameliaruth09 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Pingvinai's comment : Weaponize your voice against your enemies.

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Today, I was diagnosed with gonorrhea. My dad's reaction was to slowly clap at the news then giggle at his own joke. FML

#21342311
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26114) - you deserved it (8816)

On 01/22/2015 at 3:23pm - health - by annoyed (man) - United States (California)

Today, my in-laws were visiting. My mother-in-law asked my 10-year-old son what he wants to be when he grows up. He said "A pimp!" I have no idea where he even heard the word, but the death glares my in-laws gave me made me want to shrivel up and die. FML

#21342258
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26205) - you deserved it (2609)

On 01/22/2015 at 1:27pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I called a suicide prevention hotline. The guy who picked up sounded drunk, told me to fuck off, and hung up. FML

#21342247
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37712) - you deserved it (3159)

On 01/22/2015 at 12:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I made a joke that my boyfriend was going to end up sending me into premature labor. Later, I went into labor for real. My boyfriend thought I was faking and refused to take me to the hospital. FML

#21342125
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29973) - you deserved it (7344)

On 01/22/2015 at 6:32am - health - by unsuspectingmom - United States (Michigan)

Today, a homeless guy tried to light my hair on fire with a match at the bus stop. FML

#21342118
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28527) - you deserved it (2201)

On 01/22/2015 at 5:40am - misc - by burningman (man) - Germany (Hessen)

Today, I was riding my bike to work in a hurry and hit a pothole. I flew off and hit the ground hard. I was badly shaken, but an old lady came over, checked me out and helped me to my feet. After she left the scene, I realized she'd pickpocketed my wallet while "helping" me. FML

#21342099
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31442) - you deserved it (2640)

On 01/22/2015 at 4:02am - health - by shifala (man) - Philippines (Quezon City)

Today, I caught my girlfriend Googling how to uninstall Siri. I asked why she wanted to do that, and she said, "I don't like it. I don't like how the slut talks to you." I get the feeling I'll need a gun when I break up with this crazy fucker. FML

#21342067
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32321) - you deserved it (4634)

On 01/22/2015 at 1:41am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)



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