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Today, I was diagnosed with a condition that makes me lactate. I'm a 6' tattooed guy with a boxing competition coming up soon. I'm never going to hear the end of this. FML

#21520387
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21722) - you deserved it (1554)

On 01/28/2016 at 11:26am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Welshite's comment : Drink your own breast milk. It's supposedly good for building muscle. Soon you'll be having your opponents begging for your secret.

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Today, I found out my parents only had me in an attempt to fix their relationship. It didn't work. FML

#21520383
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20730) - you deserved it (1207)

On 01/28/2016 at 11:05am - misc - by crinitis - Canada (Ontario)

iiTzNeeNerz's comment : Why couples think this is ever a good idea is beyond me. A baby won't fix a broken relationship.

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Today, I found out my best friend was cheating on her boyfriend. After confronting her boyfriend and showing him proof, he responded with denial and didn't believe me. Now my whole circle of friends not only think I'm trying to start a rumor, but that I'm a home wrecker. FML

#21520351
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20315) - you deserved it (8028)

On 01/28/2016 at 7:12am - misc - by iTried - United States (Texas)

deathstroke990's comment : if she's your best friend, why not approach her about it first? instead of directly going to the boyfriend

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Today, it was an extremely hot day so I hit up the beach for a swim. Just as I entered the water, the first wave approached me. I tried to jump it and lost my footing, managing to dislocate my hip. I had to be dragged from the water by the lifeguards. FML

#21520345
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19369) - you deserved it (2031)

On 01/28/2016 at 6:42am - misc - by water fail - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML

#21520327
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22794) - you deserved it (1500)

On 01/28/2016 at 3:39am - animals - by sweetie808 - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I found out that I don't have to work tomorrow. Normally I would be thrilled to hear this, but not from the 6 o'clock news, doing a piece on my work's rat infestation and indefinite shut down. FML

#21520317
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18927) - you deserved it (1248)

On 01/28/2016 at 2:02am - work - by imahater07 - United States (California)

Today, I received a phone call from my boss, from the other side of the country. It seems the conference I sent him to is actually happening next week. FML

#21520233
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18202) - you deserved it (6220)

On 01/27/2016 at 9:44pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was taking a dump at work. I had my two-way radio attached to the back of my belt. When I stood up and pulled my pants up, I managed to send the antenna straight up my butt. FML

#21520186
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19671) - you deserved it (4302)

On 01/27/2016 at 7:29pm - misc - by poopsicle (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, after weeks of watching Michael Jackson videos non-stop, my boyfriend learned how to moonwalk. Now he does it literally everywhere. I can't even cross the street without him moonwalking behind me. FML

#21520184
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18468) - you deserved it (2629)

On 01/27/2016 at 7:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I took a swig of my Dr Pepper while having a meeting with my manager. As soon as I was about to swallow, I began coughing, and spat a whole mouthful all over her face. FML

#21520140
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17442) - you deserved it (3179)

On 01/27/2016 at 5:35pm - work - by westwoodcosmo - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was sitting in the living room with my husband when we heard a baby coo. This would have been adorable, if we had a baby. FML

#21520098
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18541) - you deserved it (1222)

On 01/27/2016 at 2:43pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she loved me for the first time. Unfortunately, it was her way of saying that she didn't want to lose me after cheating on me yesterday. FML

#21520051
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20654) - you deserved it (1233)

On 01/27/2016 at 12:11pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, at my daughter's fundraiser, I noticed that a guy with a face only a fist could love kept staring at her. I said "Beautiful, isn't she?" Before I could tell him to keep it in his damned pants, he replied "Hah. She's my girlfriend, dude. Total beast in the sack." Complete news to me on both counts. FML

#21520041
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24335) - you deserved it (2715)

On 01/27/2016 at 11:35am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

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  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

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