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Today, I witnessed the beautiful sight of a tiny baby bird struggling to take flight from its nest. "You can do it," I muttered, which I guess my asswipe of a cat heard as "Quick, go kill that bird and scar me for life, please." FML

#21360123
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27304) - you deserved it (3712)

On 02/20/2015 at 11:25pm - animals - by tulisa (woman) - United States (Virginia)

NodakN8V's comment : Cats are assholes

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Today, I noticed our weekly biohazardous waste pickup didn't occur as usual at the surgery center where I work. After calling, the company informed me they were short staffed and couldn't make it out 'til next week. Guess that amputated finger is just going to marinate another week. FML

unidentifieduser's comment : I used to love the word "marinate" but this has forever ruined it for me.

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Today, three days after finally having a bed to sleep on, I woke up with multiple bedbug bites. I can't use my blankets, wear any of my clothes and it's back to sleeping on the floor for me. FML

#21360063
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26040) - you deserved it (2116)

On 02/20/2015 at 9:54pm - animals - by fml (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my mom told me that, even though my brother sells drugs, he's still her favorite child. FML

#21359996
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31537) - you deserved it (2525)

On 02/20/2015 at 7:35pm - misc - by pissed - United States (Illinois)

WCARlover's comment : Maybe he gives her a good deal on drugs and that's why

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Today, it was snowing but I had to let my dog out, so I picked him up and carried him outside. I slipped, landed on him and ended up breaking his leg. FML

#21359968
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31358) - you deserved it (6077)

On 02/20/2015 at 6:49pm - animals - by anonymous - United States (Arkansas)

Today, some popped-collar wearing shitbird tried to pick me up with the line, "You look like Marilyn Monroe's corpse! Wanna fuck?" FML

#21359908
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28690) - you deserved it (2303)

On 02/20/2015 at 4:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I drove alone for the first time since I passed my test. I kept getting weird looks from other drivers and got pulled over by a cop. He said I was clearly underage and was sure my license was fake. Almost half an hour later, he finally let me go. I hate having a baby-face. FML

#21359872
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30121) - you deserved it (2274)

On 02/20/2015 at 3:00pm - misc - by all tweened out (man) - Canada

Today, my surgeon was giving me the lowdown of what was going to happen on the operating table. I was anxious enough without him saying stuff like "cut you open", "quite a bit of blood" and "it's all quite risky." That's all I remember before fainting. My wife won't stop mocking me for it. FML

#21359857
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24872) - you deserved it (2792)

On 02/20/2015 at 2:25pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I'm 8 months pregnant and still waitressing at a local restaurant. There were only 3 of us serving today and things were hectic. One guy bitched me out, saying "Maybe if you lost some weight you'd walk a little faster!" because I wasn't fast enough with his soup. FML

#21359797
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34266) - you deserved it (2391)

On 02/20/2015 at 12:56pm - work - by blahblah1993 - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend commented on one of his his ex-girlfriend's Facebook photos, saying how smoking hot she looks and how much he wants her. His excuse was that the photo was posted before he was with me, so he's clearly doing nothing wrong. FML

Today, I woke up to a phone with most of my female contacts missing. I think I'm dating a psycho. FML

#21359722
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32180) - you deserved it (4478)

On 02/20/2015 at 8:35am - love - by FunGhoost - United States (California)

Today, I tried to overcome my shyness by warmly greeting the bus driver while entering it. I instead blurted out really loudly the words of the song my iPod was playing. FML

#21359655
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27390) - you deserved it (5742)

On 02/20/2015 at 3:12am - misc - by OzzyWannabee - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend for the first time. Even after several hours I wasn't able to climax. My girlfriend now thinks that I don't like her body, and the reason I couldn't orgasm is because I don't like having sex with her. We spend the rest of the night in silence. FML



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