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Today, while out for dinner with my parents, a woman, approximately the same age as my mother, repeatedly propositioned me for sex during the course of my meal. After declining firmly several times, she only stopped after my mother convinced her I was gay. FML

#21279658
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34042) - you deserved it (2980)

On 10/17/2014 at 6:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Auckland)

Aquaman911's comment : She should respect your decision, men don't want to have sex all the time with anyone!

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Today, my dad told me someday I'll find a man who wants a nice lumberjack for a wife. FML

#21279635
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30156) - you deserved it (2961)

On 10/17/2014 at 4:14am - love - by axewoman -

philipino's comment : And then you can treat his wood for him ;)

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Today, my boyfriend gave his penis a high five for not getting me pregnant. He does this every time I get my period. Every. Single. Time. FML

#21279390
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35850) - you deserved it (5788)

On 10/16/2014 at 9:27pm - love - by highfive - United States (Massachusetts)

Pwib's comment : Can you really give it "five" if it doesn't have a hand?

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Today, I never really thought that my boyfriend and brother having the same name was too weird. Until I called out his name during climax. FML

#21279374
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34050) - you deserved it (4491)

On 10/16/2014 at 9:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was driving with my grandma and she was going 30 over the speed limit. To slow her down, I said, "Hey look, the police". She slammed on the brakes so hard I hit my head on the dashboard. FML

#21279207
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30555) - you deserved it (15219)

On 10/16/2014 at 4:56pm - misc - by karmaaa - United States (Iowa)

Today, I walked into my house and saw it was flooded. I went upstairs to the bathroom to see the toilet overflowing and my boyfriend holding my dog over it so he could drink it. My boyfriend said he didn't know what else to do. FML

#21279204
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33322) - you deserved it (3400)

On 10/16/2014 at 4:53pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I accidentally belched at the dinner table. At age 22, I got sent to my room with no dessert by my parents. FML

#21279192
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32414) - you deserved it (8054)

On 10/16/2014 at 4:32pm - misc - by not saying it was whores, but... - United States

Today, my wife yelled at me for being a bastard and not caring about her needs. I felt like an asshole and apologized for everything. It took me a few hours to realize I'd basically just apologized for unknowingly hanging the toilet paper the "wrong way" for her OCD. FML

#21279154
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32555) - you deserved it (4847)

On 10/16/2014 at 3:30pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my father described me as "the sort of sucker women marry then cheat on all the time." My mother agreed with him. FML

#21279077
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32090) - you deserved it (2951)

On 10/16/2014 at 1:07pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, the steroids I was prescribed for a slightly irritating sinus infection have worked, albeit at the price of making me almost shit my pants multiple times. My sinuses are now clear enough that I get the full scent of my steroid-induced diarrhea. FML

#21279069
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28482) - you deserved it (2527)

On 10/16/2014 at 12:44pm - health - by roidrager (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got stitches in my breast. I never knew how much they jiggled until every bump on the road made my breast feel like it was on fire. FML

#21278689
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34423) - you deserved it (2447)

On 10/15/2014 at 10:33pm - health - by BoobiePain - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML

#21278553
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34484) - you deserved it (3713)

On 10/15/2014 at 7:36pm - misc - by facepalm (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was leading a tour of my university and saw a girl in ripped jeans and combat boots smoking a cigarette. I told her that she shouldn't be representing the school in such a manner. She shot back: "I'm a Presidential Scholar. Suck my dick, bitch." FML

#21278356
310 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25272) - you deserved it (50361)

On 10/15/2014 at 1:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)



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