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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I got yelled at by a bleeding-heart hippy in the restroom for using paper towels. Apparently I'm a "tree-hating, paper-wasting bitch". I had a nosebleed. FML

#21263128
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32664) - you deserved it (2552)

On 09/22/2014 at 1:41pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

mt631's comment : Use their shirt instead.

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Today, I found out that the neighborhood call-girl my husband and I secretly joke about is the same woman who secretly pleasures my husband for money. FML

#21263093
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37151) - you deserved it (4570)

On 09/22/2014 at 12:43pm - intimacy - by mislead - United States (Louisiana)

cjwayy's comment : Ooh, what a twist of fate!

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Today, coming home from a trip in the mountains, I got a cracked radiator and my car overheated. My dad came to get me, he drove my car and I followed in his. I got pulled over and ticketed for his expired registration. FML

#21263040
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31887) - you deserved it (2953)

On 09/22/2014 at 10:25am - misc - by willconqueror1 - United States

Today, I learned that even though a woman has a baby carriage and seems friendly, she won't be afraid to mug you in front of her kid. FML

#21262985
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33664) - you deserved it (2857)

On 09/22/2014 at 6:58am - health - by deathstar3548 (man) - United States (Florida)

beaglegal's comment : F that baby's life.... He or she will have a terrible mother!

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Today, I got hit by a car while riding my bike to work. In the hospital, every single nurse lectured me about how I wouldn't be here if I wore a helmet, which I'm sure would be really helpful to my broken leg. FML

#21262936
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36111) - you deserved it (4491)

On 09/22/2014 at 2:45am - health - by thebrokentardis (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was reviewing for a major nursing school exam I have this week. I panicked because none of the material seemed familiar, and figured that I must've missed something during class and now had to catch up. After 4 hours, I finally realized that I'd been studying from the wrong textbook. FML

#21262757
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28714) - you deserved it (12135)

On 09/21/2014 at 10:12pm - misc - by IdiotNursingStudent (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our six-month anniversary. And by that, I mean he brought along his obnoxious best friend, and I paid for everyone's dinner at an expensive restaurant. FML

#21262754
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30298) - you deserved it (6296)

On 09/21/2014 at 10:11pm - love - by thnxbabe -

Today, the man who hit on me in a store and asked for my number showed up on my doorstep to inquire about my couch for sale. With his wife. FML

#21262712
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30088) - you deserved it (2250)

On 09/21/2014 at 9:27pm - misc - by ohtheirony -

Today, I had a garage sale, and had amongst my clothing a few sets of underwear. A old man came up and asked to buy all of them. I'm so poor, I couldn't say no to the pervert. FML

#21262480
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33208) - you deserved it (6882)

On 09/21/2014 at 2:23pm - money - by sickened (woman) - United Kingdom (Gateshead)

Today, I flew across country to college. My luggage did not. FML

#21262400
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34149) - you deserved it (2800)

On 09/21/2014 at 11:51am - misc - by Need Clothes Now (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I heard what sounded like high-pitched feminine moaning coming from my son's room. I knocked and walked in, expecting to catch him red handed with a girl. He'd just beaten his high score on Flappy Bird. FML

#21262395
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32223) - you deserved it (7091)

On 09/21/2014 at 11:33am - intimacy - by royallymessedup - United Kingdom

Today, a guy told me I "kind of look like a girl" if he looked at me from the right angle. Well, I am a girl, and this is the closest thing to a compliment that I've gotten in years. FML

Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was about to orgasm, the gold crucifix came flying off his necklace and sliced my eyelid open. Message received. Well played, God. FML

#21262317
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35970) - you deserved it (5389)

On 09/21/2014 at 7:27am - intimacy - by Sinnersinner - United States (California)



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