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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, while walking my dog, I opened my mouth to yawn. A wasp took the opportunity to fly into my mouth and announce its presence by stinging my tongue. FML

Today, I went to a job interview. It would have been fine if I had remembered it was over the phone, and not in person. I drove two hours. FML

Today, my boss fired me by locking me out of my workplace after I went out to throw out the trash. FML

#21391103
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29290) - you deserved it (2119)

On 04/10/2015 at 2:28am - work - by jobless - United States (Colorado)

StzaCrack666's comment : When you were taking out the trash you forgot a big piece... Your boss

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Today, I showed a kid how to knock somebody out for self defense. He then knocked me unconscious with the same method I'd just showed him. FML

#21390911
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25414) - you deserved it (9222)

On 04/09/2015 at 9:02pm - misc - by Jakesssss - United States (Ohio)

Aspen_Grace33's comment : Well, look at the bright side...you're a great teacher!!!

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Today, I told my younger brother that I'm a lesbian. Now he keeps asking me if I want to play rock, paper, vagina. FML

#21390758
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26975) - you deserved it (4522)

On 04/09/2015 at 4:24pm - love - by Sarah (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

luarasticks's comment : technically, the joke would still work with the classic rock, paper, scissors.

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Today, I was driving and someone was following me across the city and wouldn't let up, so I drove past my house, thinking it was a stalker. Eventually I lost them on the highway. It wasn't until I'd gotten back home that I remembered that my 'stalker' was a coworker I'd invited over for lunch. FML

#21390746
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14094) - you deserved it (35781)

On 04/09/2015 at 4:11pm - work - by Distracted (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, someone lost a support beam on the highway. My car found it. FML

Today, a parent of one of the students I teach called me to complain that I was teaching her child "lies" and "fairytales". I was teaching them about the Holocaust. FML

#21390720
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31479) - you deserved it (1789)

On 04/09/2015 at 3:38pm - work - by PrettySureItsReal - United States (Missouri)

Today, I got a bikini as a birthday present. I pulled the bikini bottom out of the box first, only to find a pubic hair stuck to the hygienic liner. FML

#21390617
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30262) - you deserved it (2009)

On 04/09/2015 at 12:00pm - misc - by gross - United States (Michigan)

Today, I got a 'Good Morning' text from my boyfriend. Since I hadn't gotten one of those in a while, I thought it was rather nice. That is, until I saw the picture that accompanied it. It was of him, sitting on the toilet and taking a shit. FML

#21390594
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26071) - you deserved it (3189)

On 04/09/2015 at 11:10am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went driving for the first time with my mom. When she wasn't screaming, she gave great advice like, "Stop at the red light" and "Don't crash into cars". I need to drive 50 hours with her. FML

#21390568
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26106) - you deserved it (2206)

On 04/09/2015 at 10:03am - misc - by fedupson - United States (California)

Today, at the restaurant I work at, my own mom refused to give a tip and complained to my boss. FML

#21390474
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30592) - you deserved it (3052)

On 04/09/2015 at 3:55am - work - by jackzz - Vietnam (Dac Lac)

Today, I overheard a large group of my friends and acquaintances making spontaneous plans to go see a movie that afternoon. I was the only person not invited. Normally I would have believed their excuse that they thought I was "sick at home", except I was sitting a few feet away the entire time. FML

#21390441
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27304) - you deserved it (2344)

On 04/09/2015 at 2:25am - misc - by ifeelsoloved (woman) - United States (North Carolina)



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