Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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Today, I heard a noise in my garage so I grabbed a baseball bat and went to look. The skunk I stirred was actually better armed than me. FML

#21523316
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17935) - you deserved it (1778)

On 02/06/2016 at 6:42am - animals - by moosemay (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, it's been five days since I started my new job in a new town, just signed a lease on my new apartment too. Now I find out the company's closing down, and since I'm still on probation, I'm told I'm not entitled to any kind of severance. FML

#21523276
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20310) - you deserved it (1656)

On 02/06/2016 at 1:28am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, I accidentally forwarded a link to a weird fart porn video to my chat group. They've been silent for 30 minutes now. FML

#21523269
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14632) - you deserved it (11524)

On 02/06/2016 at 12:55am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

jazmin27's comment : must mean they're watching the video

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Today, my grandma got drunk, tried to change the TV channel with my Xbox controller, and slurred at me to fuck off when I told her it wasn't the remote. She pulls this kind of crap way too often. FML

#21523258
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17501) - you deserved it (1337)

On 02/06/2016 at 12:04am - misc - by sick of this shit (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, at my minimum wage job, we received a half-way decomposed dog found in a lake. It was my job to tear open the bag and try to identify the breed and color. It would've been easier if the body wasn't crawling with maggots. FML

#21523219
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21079) - you deserved it (1608)

On 02/05/2016 at 10:24pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

organizse's comment : What kind of job is this??

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Today, I told my step-mom that my medication is causing me to lose weight. She looked me up and down and suggested I triple my dosage. FML

#21523215
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19694) - you deserved it (1920)

On 02/05/2016 at 10:11pm - misc - by cuntingbitchofawhore - United States (Indiana)

organizse's comment : Casually slip her some Xanax bc she needs to chill out

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Today, my now ex-boyfriend accused me of wanting to screw his 11-year-old brother, all because I expressed interest in going to his birthday party. FML

#21523204
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20208) - you deserved it (1392)

On 02/05/2016 at 9:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML

#21523193
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20094) - you deserved it (1950)

On 02/05/2016 at 8:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with the guy I like. He couldn't get it up and awkwardly tried to stick his limp penis in. FML

#21523192
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20576) - you deserved it (2299)

On 02/05/2016 at 8:33pm - intimacy - by myusofwe (woman) - Puerto Rico

Today, my fiancée woke up from a nightmare where I cheated on her. She has so far successfully gotten into my personal and work e-mails, and all my social media. I'm not sure if I'm worse at picking a wife or at picking passwords. FML

#21523145
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19606) - you deserved it (2594)

On 02/05/2016 at 5:55pm - misc - by Alex - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my cat shoved his claw up my nose and got it stuck there. FML

#21523143
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19195) - you deserved it (1736)

On 02/05/2016 at 5:51pm - animals - by ReiracsNeve - United States (Florida)

Today, I watched in horror from the other room as my boyfriend picked the biggest, slimiest booger I've ever seen, then lowered it into his mouth and licked his finger clean. I very nearly threw up. FML

#21523112
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19917) - you deserved it (2421)

On 02/05/2016 at 3:33pm - misc - by UUUGHHH (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I worked up the confidence to go to the mall alone for the first time since being confined to a wheelchair. It didn't even take 20 minutes before some teenager grabbed my wheelchair and tried to race me around, all while his friends watched and laughed. FML

#21523102
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26812) - you deserved it (1188)

On 02/05/2016 at 3:08pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)



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