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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I said I wouldn't find her attractive in 20 years. What I actually said was that I wouldn't sleep with her mother now, who happens to be 20 years older than her. FML

#21460448
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22285) - you deserved it (2713)

On 08/25/2015 at 7:55am - love - by Shelling Ford - Germany (Bayern)

Steve97's comment : What the hell even brought up that conversation?

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Today, I took a phone call in the bathroom, since the rest of the house was too noisy. I sat down on the toilet and waited while they put me on hold. After a while, I must have forgotten the lid was down and my pants were still on, because I started peeing myself. FML

#21460430
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18656) - you deserved it (7823)

On 08/25/2015 at 6:10am - misc - by Anon - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML

#21460410
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21182) - you deserved it (5361)

On 08/25/2015 at 3:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

myoukei's comment : Her: "I'll make you scream baby .... That was not what i intended"

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Today, while in line at the supermarket, I told the lady behind me that she had a cute baby. She shot me a disgusted look and straight up accused me of being a pedophile. FML

#21460397
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22440) - you deserved it (1476)

On 08/25/2015 at 2:49am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States

edraptor's comment : I hate people

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Today, after putting in 110% at my shitty job for two years straight, my boss told me point-blank I'm too good in my current position for him to ever be able to justify promoting me. FML

#21460378
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21082) - you deserved it (1370)

On 08/25/2015 at 1:51am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I awoke at two in the morning to my cat putting his most recent kill on my chest. When I jumped up screaming, the dead mouse went flying and now my husband and I can't find it. Better yet now both my husband and my cat are giving me the silent treatment. FML

#21460304
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20376) - you deserved it (2048)

On 08/24/2015 at 11:16pm - animals - by catlady - United States (New York)

Today, my dad took my phone away because I "had to be texting while driving in order to wreck my car." I was too ashamed to tell him that a huge bug flew into my face causing me to veer off the road and into a brick mailbox. FML

#21460295
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16865) - you deserved it (6603)

On 08/24/2015 at 10:56pm - misc - by Animeislyfe - United States (Georgia)

Today, I spent an hour trying to sleep before work, but I couldn't because my two dogs wouldn't stop barking. Completely pissed off, I finally went and told the little fuck nuggets to shut the shit up. I was then immediately knocked unconscious by the burglar in my house. FML

Today, my date came to pick me up for a date. As I was getting into his car, a large blister on my foot burst. My foot is now swimming in a pool of hot, liquid pus. FML

Today, I expressed my feelings to a guy I've liked for a long time. He basically turned me down because I have the same name as his mom, and dating me would be too weird. FML

#21460185
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20066) - you deserved it (1729)

On 08/24/2015 at 5:56pm - love - by wellthen - United States

Today, I got stuck in the elevator at work. When I was finally let out, my boss decided I shouldn't get a lunch break, because I'd already had over an hour off work while in the elevator. I had to starve through 5 more hours of work. FML

#21460168
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22610) - you deserved it (1445)

On 08/24/2015 at 5:28pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Italy (Liguria)

Today, I was flirting with a cute girl at a club. She seemed into me and said I was hot. I said thanks and grinned. I guess my grin looked psychopathic, because her expression turned to horror and she quickly excused herself. That was the only girl who's ever shown any interest in me. FML

#21460121
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20265) - you deserved it (2102)

On 08/24/2015 at 3:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was just a few days away from starting the training for my promotion to management, which involved a healthy pay raise and full time benefits. Today, news came down that the company is filing for bankruptcy. FML

#21460116
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22387) - you deserved it (1324)

On 08/24/2015 at 2:59pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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