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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was being shown how to use a nail gun while applying for a job at a construction company. The instructor shot me in the arm with it. I didn't even get the job. FML

#21107174
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40972) - you deserved it (2718)

On 04/07/2014 at 10:13pm - work - by watch_corn_dance - United States (Illinois)

ipman737's comment : Wow you got screwed

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Today, I borrowed my friend's car to go deliver a tent I sold online. His possessive girlfriend tailed me, not knowing I was driving. She then rear-ended me when I stopped, thinking I was her man, and was cheating. When she realized the situation, she accused me of hiding him. FML

brandoneyez1's comment : Your friends girlfriend is psyco. Sounds like some major jealousy issues.

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Today, my girlfriend threatened to break up with me because I don't like her Facebook statuses enough. FML

#21107057
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36530) - you deserved it (4315)

On 04/07/2014 at 7:39pm - love - by AlonsoKold - United States (Michigan)

glowbaby's comment : Set your relationship status to single.

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Today, I was given a call home, a 3-day-suspension, and a week of detention in school for a "serious violation of the code of conduct." Said violation? Jogging in the middle of the hall. FML

#21107042
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34220) - you deserved it (3669)

On 04/07/2014 at 7:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while playing basketball, my friend thanked me for passing the ball to him. I was too embarrassed to tell him that that was me shooting. FML

#21106910
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30588) - you deserved it (3915)

On 04/07/2014 at 4:54pm - misc - by DetergentFrog6 (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, in an attempt to potty train my step-son, my boyfriend and I put underwear on him, hoping that when he peed himself, he would realize using the potty is the way to go. Instead, he peed while sitting on the couch, got up, took off the underwear, and then switched seats. FML

#21106771
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33967) - you deserved it (10560)

On 04/07/2014 at 1:43pm - kids - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I noticed something written on the top of my toaster, so I used a finger to clear away some of the crumbs, burning my finger in the process. The writing? "CAUTION: Hot surface!" Thanks, toaster. FML

#21106752
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17770) - you deserved it (39889)

On 04/07/2014 at 1:02pm - health - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I really needed to be cheered up a bit after having had a horrible, depressing weekend. Luckily the guy I've been dating for some time, and who I really like, invited me over for dinner. Apparently, he wanted to see me so he could tell me he thinks we should stop seeing each other. FML

Today, after cleaning my house because I'd thrown a party all weekend while my parents were gone, I still got caught because somebody tried to make beer popsicles with Q-Tips in the ice trays in my freezer. FML

#21106348
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18764) - you deserved it (35622)

On 04/06/2014 at 11:03pm - misc - by trp007 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, at the café I work at, I was yelled at by a woman because the drinks and food she ordered were "taking too long". Before I had the chance to get a word in, she stormed out and said she would never come back. I didn't get the chance to inform her that she hadn't ordered yet. FML

#21106207
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39688) - you deserved it (2692)

On 04/06/2014 at 8:20pm - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, while on a first date, I had to excuse myself to the restroom. I was still tired from pulling an all-nighter, and fell asleep on the toilet. When I woke up and rushed back out, my date was gone. Everyone now thinks I'm an arsehole who pulled the old "window escape" trick on her. FML

#21106078
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37732) - you deserved it (10532)

On 04/06/2014 at 5:07pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I witnessed my psycho neighbor put her cat in a cage, cross into my backyard, and set the cage down before returning to her house. She then called the cops and claimed I'd stolen her cat. The cops didn't believe my side of the story for a second. FML

#21106030
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40932) - you deserved it (2553)

On 04/06/2014 at 3:37pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I found out that my three closest online friends are the same person: my obsessive ex. I met all three before he and I even started dating. FML

#21105963
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37040) - you deserved it (4798)

On 04/06/2014 at 2:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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