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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I had a dream about a giant spider crawling around in my mouth. I woke up to find that dreams sometimes do come true. FML

#21445902
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26823) - you deserved it (1641)

On 07/23/2015 at 9:05am - animals - by dirtbikeguy (man) - United States (Illinois)

LoverWordsFood's comment : Nope, Nope, Nope and No Fucking Way. Strong mouthwash and some kind of brush to scrub out the...feeling. *shudders*

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Today, I spent $70 on party supplies for my sister's bachelorette party, another hour decorating, three hours baking and designing a cake, before waiting five hours to hear that she and another bridesmaid had 'moved' the party elsewhere. Cake anyone? FML

#21445882
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27610) - you deserved it (1625)

On 07/23/2015 at 7:53am - misc - by Anon - United States (California)

MrConcise's comment : At least you didn't book a stripper, unless he counts as a "party supply".

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Today, I went out to inspect the backyard. There are now more than two dozen spiders hanging out and webs crossing from one side of the yard to the other. I have decided to surrender this territory. FML

#21445864
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22418) - you deserved it (2484)

On 07/23/2015 at 5:44am - animals - by Skoff (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

KeannaLove's comment : Well it looks like your only option is to burn it.

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Today, I am probably the only person in the world who can manage to pull a muscle in their neck while brushing their teeth. FML

#21445738
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21034) - you deserved it (2286)

On 07/22/2015 at 11:18pm - health - by skyllabeauty1234 - United States (California)

Today, while I was at home watching Netflix, my parents drunkenly stumbled through the door making out the whole time. I thought that the situation couldn't get worse, but then my Dad asked me if I had a condom they could use. FML

Today, whilst vacuuming, I stupidly decided to vacuum the bathroom drain to see what would happen. Turns out it will cause stinking septic water to get sucked into the machine and spew all over the walls, ceiling and vanity. It also causes the vacuum cleaner to stop working. FML

#21445713
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9391) - you deserved it (32947)

On 07/22/2015 at 10:32pm - misc - by sucked_in - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my mom told me that she heard me and my best friend in my room grunting and talking about how hard we were. She said she loved me and accepted me no matter what. Thanks mom, but we were working out. FML

#21445547
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23716) - you deserved it (4885)

On 07/22/2015 at 4:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, on the bus, my blood sugar level got too low and I passed out. When I came to, the woman next to me was hitting me, saying she needed to get off and that she didn't have time for my "stupid fucking prank". FML

#21445474
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27407) - you deserved it (1824)

On 07/22/2015 at 1:35pm - health - by qhorin halflung (woman) -

Today, I was taking a piss at a urinal when a fly started harassing me. I got so annoyed, I tried to swat it. Didn't go too well. I ended up losing control of my stream, soaking the guy beside me. He busted my face in. FML

#21445449
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15824) - you deserved it (23127)

On 07/22/2015 at 12:21pm - health - by Anonypiss (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while on my Dad's computer, I looked through the browser history to find the name of a website I'd visited on it the other day. I soon found out he watches a staggering amount of downright frightening incest porn. I'm disturbed on so many levels. FML

#21445392
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24989) - you deserved it (3100)

On 07/22/2015 at 7:52am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was reading a picture storybook to a kindergarten kid. She could pronounce more words than me, and corrected me. I'm about triple her age. FML

#21445328
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13896) - you deserved it (23384)

On 07/22/2015 at 2:32am - kids - by thebiteof87 - Australia (Victoria)

Today, a girl with a picture of One Direction as her desktop asked if I wanted to partner with her on a 70% law assignment. Two hours after saying no, I found out that she's a legal genius with a guaranteed job in the field and a near perfect GPA. FML

#21445322
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10557) - you deserved it (45515)

On 07/22/2015 at 2:18am - work - by Anonymous -

Today, a customer complained he never got his sandwich, even though I put it in the oven, dressed it up and served it to him. When I went to clear his table off, I saw the sandwich basket. We had to give him his money back. FML

#21445292
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23987) - you deserved it (1945)

On 07/22/2015 at 12:58am - kids - by okay - United States (Georgia)



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