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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my dad stopped me mid-sentence and said he wanted to punch me in the face and set me on fire for using the word "selfie". FML

#21243189
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21032) - you deserved it (36035)

On 08/22/2014 at 2:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Dave_Davington's comment : I want to buy your dad a drink.

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Today, I was so desperately lonely that I begged a telemarketer not to hang up on me. FML

#21243162
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35508) - you deserved it (5623)

On 08/22/2014 at 2:04pm - misc - by lonely loser (man) - United States (Washington)

mangasempai's comment : Should call Jake from Statefarm, he'll keep you company.

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Today, my boss chewed me out for correcting several spelling and grammar mistakes in one of his reports. The words "Think you're so damn smart, don't ya?" were uttered. I'm his secretary, and proofreading his shit is part of my job. FML

#21243125
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40316) - you deserved it (2649)

On 08/22/2014 at 12:56pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I stuck one of those "kick me" signs on my friend's back for fun, and someone took the invitation. Unfortunately, my friend whirled around and beat the shit out of him. I managed to sneak the sign off his back, but now I feel like a total asshole. FML

#21243070
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18378) - you deserved it (42422)

On 08/22/2014 at 10:35am - misc - by oops (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

OysterPearls's comment : You should feel like an asshole, are you in sixth grade? I didn't know then"kick me" gag was still existent.

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Today, I was excited to receive a rejection letter, because this was the first company to even acknowledge that I sent them a resume. FML

#21243040
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38556) - you deserved it (2710)

On 08/22/2014 at 9:14am - work - by Beeky (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, my boss slapped me across the face with a raw chicken breast. FML

#21243022
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38879) - you deserved it (4606)

On 08/22/2014 at 8:05am - work - by haileelouxxx (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my boyfriend sent me pictures of him and his family on their trip in Florida. He accidentally included a picture of a girl sleeping in his bed, naked. FML

#21242918
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46492) - you deserved it (3192)

On 08/22/2014 at 2:02am - love - by lolatmylife - United States

Today, my parents accused me of being secretive. I have no idea what they're talking about; all I do is work, go to school, sleep, and eat. Now I'm grounded until I tell them what's going on. I have crazy parents, that's what's going on. FML

#21242846
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40200) - you deserved it (2495)

On 08/22/2014 at 12:09am - misc - by up to no-good... - United States (New Mexico)

Today, my boss decided our 4 year relationship was unethical, so she broke up with me, then terminated my employment. FML

#21242835
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38336) - you deserved it (5322)

On 08/21/2014 at 11:53pm - love - by flyakite - United States

Today, I tasted a perfectly salted, crispy, and dead carpenter ant hidden in my bag of pistachios. FML

#21242612
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31625) - you deserved it (2978)

On 08/21/2014 at 5:48pm - misc - by ReluctantAntEater (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to lose our virginity. When he saw blood, he panicked and started crying, convinced that he was bleeding out. FML

#21242605
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41365) - you deserved it (4924)

On 08/21/2014 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Portugal (Lisboa)

Today, my boss threatened to write me up, after I made a slightly rude joke about a coworker everyone hates. A while later, a colleague told me the same joke. Turns out my boss had gone around telling it to everyone else and taking all the credit. FML

#21242576
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36040) - you deserved it (4639)

On 08/21/2014 at 4:16pm - work - by jalisc512 (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my thieving, layabout stepmom planted weed in my bedroom and showed my dad. Well, maybe I'm jumping to conclusions here, but her smirk and telling me later that I shouldn't fuck with her again seems conclusive to me. Goodbye freedom. FML

#21242552
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38916) - you deserved it (2507)

On 08/21/2014 at 3:30pm - misc - by stepshart - Canada (Ontario)



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