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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, while bringing boxes up from the basement, I noticed a few spider egg sacs had stuck to my shirt. As I desperately tried to remove them, they hatched. FML

#21298452
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39248) - you deserved it (2978)

On 11/13/2014 at 5:20pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

devildog562's comment : Arachnophobia. That truly sucks op. Time to get the flamethrowers and poison grenades.

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Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 5 years. She bitched me out for not getting the ring she had been "hinting" me to get, and angrily left. FML

#21298350
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34169) - you deserved it (4094)

On 11/13/2014 at 1:50pm - love - by Anonymous - South Africa (Western Cape)

thekryken's comment : Wow. Maybe she should take the 'hint' that you love her and not freak out about a ring.

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Today, my teacher "busted" me for writing down answers on my arm for a test. The so called "answers" was just a duck my little nephew had drawn on my hand the night before. She's actually trying to get me suspended over it. FML

#21298328
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33584) - you deserved it (2051)

On 11/13/2014 at 1:17pm - misc - by really - Canada (Alberta)

isabellasimone's comment : I'm sorry, OP. I hate when teachers pick on students unnecessarily. Just go to the principal and defend yourself. Good luck!

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Today, I was speeding home, bursting to take a crap. I pulled into my driveway and made it inside, before my wife told me the plumber was still working on our pipes. I ended up having to take a crap in my own backyard, behind a tree. FML

#21298320
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30504) - you deserved it (2806)

On 11/13/2014 at 1:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my dad finally added me on Facebook, When I looked through his photos, I quickly noticed he'd heavily photoshopped the photos I'm in to make me look prettier. FML

#21298300
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29441) - you deserved it (2570)

On 11/13/2014 at 11:44am - misc - by FuglyBetty (woman) - Norway (Aust-Agder)

Today, one of the patients on the mental health unit where I work looked me up and down and said; "Well, I guess it's a popular misconception that all fat people are jolly." FML

#21298006
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28400) - you deserved it (3942)

On 11/12/2014 at 9:48pm - work - by thefatnurse - United States (Georgia)

Today, as my kitten was sleeping on my lap, my boyfriend crept up on us and yelled, "BOO!" to make me jump. I wasn't scared, but the cat was. He tensed up and jumped to the floor. He also apparently had the runny shits, spraying me and the couch on his way down. FML

#21298148
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33295) - you deserved it (2802) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 11/12/2014 at 5:50pm - animals - by nenette - France

Today, my boyfriend threatened to break up with me if I don't satisfy his "needs." By "needs", he means me wearing a diaper during foreplay. FML

#21297687
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38628) - you deserved it (4169)

On 11/12/2014 at 12:55pm - intimacy - by honey, no boo-boo (woman) - United States

Today, someone commented on my mother's memorial page on my blog. It said "u need too get over it bitch" and "ur mum was a wh0re". I looked up the IP address and found the comment was posted from my own wifi. The only other person who lives in my house is my girlfriend. FML

#21297662
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40644) - you deserved it (3142)

On 11/12/2014 at 12:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Redcar and Cleveland)

Today, at the gym, some muscle head idiot started yelling at the treadmill for not going fast enough, and I muttered "roid rage". Apparently said roids give him superhuman hearing, because he heard me from the other side of the room, and threatened to kill me. FML

#21297627
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28470) - you deserved it (8209)

On 11/12/2014 at 11:00am - health - by juggalomurderer59 (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend bought us plane tickets to Mexico for our "Honeymoon". This would be nice if he had proposed and if we'd been dating for longer than 2 weeks. FML

#21297437
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32797) - you deserved it (2955)

On 11/12/2014 at 12:21am - love - by anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, like any other day since that stupid movie Frozen came out, people have been asking me if I want to build a snowman, like they're the funniest people on the planet. My name is Elsa. FML

#21297408
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41787) - you deserved it (3781)

On 11/11/2014 at 11:34pm - work - by elsatheannoyed (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend of four years broke up with me over some rumors he heard about me. These rumors are from high-school, seven years ago. FML

#21297338
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33055) - you deserved it (2912)

On 11/11/2014 at 10:31pm - love - by ugh - United States (Tennessee)



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