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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I realized I could make more money being on welfare than I can at my current job. FML

BntyHntrSeattle's comment : At least you have a job. A lot of people can't say that.

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Today, I found out that while my sister can somehow manage to keep an eye on and control her three preschool-aged children at the park, making sure nobody steals my dog from right beside her is just too big of a job. FML

#21462507
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20563) - you deserved it (2827)

On 08/30/2015 at 9:29am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

gosh_mate's comment : That's so sad for the dog, but I would struggle to look after all that at once....

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Today, I met my fiancé's much older sister for the first time. Turns out she is actually my old high school English teacher who used to make me cry at least 3 times a week. It's been three hours and I've accidentally called her Miss Willow 4 times and been reduced to tears twice. FML

#21462491
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26370) - you deserved it (2825)

On 08/30/2015 at 8:13am - misc - by Alice (woman) - United States (Utah)

Pizzapiggy1's comment : What kind of things would she do to you to make you cry 3 times a week!?

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Today, I was hit by acute food poisoning while attending a colleague's birthday party at his home. The toilet had a door that wouldn't close all the way, there were only three sheets of toilet paper left, and I had to walk home through town, in a dress, with my soiled underwear in a plastic bag. FML

#21462484
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21138) - you deserved it (1489)

On 08/30/2015 at 7:29am - health - by monkeywrench (woman) - Sweden

Today, at work, one of the elderly residents dropped a turd on the floor. I went to go get the nurse but couldn't find her. Upon returning to the scene, another resident picked it up and placed it in my hand, thinking it was mud. Now my nickname at work is 'Nugget'. FML

#21462428
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19834) - you deserved it (1559)

On 08/30/2015 at 2:20am - work - by anon - United States (Illinois)

Today, my family was cleaning out our basement when I noticed an empty wall. I asked my grandma if I could put a picture up. She replied, "I don't want your ugly drawings on the wall". I wasn't talking about my drawings. FML

#21462394
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18767) - you deserved it (1459)

On 08/30/2015 at 12:49am - misc - by Failed Artist - United States (Iowa)

Today, my mom saw a picture of the moon and asked me what "those big spots" were. She actually thought the craters were continents and tried correcting me when I told her what they were. Then I almost got into trouble for being disrespectful. FML

#21462353
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19088) - you deserved it (1239)

On 08/29/2015 at 11:02pm - misc - by bornfromhillbillies (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found dog poop in my room that had probably been there for days. My girlfriend, who was watching the house, said she didn't realize it was there, because she thought it was the smell of her own farts. FML

#21462289
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19947) - you deserved it (1806)

On 08/29/2015 at 8:06pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML

#21462259
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24162) - you deserved it (2022)

On 08/29/2015 at 7:01pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (West Virginia)

Today, marks the third girlfriend in a row that has broken up with me for my terrible dandruff. I can't control it as I was born with psoriasis. All three girls called me pathetic for "making up" a disease to try to get them to stay. FML

#21462179
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22217) - you deserved it (1571)

On 08/29/2015 at 3:20pm - love - by babypenguin00 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was outside talking to my new neighbor. I was gesturing while talking and didn't notice the little kid riding her bike coming our way. I ended up accidentally smacking her in the face and knocking her off her bike. Apparently she's my new neighbor's daughter. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML

#21462173
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18969) - you deserved it (1911)

On 08/29/2015 at 3:10pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was scheduled to fill in at the customer service counter where I work. Today was also the day that I allegedly accused a customer of being a thief, sold her a fraudulent money order, and will be sued for defamation of character. FML

#21462126
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17180) - you deserved it (1461)

On 08/29/2015 at 1:13pm - work - by thegrandchawhee - United States (Washington)

Today, I blacked out while hugging my dad. I woke up a minute later on the floor with my dad telling me to, "quit being lazy and get up." FML

#21462123
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17194) - you deserved it (1264)

On 08/29/2015 at 1:08pm - health - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)



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