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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I ran into a good friend at work. I work at a jail. She doesn't. FML

#21211411
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48285) - you deserved it (4112)

On 07/16/2014 at 11:51pm - misc - by Is that..? - United States (Colorado)

A07's comment : Atleast now you'll have a good friend at work.

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Today, I went to a market. I saw stall which had mainly animal furs and things like that. I found a rounded, furry pen and stroked my cheek with it. Wondering what it was, being so soft and oddly shaped, I checked the tag. It was kangaroo testicles. FML

#21211381
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34446) - you deserved it (16813)

On 07/16/2014 at 11:31pm - misc - by happypineapple - Australia (Queensland)

ItsAUnicorn's comment : Tea bag!

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Today, I was waiting in a line, texting on my phone. I hear what sounded like a sneeze and said, "Bless you" to the man in front of me. He gave me a dirty look as I began to smell something awful. It wasn't a sneeze. FML

#21211315
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37665) - you deserved it (3982)

On 07/16/2014 at 10:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

JennaNGood's comment : Who the hell gets angry when you say bless you, even if it was for the wrong bodily function?!

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Today, while working as a barista, a customer yelled about her muffins and butter not being ready since she only had a "short time to eat". There were 7 tip giving customers ahead of her, but I rushed her order. She gave no tip and stayed for over an hour. FML

#21211312
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36707) - you deserved it (4426)

On 07/16/2014 at 10:46pm - work - by anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I came home early, only to hear a mad scramble in the living room. I found my now ex-girlfriend and best friend in there, sweaty and in their underwear. The idiot actually had the balls to claim he was teaching her how to do push-ups. FML

#21210956
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50906) - you deserved it (3765)

On 07/16/2014 at 4:09pm - love - by betrayed (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I babysat a 9-year-old kid for the first time. The moment his parents left the house, the little shit looked me dead in the eyes and let me know that if I didn't let him do whatever he wanted, he'd tell his parents that I touched him in his "no-no place". Suddenly I hate kids. FML

#21210892
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47123) - you deserved it (3290)

On 07/16/2014 at 2:56pm - kids - by fuck you, kid (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I woke up to my dog jumping on my bed and licking me all over. It would've been fine, if I hadn't woken the first time a few minutes earlier to the sight of him going to town on his balls. FML

#21210701
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32215) - you deserved it (4355)

On 07/16/2014 at 11:44am - animals - by ballbreath (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while out grocery shopping with my mother, she asked me to hold a large bag of rice for her. Ten minutes later, I realized I'd been absent-mindedly stroking it the whole time, just like when I pick up my cat. FML

Today, I went to fill out my time sheet. Someone had edited it, and now it suddenly ends August 22nd. I think I'm getting fired. FML

Today, I returned to my teaching job at a local community college after surfing for the weekend. I'd got sunburned, one student immediately noticed and said to me, "Morning, Mr. Pinky!" Now they all do it. My students are assholes. I hate teaching. FML

#21209954
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37628) - you deserved it (7220)

On 07/15/2014 at 6:04pm - work - by mister_pinky (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I taught my 23-year-old boyfriend how to correctly brush his teeth. FML

#21209921
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37007) - you deserved it (5653)

On 07/15/2014 at 5:24pm - health - by stinky breath - United States (California)

Today, I went out to lunch with my girlfriend. I asked if she was going to finish her meal, hoping to steal a bite or two. She somehow took this as me calling her fat, threw her drink at me, and stormed off. I just wanted some steak. FML

#21209874
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44621) - you deserved it (9689)

On 07/15/2014 at 4:37pm - love - by Jeff - United States

Today, my mom and dad played rock, paper, scissors over who gets to spend the night with me in the hospital tonight while I have surgery. FML

#21209860
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43651) - you deserved it (3629)

On 07/15/2014 at 4:11pm - health - by smh (woman) - United States



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