Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, my supervisor forced me to bring the image of a failed simulation to the group meeting, because he thought it looked funny. So did the others and it's now going on our webpage. I have to provide a scientific description of how I made a mistake in my code. FML

#21393415
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22950) - you deserved it (2323)

On 04/14/2015 at 7:50am - work - by OptMouse (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I went to feed my neighbors' chickens while they were on vacation. I noticed the TV on inside, so I peeked in to see if the place was being messed with. Guess who found the neighbor home early, fully naked, and jerking off. FML

#21393386
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28192) - you deserved it (3011)

On 04/14/2015 at 4:33am - intimacy - by Lebac - United States (Washington)

Baustigt's comment : So he was choking the chicken, huh?

See all the comments →

Today, my husband of 3 weeks told me he doesn't want to be married anymore because I suggested getting a joint bank account. FML

#21393373
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26555) - you deserved it (3717)

On 04/14/2015 at 3:21am - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

ADBurns's comment : I bet you didn't 'bank' on that when you said "I Do"...

See all the comments →

Today, I thought my dad was finally showing interest in the business I started last year when he asked about my next event. Nope, he just wanted to know if I would hire his step-granddaughter. Her first question: "So, I won't have to do any like, real work right?" Gee, thanks Dad. FML

#21393221
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25076) - you deserved it (1868)

On 04/13/2015 at 9:50pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

anonymous_365's comment : Pay her in Monopoly money. If she doesn't do any "real" work," she won't get any "real money."

See all the comments →

Today, I learned that my girlfriend is not a screamer nor a moaner, she's a biter. My arm is getting stitches right now. FML

#21393183
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26439) - you deserved it (2733)

On 04/13/2015 at 8:51pm - intimacy - by anon - United States

Today, my girlfriend started bitching me out about how public proposals are unfair and how they pressure a girl to say yes. All I did was get on my knee to tie a loose shoelace. FML

#21392927
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31931) - you deserved it (2572)

On 04/13/2015 at 12:38pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I finally heard a woman tell me "I've never seen one so big before!" Too bad it was my dentist talking about one of my cavities. FML

#21392914
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26328) - you deserved it (4965)

On 04/13/2015 at 11:40am - health - by gottaflossmoreoften (man) - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, my son invited me to his first standup comedy gig. I accepted, only to later suffer through an hour of the worst jokes I've heard in my entire life. It was so bad, he made Dane Cook look like a comic genius, and I had to resist heckling him. Hours later, I still feel vaguely suicidal. FML

#21392908
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25323) - you deserved it (4989)

On 04/13/2015 at 11:23am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I heard my 2-year-old sister crying, so I left my room to comfort her. She looked at me, held my hand, escorted me back to my room and closed the door. FML

#21392817
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28788) - you deserved it (2572)

On 04/13/2015 at 6:46am - kids - by transcendingnerd (man) - Philippines (Manila)

Today, I went on a date with a cute guy I met at a bookstore. He stood up and said he was leaving when I said that I didn't like 50 Shades of Grey, because he, "doesn't want to be near a bitch who doesn't know her place". He then told me to give him a ride home. FML

#21392816
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32298) - you deserved it (2786)

On 04/13/2015 at 6:43am - love - by whymanwhy (woman) - Czech Republic

Today, I ran into the woman who hit my car and drove off three days ago. She was my bank teller. I called 911; she pressed the silent alarm. Guess whose story the cops believed. FML

#21392789
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33644) - you deserved it (2319)

On 04/13/2015 at 5:00am - misc - by yupthissucks - United States (Georgia)

Today, my husband and I caught our 12-year-old son "experimenting" with a 5-foot tall stuffed Mickey Mouse. He even made sure to rip Mickey's pants off. FML

#21392745
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27386) - you deserved it (2980)

On 04/13/2015 at 1:35am - intimacy - by bigmouthedmommy - United States (California)

Today, I filled out an online application for a internship. I didn't have all the info I need to complete it, but it wouldn't let me leave anything blank so to move along I filled in crap answers. I pressed "Save". It sent my draft in. I now have to explain that "Jesus" isn't actually my reference. FML

#21392735
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15814) - you deserved it (20850)

On 04/13/2015 at 1:20am - work - by unprofessional - United States (Oregon)



FML's blog

  • Elaillce's illustrated FML
  • So, did you catch the game this week? You know, the one with the ball, the scoring and all that stuff. Isn't that how you're supposed to talk to people? OK, I know nothing about sports and teams, but I…

Friday 17 April 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: