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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my now ex-boyfriend accused me of wanting to screw his 11-year-old brother, all because I expressed interest in going to his birthday party. FML

#21523204
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19822) - you deserved it (1389)

On 02/05/2016 at 9:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

BlueBaronBitch's comment : He seems a little insecure.. just a little..

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Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML

#21523193
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19741) - you deserved it (1929)

On 02/05/2016 at 8:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

reachaxe's comment : Next time cut them after a warm bath!

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Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with the guy I like. He couldn't get it up and awkwardly tried to stick his limp penis in. FML

#21523192
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20168) - you deserved it (2292)

On 02/05/2016 at 8:33pm - intimacy - by myusofwe (woman) - Puerto Rico

askullnamedbilly's comment : You gotta love the enthusiasm of guys when it comes to sex though. "I know my penis feels a lot like a wet noodle right now and you think I'm not even aroused, but don't despair yet! I know I can get that thing to work, dammit!"

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Today, my fiancée woke up from a nightmare where I cheated on her. She has so far successfully gotten into my personal and work e-mails, and all my social media. I'm not sure if I'm worse at picking a wife or at picking passwords. FML

#21523145
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19366) - you deserved it (2588)

On 02/05/2016 at 5:55pm - misc - by Alex - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my cat shoved his claw up my nose and got it stuck there. FML

#21523143
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18913) - you deserved it (1730)

On 02/05/2016 at 5:51pm - animals - by ReiracsNeve - United States (Florida)

Today, I watched in horror from the other room as my boyfriend picked the biggest, slimiest booger I've ever seen, then lowered it into his mouth and licked his finger clean. I very nearly threw up. FML

#21523112
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19626) - you deserved it (2421)

On 02/05/2016 at 3:33pm - misc - by UUUGHHH (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I worked up the confidence to go to the mall alone for the first time since being confined to a wheelchair. It didn't even take 20 minutes before some teenager grabbed my wheelchair and tried to race me around, all while his friends watched and laughed. FML

#21523102
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26343) - you deserved it (1182)

On 02/05/2016 at 3:08pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, as I walked around town I noticed some guys and even a couple of girls checked me out. When I got home later I realized they probably weren't checking me out, so much as wondering why the hell I had thick black eyeliner on only one eye. Oops. FML

#21523085
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16511) - you deserved it (4546)

On 02/05/2016 at 2:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, while at work at a small Microsoft partner company, I had to write an email explaining why Internet Explorer is superior to Google Chrome. FML

#21523050
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22942) - you deserved it (2250)

On 02/05/2016 at 11:36am - work - by Coccinelle - France

Today, my dogs somehow pulled the water spigot off the wall in my backyard. I now have my own private lake. FML

#21523045
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17649) - you deserved it (1514)

On 02/05/2016 at 11:07am - misc - by Hreid254 - United States (Texas)

Today, as my brother parked in our hotel's parking lot, I told him to be careful because the car wasn't straight. He retorted, "Yeah, just like you". My mother was in the back seat and heard everything. I hadn't come out yet. FML

#21523010
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19997) - you deserved it (2637)

On 02/05/2016 at 7:37am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, in the current company I'm employed by, I have a better chance at gambling my way to the top, as opposed to working my way up. FML

#21523006
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17043) - you deserved it (1589)

On 02/05/2016 at 7:04am - money - by ferret702 - United States (Nevada)

Today, we had my grandmother with dementia round for tea. She looked me up and down and said, very matter-of-factly, "Well, with a figure like that, no one will rape you." FML

#21522996
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19132) - you deserved it (1764)

On 02/05/2016 at 5:27am - intimacy - by Sgt_Jackrum (woman) - United Kingdom (Sandwell)



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