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Today, I was trying to fix a broken desk fan. I'd taken the guard off and was trying to unscrew the blades, when my roommate decided it'd be funny to plug it in. The blades sliced into my thumb. I need stitches, and he still thinks it's hilarious. FML

#21245038
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36416) - you deserved it (3582)

On 08/25/2014 at 12:17pm - health - by sharkgirl4 - United States (California)

dudeman1212's comment : Guess he's not a fan of you

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Today, it's been almost a week since I returned from my vacation to Ireland. Before I rarely drank. Now I'm pretty sure I'm an alcoholic. You might think I'm joking, but I've woken up hungover every day since I landed there. I basically paid to kill my liver and become AA's next poster child. FML

#21245034
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25850) - you deserved it (14287)

On 08/25/2014 at 12:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

HowieDoIt's comment : So you're saying rather than take responsibility for your choices, you're blaming a stereotype to justify your problem?

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Today, I was playing Mario Kart with my wife. I threw a blue shell and it hit her. She then refused to speak to me for three hours straight until right before bedtime when she called me a bastard and told me to sleep on the couch. FML

#21244858
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40200) - you deserved it (6996)

On 08/25/2014 at 1:44am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

uniformed's comment : Talk about a sore loser

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Today, I found out that the reason my boyfriend hasn't texted me recently is that he'd forgotten he was dating anyone. FML

#21244761
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37916) - you deserved it (4496)

On 08/24/2014 at 11:27pm - love - by angry girlfriend - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was sitting in a boring lecture. Out of bordom, I made a fish-faces with my mouth. Somehow, I made the most realistic fart noise I've ever heard in the process. The whole room stared at me. FML

Today, I found my cat downstairs with a squirrel dangling from his mouth. When I saw this, I yelled at my cat to put it down. He did. Turns out the squirrel was still alive and run. I had to spend the next three hours chasing it out of my house. FML

#21244619
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29160) - you deserved it (5270)

On 08/24/2014 at 8:08pm - animals - by notmyrealname123 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my sister felt guilty and told me about the changes she secretly made to my résumé months ago. She'd put "doing your mom" and "corporate espionage" as my hobbies, and "Justin Bieber's pussy waxer" as a previous job. No wonder I'm still unemployed. FML

#21244565
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37637) - you deserved it (7042)

On 08/24/2014 at 5:50pm - work - by fuck you, tasha (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I overheard my dad say "Last time I didn't use a condom, I ended up with Steven, so for god's sake use 'em." I'm Steven. FML

#21244545
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35523) - you deserved it (2784)

On 08/24/2014 at 5:19pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I witnessed my karate instructor whimper and practically piss himself as a guy walked up to him in the street and demanded his wallet. What a total waste of hundreds of dollars' worth of lessons. FML

#21244527
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31561) - you deserved it (3573)

On 08/24/2014 at 4:45pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I landed my first job as a security officer. Only after I signed all the paperwork did I find out that the area I'll be working is apparently a hotspot for violent shootings. I'm screwed. FML

#21244497
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34838) - you deserved it (5233)

On 08/24/2014 at 4:03pm - work - by fucked - United States (California)

Today, I had to flush someone else's shit in the public washroom at work. It was so vile, I didn't want to get anywhere near it, so flushed it with my foot, only for it to slip off the handle and into the toilet. FML

#21244424
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34721) - you deserved it (11893)

On 08/24/2014 at 1:31pm - work - by Alisterine - United States (Missouri)

Today, the police knocked on my door, saying that they needed to investigate my house for animal abuse. Apparently the neighbours called, reporting a "screeching bird in pain". I have no bird, but I have been singing quite loudly recently. FML

#21244302
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35807) - you deserved it (4923)

On 08/24/2014 at 8:40am - animals - by abusedparrot - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my girlfriend sent me a bunch of sexy pics and said to come over to her place. I thought she was in the mood for sex. Nope, she just wanted me to come over and hang a shelf, after which she sent me back home. FML

#21244207
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36897) - you deserved it (5628)

On 08/24/2014 at 1:51am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)



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