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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was sitting next to an attractive man. Much to my surprise, he started stroking his foot against mine. I was happy at the flirting because I've been attracted to him forever, so I played along. That's when he stood up and explained he was trying to stretch out a cramp. FML

#20664979
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35442) - you deserved it (6587)

On 05/15/2013 at 12:54pm - intimacy - by Redfaced (woman) - United Kingdom (Walsall)

Today, I posted a Facebook status about how I hoped to spend the rest of my life with my boyfriend. A couple of hours later, I saw a comment on it saying he'd never done anything bad enough to deserve that kind of torment. Thanks, mom. FML

#20664946
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31704) - you deserved it (6465)

On 05/15/2013 at 12:12pm - love - by lackadaisy_leah - United States

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my ex-boyfriend called my parents to let them know I broke up with him. He was sobbing. FML

#20664891
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32659) - you deserved it (7401)

On 05/15/2013 at 11:16am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I saw a coin on the ground. As I bent over to pick it up, some dude came up from behind, grabbed my waist and humped me three times. He ran away before I could get a good look at his face. FML

#20664572
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40976) - you deserved it (7153)

On 05/15/2013 at 4:08am - misc - by asdffhhjk (man) - Philippines (Manila)

↑ Peanut's comment : So money AND sex. What's the problem?

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Today, I was wearing a black shirt, black pants, and a black beanie at a grocery store. I came around a corner, bumped into a woman and she screamed, "Murderer." I was immediately thrown out. FML

#20664547
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35472) - you deserved it (7924)

On 05/15/2013 at 3:20am - misc - by notarobber (man) - United States (California)

↑ PlayTheGame24's comment : Because those clothes define you as a murderer.... Stupid judgmental people these days

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Today, in the doctor's waiting room, a little boy asked me for a cookie. I told him that I didn't have any. He replied, "But my mom says that ladies with big butts always have cookies in their handbags." FML

#20664621
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35759) - you deserved it (4589) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/15/2013 at 2:58am - misc - by grossesfesses (woman) - France (Picardie)

↑ BntyHntrSeattle's comment : Then you say, "And that's why I don't have cookies" and then sassily switch seats.

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Today, my boyfriend yelled at me. Apparently I'm not the "classy girl" he thought I was, and he's not comfortable "doing such vile things in public." I had tried to hold his hand. FML

#20664518
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39551) - you deserved it (2941)

On 05/15/2013 at 2:43am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, as usual, my mom got shitfaced and started berating me for something. This time, it was for missing a therapy appointment. Not only am I unable to drive, it was her appointment. For her alcoholism. FML

#20664501
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34602) - you deserved it (1838)

On 05/15/2013 at 2:21am - health - by the only sober one (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my new neighbor moved in. Because she was fairly young, I offered to mow her grass whenever it needed cut. Her dad then tried to start a fight with me because he thought it was sexual come-on. FML

#20663640
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30950) - you deserved it (5224)

On 05/14/2013 at 7:52pm - misc - by Brenden - United States (Ohio)

Today, I woke up without my fiancé in bed next to me, but I assumed he'd gone to work early. I went on Facebook to find that he had posted a break-up post to himself from my account and set my status to single. I then found a note with "Sorry" written on it stuck to the kitchen counter. FML

#20663501
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41467) - you deserved it (2393)

On 05/14/2013 at 6:41pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, my 55 year-old mother faked a pregnancy because she was jealous of all the attention I've been getting since I had my twin boys. FML

#20663345
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36848) - you deserved it (2012)

On 05/14/2013 at 5:35pm - misc - by for the love of god (woman) - United States

Today, I went into the men's restroom and started peeing in a urinal next to a middle-age man. As he zipped up and walked away, he said to me, "Don't worry, it'll grow." FML

#20663182
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34002) - you deserved it (3159)

On 05/14/2013 at 4:09pm - health - by DrewK (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML

#20663152
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34043) - you deserved it (3718)

On 05/14/2013 at 3:52pm - love - by wellokaythen (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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