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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, in bare consciousness, I found out what it feels like to be stabbed in the hand with an earring. How? By slamming my hand on the snooze button of my alarm and missing horribly. FML

#21411522
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22868) - you deserved it (5527)

On 05/17/2015 at 3:32pm - misc - by norpedo (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was finishing my chest workout at the gym when this really cute girl started using the machine next to me. To impress her, I tried lifting a lot of weight on the barbell. It ended up landing on my neck and she had to help me get it off. FML

#21411484
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12435) - you deserved it (27801)

On 05/17/2015 at 1:53pm - health - by Idle_Twin - United States (Florida)

Dr_Lily's comment : Guys... Seriously, STOP trying to impress girls that way ("look at how I am strooooong!!!"), you always end up on FML with the shame.

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Today, I woke up to "we're leaving". I'm now homeless because my Dad and his girlfriend got into an argument over toilet paper. FML

#21411475
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25818) - you deserved it (1731)

On 05/17/2015 at 1:47pm - love - by hobo - Canada (British Columbia)

steveykinz0967's comment : Wow their relationship is really in the toilet.

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Today, I found out the reason my co-workers have been giving me gum every day is not because of their generosity, but because everyone in the office thinks my breath smells. FML

#21411436
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20970) - you deserved it (9363)

On 05/17/2015 at 12:13pm - work - by smellynelly (woman) - United States (New York)

carissaball's comment : At least they tried hinting it to you nicely :)

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Today, I took my family to Disneyland. My husband had more fun than my five year old daughter. He was hitting on the princesses. FML

#21411433
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26700) - you deserved it (2557)

On 05/17/2015 at 12:08pm - love - by creepedoutmom (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to impress my friends by doing a flip on the trampoline. What did impress them, was my lack of tears after I hit the edge of the trampoline and broke my nose. FML

#21411404
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22386) - you deserved it (5970)

On 05/17/2015 at 10:05am - health - by no more flips - United States (Ohio)

Today, I bought an expensive video game and decided to show it off and post a photo of it on Instagram. When I got home to play it, it rejected my activation key. I then realised it was showing in the Instagram post. FML

#21411390
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11289) - you deserved it (39488)

On 05/17/2015 at 9:09am - misc - by PISSED OFF - Australia

Today, after getting my dream job and quitting old one, I was told my position is strictly "experimental" and will only last 2 months. FML

#21411308
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27923) - you deserved it (3062)

On 05/17/2015 at 2:31am - work - by fuckkkkk - United States (California)

Today, my husband missed the toilet again. I would have been less disgusted if he'd peed this time. FML

#21411283
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27746) - you deserved it (2241)

On 05/17/2015 at 1:10am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to a domestic violence counseling group. I was the only male there, and I explained that my girlfriend punches me in the face in front of my kids. Everyone started laughing. FML

Today, a couple asked me donate my eggs so they could start a family. When I refused, I was called heartless by my ex-husband and the woman he cheated on me with for over two years. FML

#21410986
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33729) - you deserved it (2016)

On 05/16/2015 at 1:46pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Southampton)

Today, not thinking and being pissed off, I threw my phone in the car, making a decent sized crack in the windshield. FML

Today, I had the most excitement I have felt in the last two months when I went to a drugstore and they had my favourite bandaids. FML

#21410948
68 comments


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Friday 22 May 2015

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