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Today, I found out where my sister's pet lizard escaped to. I also found out that the little shit likes to hide in dark, cold places. I discovered this when I heard the bastard squeal as I started the lawnmower. FML

#21435132
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19550) - you deserved it (1684)

On 07/01/2015 at 11:10pm - animals - by Alex Andreas - United States (Oklahoma)

DeltaDragonxx's comment : At least he won't try to sell you car insurance anymorel

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Today, I sent the girl I like flowers, only to have her later post a picture of them online, saying, "ha when losers send you flowers". FML

#21435086
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24279) - you deserved it (1747)

On 07/01/2015 at 10:04pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Ben12345's comment : What a bitch

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Today, my mother-in-law started chasing my kids around her house to make them smell her freshly-washed underwear. They were thongs. FML

#21435026
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19454) - you deserved it (1249)

On 07/01/2015 at 7:38pm - misc - by bleachingmykidsbrains - Canada (Quebec)

Reider022's comment : Fuck your spouses life.. The things they must have had to put up with growing up.

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Today, my flight was at the other side of the airport. I ran to the gate, to find that the flight had moved to the other side of the airport. So I ran again to miss my plane by a minute. However I did get a new flight... at the other end of the airport. FML

#21434898
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20678) - you deserved it (1416)

On 07/01/2015 at 3:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my dad texted me, saying "My dicks so hard 4 u". I'm desperately hoping he meant to send that to his girlfriend instead. FML

#21434895
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24625) - you deserved it (1608)

On 07/01/2015 at 2:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, our family dog died. A couple of hours after the death, my mother-in-law slapped my crying five year old son over the head and told him to "Man up." She totally refuses to admit she did anything wrong. FML

Today, I spent nearly half an hour looking for my favourite pair of shoes. I ended up getting so pissed off that I accused my boyfriend of stealing them. He then pointed out that I was wearing them. FML

#21434871
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10921) - you deserved it (26632)

On 07/01/2015 at 1:54pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne)

Today, we had a long meeting at work about how we are supposed to feel safe, and to come to the managers if we have any problems. I decided to speak up about a coworker that has been harassing me and several others. My manager laughed at me and walked away. FML

Today, the only reason my husband agreed to marriage counselling is because he finds our therapist attractive. FML

#21434782
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23966) - you deserved it (2083)

On 07/01/2015 at 9:35am - love - by ouch - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after working alone in a room all day, I let a fart sneak out. Just then, my drop dead gorgeous boss and two new girls walked in. I could literally see them hit the stench and cringe. FML

#21434600
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23119) - you deserved it (3930)

On 06/30/2015 at 10:40pm - work - by stink - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I learned I don't have a yeast infection. I have herpes. FML

#21434596
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23324) - you deserved it (6865)

On 06/30/2015 at 10:21pm - health - by quiet_screaming_ - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, a dog bit me on the bus. Instead of apologising, its owner said it was my fault because my hands "must smell of meat". I'm a vegetarian. FML

Today, I went on a Segway tour in Budapest. The Segways have an automatic speed limiter, and to release it and get back to normal speed, you have to brake. Unfortunately, I forgot my speed limiter was on and so, while trying to break, I instead returned to normal speed and crashed into a tree. FML

#21434457
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18281) - you deserved it (3818)

On 06/30/2015 at 4:31pm - misc - by infrontofninepeople - Hungary (Budapest)



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