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Today, my college did a fire drill, and instructions were given by intercom in English and Spanish. The guy beside me mused: "If they say it in English and Mexican, why not say it in Black too?" That guy is my idiot brother, and he was dead serious. Sometimes I think our parents are related. FML

#21257016
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31078) - you deserved it (2523)

On 09/12/2014 at 4:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

RageWolf16's comment : Sometimes I wonder how people get into college. I'm so sorry OP, your brother sounds like a moron.

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Today, my car was stolen from my driveway. I reported it to the police, the insurance company, and my neighbors, and begged for help via social media. As I walked to catch a bus, I saw my car parked outside my school. I forgot I left it there last night. FML

#21256874
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17895) - you deserved it (36357)

On 09/12/2014 at 10:32am - misc - by uppiskalle - United States (Rhode Island)

patd77's comment : Dumbass

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Today, I had to take my husband's laptop to University for an in-class exam. I opened the screen, and loud porn started to auto-play. The silence in the class was deafening as I tried to make it stop. FML

#21256842
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36532) - you deserved it (4781)

On 09/12/2014 at 9:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Llama_Face89's comment : Could have been worse. Someone could have whipped out their dick.

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Today, at the restaurant where I work, a guest choked on a bone from her crosscut ribs. She asked me to bring the manager over, so I did. When he got there, she complained that the bone could have seriously injured her, and we should be more careful of where we put the bones in the ribs. FML

#21256772
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35481) - you deserved it (2397)

On 09/12/2014 at 4:05am - work - by Diachronic (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, my daughter was going to Bulk Barn so I asked her to pick me up something to snack on. When she got home, she brought over a bag and without listening to her explain what it was, I began eating it. She looked at me confused, then began laughing. It was a dog treat. FML

#21256734
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18216) - you deserved it (23241)

On 09/12/2014 at 1:50am - misc - by oops... - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I confiscated a 1st grader's cell phone. It was better than anything I could come close to affording. FML

#21256659
148 comments

Today, I entered the lecture hall where my class takes place. I sat in the front row as usual, but I noticed that none of the other students looked familiar. I quickly realised that I was in the wrong class after a different professor showed up and told me to get out. FML

Today, I watched with mild confusion as a piece of paper tucked underneath my windshield wiper flapped around on the highway. What could it be? Surely not a parking ticket. Powerless, I watched it fly away. It must have been the insurance information for the person who swiped the back of my car. FML

Today, I was driving to the DMV to take a test, after getting some points removed from my license. On the way there, I got a speeding ticket and got my license suspended completely. FML

#21256258
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15996) - you deserved it (42513)

On 09/11/2014 at 11:44am - misc - by hockusa3 - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was watching "My Strange Addiction". The woman featured ate rocks. While judging her weird habit, I realised I was chewing on a coat-hanger the whole time. FML

#21256247
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29569) - you deserved it (10690)

On 09/11/2014 at 10:57am - misc - by ayeayeboy19 - United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of)

Today, I had to decline the sale of alcohol to a man who reeked of booze and was practically falling asleep at my till. He tried to convince me that he wasn't drunk, he was just blind. Still refusing to sell him the beer, he started yelling at me, accusing me of "being racist against the 'blinds'". FML

#21256123
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33609) - you deserved it (2622)

On 09/11/2014 at 2:49am - work - by PerfectVision (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I saw my teacher using her phone in the middle of class, so to joke around with her, seeing as we're on pretty good terms, I said: "Using your phone in class? For shame." She looks me in the eyes and says, "Would it be ok if I told you I'm arranging my father's funeral?" FML

#21256116
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39218) - you deserved it (13845)

On 09/11/2014 at 2:33am - misc - by lolwut - United States (Oregon)



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