Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I shaved my pubes while staying at my senile grandma's place. I guess I didn't clean up properly, because she found some hair and insisted someone must have broken in while we were out and used the shower. I had to play along to spare myself embarrassment. FML

#21460529
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15477) - you deserved it (5505)

On 08/25/2015 at 1:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)

maryic4ever's comment : If you're gonna shave your pubes especially at someone else's house, make sure you clean up everything. No one likes to walk into the shower and see a bunch of pubes

See all the comments →

Today, my cousin's husband argued adamantly that the Earth doesn't rotate, and treated me like an idiot when I explained why he was wrong. Not even a video from space of the Earth rotating convinced him. This idiot is a teacher. FML

#21460521
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23351) - you deserved it (1398)

On 08/25/2015 at 1:33pm - misc - by Schizomaniac (man) - United States

Steve97's comment : Does he think the earth is flat too?

See all the comments →

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I said I wouldn't find her attractive in 20 years. What I actually said was that I wouldn't sleep with her mother now, who happens to be 20 years older than her. FML

#21460448
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20390) - you deserved it (2456)

On 08/25/2015 at 7:55am - love - by Shelling Ford - Germany (Bayern)

Steve97's comment : What the hell even brought up that conversation?

See all the comments →

Today, I took a phone call in the bathroom, since the rest of the house was too noisy. I sat down on the toilet and waited while they put me on hold. After a while, I must have forgotten the lid was down and my pants were still on, because I started peeing myself. FML

#21460430
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16990) - you deserved it (7324)

On 08/25/2015 at 6:10am - misc - by Anon - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML

#21460410
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19634) - you deserved it (4921)

On 08/25/2015 at 3:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, while in line at the supermarket, I told the lady behind me that she had a cute baby. She shot me a disgusted look and straight up accused me of being a pedophile. FML

#21460397
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20890) - you deserved it (1374)

On 08/25/2015 at 2:49am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, after putting in 110% at my shitty job for two years straight, my boss told me point-blank I'm too good in my current position for him to ever be able to justify promoting me. FML

#21460378
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19872) - you deserved it (1280)

On 08/25/2015 at 1:51am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I awoke at two in the morning to my cat putting his most recent kill on my chest. When I jumped up screaming, the dead mouse went flying and now my husband and I can't find it. Better yet now both my husband and my cat are giving me the silent treatment. FML

#21460304
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18918) - you deserved it (1909)

On 08/24/2015 at 11:16pm - animals - by catlady - United States (New York)

Today, my dad took my phone away because I "had to be texting while driving in order to wreck my car." I was too ashamed to tell him that a huge bug flew into my face causing me to veer off the road and into a brick mailbox. FML

#21460295
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16128) - you deserved it (6323)

On 08/24/2015 at 10:56pm - misc - by Animeislyfe - United States (Georgia)

Today, I spent an hour trying to sleep before work, but I couldn't because my two dogs wouldn't stop barking. Completely pissed off, I finally went and told the little fuck nuggets to shut the shit up. I was then immediately knocked unconscious by the burglar in my house. FML

Today, my date came to pick me up for a date. As I was getting into his car, a large blister on my foot burst. My foot is now swimming in a pool of hot, liquid pus. FML

Today, I expressed my feelings to a guy I've liked for a long time. He basically turned me down because I have the same name as his mom, and dating me would be too weird. FML

#21460185
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18734) - you deserved it (1652)

On 08/24/2015 at 5:56pm - love - by wellthen - United States

Today, I got stuck in the elevator at work. When I was finally let out, my boss decided I shouldn't get a lunch break, because I'd already had over an hour off work while in the elevator. I had to starve through 5 more hours of work. FML

#21460168
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21890) - you deserved it (1397)

On 08/24/2015 at 5:28pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Italy (Liguria)



FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #17
  • It's here! Yep, time once more to delve into the darkest corners of the FML postbag and check out the stuff that never would've seen the light of day, had we not had a vicious streak in our brains. It's…

Tuesday 25 August 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: