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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I decided to check out a dating site, when I stumbled across my ex wife's profile. She'd had it for four out of the five years of our marriage. And no, it didn't rate us as a good match. FML

#21305183
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26453) - you deserved it (2829)

On 11/24/2014 at 1:47pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I met my best friend's girlfriend for the first time. After a few hours of talking and eating, she followed me to the bathroom and said, dead serious, ''If you ever touch him or get too close to him, I will cut you''. I've known him for twelve years, they have been dating for a month. FML

#21305050
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32493) - you deserved it (2414)

On 11/24/2014 at 8:44am - love - by ohwell (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

hard_candy's comment : someone sounds very insecure.

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Today, I was really excited to get a new bank account in my name. My parents wanted me to have it so they could transfer money from mine to theirs and vice versa. What excited me less was my father drunkenly accessing it and taking all my cash. FML

#21305033
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26759) - you deserved it (3350)

On 11/24/2014 at 7:40am - money - by ugh - United States (New York)

Today, I helped a very large elderly man, who thanked me and tried to hand me a dollar bill. I kindly told him, "We are not allowed to accept tips from customers." His reply was, "You're going to take this fucking money," and shoved it in my pocket. I'm now being written up for it. FML

#21304848
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28692) - you deserved it (2287)

On 11/23/2014 at 10:48pm - work - by justinmdent - United States (Missouri)

llamarrama01's comment : Who needs that job anyway. You have a fucking dollar!

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Today, I was elected to learn how to clean the birthing tub at the hospital I work at. Today, I also discovered that while blood doesn't bother me, floating chunks of afterbirth and god knows what else, will cause me to projectile vomit into said tub. Which I still had to clean afterwards. FML

#21304749
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27487) - you deserved it (2707)

On 11/23/2014 at 8:59pm - work - by StomachofTinfoil (man) - United States (Maine)

fuckyourlifeOP's comment : Hey, you chose to work at the hospital. Can't cut the cord now.

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Today, I woke up with a vicious hangover. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't woken up to dozens of cans strewn all over the floor. I don't remember buying half the store's supply of pork and beans. FML

#21304482
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20902) - you deserved it (6993)

On 11/23/2014 at 1:22pm - misc - by college student - United States (Ohio)

Today, I held the door open for an old lady, before realizing she was a teacher taking 20-plus kids to lunch at local burger joint, all of whom got in front of me in the line to order. FML

#21304463
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27997) - you deserved it (3869)

On 11/23/2014 at 12:46pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I have to deal with being laughed at by my mother and sister, because they keep making sharp movements towards me, causing me to flinch. This is because I got mugged and beaten last night. They think it's hysterical. FML

#21304446
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38809) - you deserved it (2406)

On 11/23/2014 at 12:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I started to get horny while watching TV with my husband. I tried turning him on by telling him I wanted his cock. He cheerfully replied without looking away from the TV, "If only I gave a fuck, babe, if only I gave a fuck!" FML

#21304429
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31150) - you deserved it (3812)

On 11/23/2014 at 11:34am - intimacy - by 404: fuck not given (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my grandpa came into my room and asked for a pen. As I gave it to him, he let rip the foulest fart I've ever smelled in my life, and walked out without a word. 2 hours later, the smell is not only still there, it's filled the room. Looks like I'm sleeping downstairs on the couch tonight. FML

#21304373
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26004) - you deserved it (2368)

On 11/23/2014 at 7:52am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, in thanks for my assistance, a customer recommended me a plastic surgeon who could "really help with that face." FML

#21304340
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24625) - you deserved it (1966)

On 11/23/2014 at 5:27am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, the Salvation Army stationed one of their obnoxious bell-ringers in the mall right outside my store. My employees and I can wave goodbye to any form of sanity for the next month. FML

#21304339
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24100) - you deserved it (4177)

On 11/23/2014 at 5:03am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I accidentally called my boss 'mom'. Now she is jokingly telling everyone that I'm the long-lost daughter she gave up for adoption, because she knew I'd be a failure. FML

#21304319
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27571) - you deserved it (3482)

On 11/23/2014 at 3:31am - work - by naladetet - United States (New Jersey)



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