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Today, I was pulled over for distracted driving. I'd been eating a donut. Let's just say the officer didn't appreciate being offered one. FML

#21223797
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35372) - you deserved it (11886)

On 07/29/2014 at 2:20pm - misc - by fatty magoo - United States (Washington)

mif's comment : It only works if you're Gabriel Iglesias and offering a box of Krispy Kreme.

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Today, I asked my mom why nobody likes me. She reeled off about a dozen reasons. FML

#21223790
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33042) - you deserved it (7732)

On 07/29/2014 at 2:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I had to sit through yet another one of my mom's, "You need to grow and gain some weight!" rants. I'm 22 and she doesn't believe me when I tell her I'm done growing. I'm pretty sure I'm not getting past 5'2". FML

#21223478
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36801) - you deserved it (3028)

On 07/29/2014 at 4:27am - misc - by Tiny (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was having coffee with an old friend I hadn't seen since university. I asked about her husband; she replied, "he died" and walked away. I was confused, so I stood up and took off after her. She reminded me I was at the funeral, and then slapped me in the face. FML

#21223464
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18800) - you deserved it (54931)

On 07/29/2014 at 3:58am - misc - by jayswizzle89 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

NinjaDitto623's comment : How do you just forget that?!?!

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Today, my girlfriend fell asleep while I was proposing. FML

#21223358
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45436) - you deserved it (6175)

On 07/28/2014 at 6:09pm - love - by rejected - United States (California)

UnknownUser227's comment : Sounds like she was engaged in her sleep

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Today, while working an early shift, I was dressing a wound on a gorgeous guy, when he laughed and pointed out some granny panties next to me on the floor. I guess I forgot to take yesterday's underwear out of my pants before putting them back on this morning. FML

#21223271
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30689) - you deserved it (8086)

On 07/28/2014 at 4:47pm - work - by dorrisdoes - New Zealand

Today, I had a 5 hour exam. The exam guard had clearly eaten something funky, because she kept burping loudly. When I thought it couldn't get any worse, she started farting. FML

Today, I met someone who works in radio advertising. Making conversation, I described an ad that I can't stand. He wrote it. FML

#21222884
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34064) - you deserved it (8081)

On 07/28/2014 at 6:16am - work - by Scotty (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I dyed a friend's hair dark brown. She assured me I didn't need gloves as the dye would wash off. It didn't. My shift as a server is in an hour and it looks like I've been working in a tire shop my whole life. Goodbye tips, hello angry customers not wanting me anywhere near their food. FML

#21222740
162 comments

Today, my husband decided to play a recording of me breaking wind in my sleep to my whole family at the dinner table. To make matters worse, it was a compilation of different noises from over a long period of time. My family was horrified and my husband seemed proud of himself. FML

#21222673
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34426) - you deserved it (3563)

On 07/28/2014 at 12:36am - misc - by blow away - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while out shopping, I could hear what sounded like two grown men talking about me, and they were being pretty gross. I turned around to scold them and it turned out being a dad and his 13-year-old son. He said he was, "teaching a son to be a man, and that my ass was grounds for discussion." FML

#21222536
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36347) - you deserved it (3953)

On 07/27/2014 at 10:54pm - misc - by tlm84 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I watched a manager and a co-worker sit underneath a table in our store all day as I got yelled at for not working hard enough. I was the only one actually working. FML

#21222525
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30824) - you deserved it (2162)

On 07/27/2014 at 10:48pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I listened to my best friend describe having sex with her boyfriend in explicit detail. This would have been fine, but her boyfriend is my little brother. FML

#21222459
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39348) - you deserved it (3485)

On 07/27/2014 at 9:55pm - intimacy - by why - United States



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