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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I strained so hard while on the toilet that I gave myself a nosebleed. FML

#21286665
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25490) - you deserved it (4438)

On 10/27/2014 at 11:00pm - health - by Discipl (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was being interviewed for a grant over the phone. When asked why I wanted to go to school to be an OB nursing assistant, I panicked and yelled, "BECAUSE VAGINAS ARE FASCINATING!" into the receiver. FML

#21286497
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24714) - you deserved it (10227)

On 10/27/2014 at 7:05pm - health - by lady parts - United States (Illinois)

Dave_Davington's comment : So did you get the grant?

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Today, I spent an hour painstakingly disassembling my antique mirror after discovering a stack of papers behind the back board. I finally got hold of one corner, and pulled out - a newspaper from 2007 and instructions for an IKEA bed. FML

#21286426
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23773) - you deserved it (3912)

On 10/27/2014 at 5:18pm - misc - by TukTuk (woman) - Germany (Sachsen)

Enslaved's comment : Were you expecting it to be a treasure map?

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Today, I took my girlfriend for what I thought would be a romantic horse-drawn carriage ride. We didn't expect the horse to die in the middle of it. FML

#21286332
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42875) - you deserved it (3227)

On 10/27/2014 at 2:48pm - love - by subduedbeast - United States

feven's comment : It's a sign.

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Today, it's my 20th birthday. I recently came home from college to visit my family, after my mother had a stroke a few weeks back. She ended up being the only person who remembered to get me anything. She also thinks it's still 2009. FML

#21286282
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31789) - you deserved it (2688)

On 10/27/2014 at 12:44pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I watched my co-worker throw the mother of all temper tantrums. He's a radio personality, and just learned that he's not famous enough to use the "Don't you know who I am?" line to get out of a traffic ticket. FML

#21286268
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27418) - you deserved it (2501)

On 10/27/2014 at 12:25pm - work - by Radio GaGa (man) - Canada

Today, I overheard my co-workers talking about how they don't need flu shots because everyone else gets them. These people are in the medical industry. FML

#21286250
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28673) - you deserved it (2794)

On 10/27/2014 at 11:40am - work - by Silbax1 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I cut myself pretty badly with a knife. I was bleeding quite a lot, so I yelled to my husband to bring me some kitchen roll, along with the first aid kit. He rushed in with the roll… to clean the floor. FML

#21286263
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26609) - you deserved it (2933) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/27/2014 at 10:22am - health - by DiiiDiiine (woman) - France (Limousin)

Today, my friend drove up a parking lot and I unbuckled my seatbelt as soon as we were parked. He then suddenly saw a better spot right in front and moved his car. When I got out, a police officer approached me, saying I wasn't wearing my seatbelt. I was fined for that. FML

Today, I stumbled across one of my son's English assignments. Apparently, he decided to submit a haiku about how electrical outlets are technically "whores" because they hook up with countless cords for a "charge." I don't know whether to be amused or furious. FML

#21285975
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29933) - you deserved it (4341)

On 10/26/2014 at 10:42pm - kids - by MySonThePoet (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, there was a laundry basket of my clothes sitting in my room. My dad asked me if they were clean or not. When I said I didn't know, he picked up a piece of my clothing, sniffed it, and said it smelled fine. That piece of clothing just so happened to be my underwear. FML

#21285867
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26500) - you deserved it (5133)

On 10/26/2014 at 8:05pm - misc - by socreepedouticanteven - United States (West Virginia)

Today, at my apartment complex, I was carrying a bag of trash up to the dumpster. A guy stopped his car and helped me carry it the rest of the way. I thanked him and he asked me out. I explained that I was married. He grabbed the trash bag and carried it back to my apartment. FML

#21285821
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31984) - you deserved it (3466)

On 10/26/2014 at 6:46pm - love - by mellielynnemily - United States

Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML

#21285558
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33510) - you deserved it (6863)

On 10/26/2014 at 10:25am - intimacy - by soisblueballsdickhead (woman) - United States



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