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Today, I was doing a design sketch for work. I snapped a pic and sent it to my boss. She replied, "Impressive. Nice sketch too." I was drawing at home, naked. My dick was in the picture. FML

TheZodiacKiller's comment : At least she thinks it's impressive

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Today, I was cooking bacon while my dog watched me, drooling. I thought this was funny and I teased her a bit. I then slipped in the drool as I was carrying the bacon and she got to enjoy it. FML

#21219985
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15822) - you deserved it (41680)

On 07/25/2014 at 2:05am - animals - by fuckendog (man) - Australia (Queensland)

1dvs_bstd's comment : Smart and strategic by your dog. Drooled for you to fall. it was intentional, i tells ya.

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Today, after months of job seeking, I finally got an phone interview request for a company. Excited, I prepared for the interview and conducted extensive research on the company. The interview ended within a minute. They'd got the wrong person. FML

#21219731
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35482) - you deserved it (2803)

On 07/24/2014 at 10:04pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went on a date with an extremely cute girl. About 30 minutes in, she excused herself to the restroom. I waited for about 20 minutes, then I got up and left. About 10 minutes later, she called asking where I was. FML

OSJake's comment : Must have been a long pee..

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Today, I woke up from a nap to find my little brother playing some games on my phone. A few hours later I come to find he had deleted all 500 pictures from my trip to Europe last month. He needed more space to download the games. Mom says he's too young to understand what he did wrong. He's 14. FML

#21219527
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43430) - you deserved it (4230)

On 07/24/2014 at 5:54pm - misc - by stupid older sister (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, a customer threatened to smash my face in because I wouldn't give him a veteran's discount on a donut. He looked like he'd eaten his way out of fat camp, and it seemed the only action he'd seen was fighting his way into a lard factory. Still, he swung fast, and I now have a black eye. FML

#21219507
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34665) - you deserved it (14151)

On 07/24/2014 at 5:23pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I overheard my boyfriend saying to his friends, "I never knew what real contraception was until I saw Laura's face." I'm Laura. FML

#21219482
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34679) - you deserved it (3303)

On 07/24/2014 at 4:51pm - love - by I don't condome that, babe (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had a rough day and was extremely tired. I took a nap on the couch, and woke up to a guy robbing my house. I pretended I was still sleeping, waiting a chance to grab him or run out safely. I ended up falling back asleep. FML

#21219246
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37252) - you deserved it (18915)

On 07/24/2014 at 11:59am - misc - by FML - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got fired from my job. Why? Apparently taking 10 minutes to take a shit is too long for some people. FML

#21219077
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38812) - you deserved it (7314)

On 07/24/2014 at 5:05am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, the fire alarm went off at work. My office is on the second floor, and the door to the stairs were jammed shut. The only way out was jumping out the window. The best part was breaking my leg due to someone burning their lunch. FML

#21218720
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38165) - you deserved it (7086)

On 07/23/2014 at 9:34pm - health - by timv94 (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I had to take a splinter out of my eight year old son's penis. FML

Today, I was so ashamed of my weight when I sat down and the suction of my thighs made a loud fart noise, I admitted to it being a fart rather than my fat rolls. FML

#21218616
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29871) - you deserved it (17006)

On 07/23/2014 at 7:24pm - health - by ThunderThighs (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I asked my class of fifth graders to write down a list of all the compound words they knew. At least four of them put down 'motherfucker'. FML

#21218609
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36284) - you deserved it (4180)

On 07/23/2014 at 7:16pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)



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  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

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