Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, my 8-year-old sister learned how to type her name into a phone using the number key-pad. I later found my phone on the kitchen counter with all my contacts under her name. FML

#740938
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61803) - you deserved it (9124)

On 04/01/2009 at 2:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was on a crowded subway going home. My trousers were a bit dusty so I tried to dust myself off. As I was slapping the side of my leg I missed and hit a woman behind me in the ass. She called me a pervert and walked off. Everyone stared at me. It takes 40 minutes to get home. FML

#740929
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48093) - you deserved it (11453)

On 04/01/2009 at 2:07am - misc - by Thithien1 (man) - Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)

Today, I left for vacation in Mexico. Upon landing, I received a text message from the guy I've been seeing. It read, "Sorry, I'm not boyfriend material. Have a good trip." I paid 75 cents to get dumped, internationally. FML

#740852
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51676) - you deserved it (5099)

On 04/01/2009 at 2:03am - love - by springbreak09 (woman) - Mexico (Quintana Roo)

Today, I was walking down the street with my acoustic guitar on my back. I saw a girl that I like coming down the opposite way, so I decided to play my guitar to try and impress her. I started to tune it quickly, but while I wasn't paying attention, I ran into a pole. Now my guitar is cracked. FML

#740742
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18279) - you deserved it (73318)

On 04/01/2009 at 1:47am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my dad was on the couch and I sat down next to him. As I was reading a text message, I saw my dad's fat stomach sticking out so I patted it. After the first two pats, I realized I was patting in the wrong place. I patted the family jewels. FML

#740213
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19326) - you deserved it (73542)

On 04/01/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by whatashame (woman) - United States (California)

Today, as an April fools day joke, I decided to tell my mom and dad that I was gay. After an awkward silence, my mom looks at me, smiles, and says, "well, we have known for a while." She wasn't joking. FML

#740142
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27180) - you deserved it (57522)

On 04/01/2009 at 1:13am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I stopped by the gas station. As I was filling up I noticed a cute guy at the pump next to me. When I was done, I gave him a wink before opening my car door. It was locked. I had to call my Dad to bring my spare keys. The guy was laughing the whole time as I waited for my Dad to show up. FML

#739087
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11696) - you deserved it (49277)

On 04/01/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she found out that she wasn't really in love with me. She got that advice from an internet survey. FML

#738604
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63689) - you deserved it (8383)

On 04/01/2009 at 12:04am - love - by internetadvice (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was volunteering at a school, as I walked past the swings these two girls smiled and said "wow, you are so pretty!". I smiled back and said "awww, well thank you!." As I walked past I hear them laughing, "she actually believed us." FML

#737315
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53850) - you deserved it (4625)

On 03/31/2009 at 11:10pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I told my girlfriend I needed someone to talk to because I just found out my aunt has cancer. She told me to talk to her in an hour, Spongebob was on. FML

#736026
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57540) - you deserved it (4873)

On 03/31/2009 at 10:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I barely pass my physics test with a 52. With anger I tore up the test in many small pieces and threw it out. As the class was taking the test up, the teacher found a mistake in the marking and asked us to return them back to him so he can change our grade. I would have gotten an 80. FML

#731788
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15319) - you deserved it (86328)

On 03/31/2009 at 8:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went with my girlfriend to the mall. We were looking at jewellery in Zales and she came across the engagement rings. She looks at one and says, "Are you kidding me? That ring is hideous and it's the most expensive one here! Who the fuck would buy that?" Well, that would be me. FML

#731686
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61818) - you deserved it (5793)

On 03/31/2009 at 8:07pm - love - by jkl54 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was called by my 9 year old son's teacher. He had handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he found in my room. I was told to please bring in the key and not to leave my kinky toys out where a child could get them. I'm a cop. FML

#726983
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (96125) - you deserved it (9119)

On 03/31/2009 at 4:47pm - kids - by poo_shoe123 (woman) - United States (Michigan)



FML's blog

  • Freaks's Illustrated FML
  • What's going on? Something weird is going on. I can feel it in my bones. Can't you? People are acting weird, as if they're short-fused all of a sudden. There's definitely…

Friday 1 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: