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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my friends decided it would be funny to scare me by tilting the portable street toilets while I was taking a dump in one of them. One of my friends accidentally rocked it too hard and it fell on the floor. They wouldn't even let me sit in the car after because I had shit all over me. FML

#2820229
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57691) - you deserved it (3296)

On 06/12/2009 at 12:44am - misc - by dontevenassk (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I discovered that my fiancé had tried to fake his own death because he thought it would be easier than confessing to the affair he was having. FML

#2820060
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64946) - you deserved it (2985)

On 06/12/2009 at 12:41am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I thought my face was breaking out with pimples, and I thought it was weird because I never break out. And I noticed all these "bug bites" all over my body. When I got home, I realized those weren't bug bites. I have chicken pox, and my high school graduation is tomorrow. FML

#2819083
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58271) - you deserved it (3188)

On 06/12/2009 at 12:06am - health - by angela (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was babysitting my 5 month old nephew who hasn't pooped in 2 days according to his mom. Well, he pooped. I accidentally stuck my finger in it. While I was wiping my finger off, he rolls over and pees on my new carpet. I roll him over to clean the pee and he opened fire and pooped again. FML

#2816506
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50951) - you deserved it (6005)

On 06/11/2009 at 10:39pm - kids - by chuchie (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I saw some friends' cars at a friend's house, but thought nothing about it. Then I found pictures on Facebook of the pool party they had as a going away party for my friend who is leaving the country for three months. I had no idea my friend was leaving and I was the only one not invited. FML

#2813592
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41758) - you deserved it (4793)

On 06/11/2009 at 9:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one." FML

#2812014
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (94860) - you deserved it (20018)

On 06/11/2009 at 8:23pm - misc - by NoBalls (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was at the mall with my mom. She was pissing me off, so I started screaming at her and causing a scene. I ended up falling all the way down the up escalator. Everyone saw and people clapped. FML

#2804463
828 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32668) - you deserved it (302977)

On 06/11/2009 at 3:49pm - misc - by ouchers (woman) - United States (Texas)

lmmmr's comment : That's because you are clearly a bad person.

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Today, I woke up from a dream about finding a vending machine that gave me free food. I kept eating, it was so satisfying words could not describe how great it felt. Then I realized my hands were in between my legs, I had been touching myself dreaming about free food from a vending machine. FML

#2801625
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66629) - you deserved it (14813)

On 06/11/2009 at 1:51pm - intimacy - by hdat (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

obesecow2012's comment : wtf ydi

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Today, my left-handed boss needed PC help. I said "right-click for the menu." She said nothing happened. Three times we went through this. Eventually I went over, asking her to show me what she did. She was using her right hand on the left mouse button. She earns £10,000 more than me. FML

#2798980
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59860) - you deserved it (3106)

On 06/11/2009 at 11:21am - work - by girlfriday (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, at my wedding, when my husband heard "you may now kiss the bride" he swung me down romantically and was about to plant one on me when his arm slipped, causing me to fall on the floor hitting my head, and getting a concussion. FML

#2798321
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71168) - you deserved it (4032)

On 06/11/2009 at 10:37am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was helping a couple come up with a name for the baby they just had. I suggested "Joshua" thinking that it was an okay name. All sudden, the room got quiet. Turns out I had forgotten that Joshua was the name of their 3 year old son who had died a couple months before. FML

#2798038
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32121) - you deserved it (79576)

On 06/11/2009 at 10:17am - misc - by 8reth72 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was about to go and take a shower when I saw a pair of scissors taped to the door at eye level with a note from my boyfriend saying "Time to trim that hairy thang down under." FML

#2797369
304 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32242) - you deserved it (52284)

On 06/11/2009 at 9:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)



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