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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my auto-repairman told me my heavy mass of keys was bad for the ignition switch and suggested I separate my house and car keys. I began to carry my car keys and lock the house keys in my glovebox. My car was stolen. I now have car keys but no car and a house with no house key. FML

#4014904
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34037) - you deserved it (13744)

On 07/24/2009 at 8:55pm - misc - by LockedOut (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend told my roommate about a trick he had used by filling nail holes with toothpaste when he moved out. When I came home with putty to fill the holes, there were blue spots all over the walls. She had filled them with blue gel toothpaste. Now I get to repaint, too. FML

#4011609
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35849) - you deserved it (3430)

On 07/24/2009 at 6:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he suddenly stopped and walked to the kitchen. He decided to bake chocolate chip cookies in the midst of our intimacy. However, he told me we could still continue while the oven preheated. FML

#4010717
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47575) - you deserved it (6718)

On 07/24/2009 at 5:30pm - intimacy - by jcooh0lla (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was at the mall with my friend when I saw my boyfriend in Victoria's Secret - with another girl. They were joking and laughing, and I was really pissed off. So I stormed into the store and slapped him. He looked up at me with an angry and confused expression. It wasn't my boyfriend. FML

#4007461
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10377) - you deserved it (82758)

On 07/24/2009 at 3:06pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Shadic's comment : You moronic bitch.

See all the comments →

Today, I was at work when my mother called. She gave me great news that she had finally cleaned out my room and all those "old and useless" books that I had in there. Those "useless" books that she had just trashed were all antiques and worth about $500 each. There were 27 books in there. FML

#4007419
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52740) - you deserved it (4693)

On 07/24/2009 at 3:05pm - money - by Cougar (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I turned 18. I thought it was bad enough that I had to pick up my own ice cream cake from the store, but then when I got home, my family discovered no more room in the freezer. They decided to eat it so it wouldn't melt. Without me. FML

Today, my little brother texted me informing me that our father has "become a nudist" since returning home from a month-long trip abroad. I thought he was joking or exaggerating, but when I went over to say hi, the first thing I saw upon walking through the door was my dad's droopy ball sac. FML

#4004887
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50795) - you deserved it (3988)

On 07/24/2009 at 1:07pm - misc - by mubaki (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I just got a new assignment for the moving company I work for. Two weeks ago my fiancé dumped me and I moved out of the house. Almost all of the furniture was mine and it took forever. The new moving assignment I have is moving her new boyfriend into my old house. FML

#4002838
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44519) - you deserved it (2362)

On 07/24/2009 at 10:56am - love - by dantheman (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, a man held a door open for me while I fished my umbrella out of my very cluttered bag. As I was opening my umbrella, I turned to thank him for being such a gentleman. Instead, a tampon that had apparently wedged itself into the folds of my umbrella flew into his face. FML

#4001107
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41669) - you deserved it (5353)

On 07/24/2009 at 7:39am - misc - by umbrella (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I was in an elevator with my dad and several strangers. When the elevator voice said, "Going down," my dad excitedly said, "Man, I love it when she says that!" loudly enough for everyone to hear. FML

#4000566
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40316) - you deserved it (4171)

On 07/24/2009 at 6:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I finally got the courage to ask out the guy I've liked for a long time. He's a cashier at a grocery store. It was about 1am and I was his last customer, everything seemed just right. Just when I was about to ask him to the movies, a drunk girl stumbles in and asks him out. He said yes. FML

#4000327
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45017) - you deserved it (6414)

On 07/24/2009 at 5:32am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - India (Haryana)

Today, my roommate came home and began changing clothes in the same room that my boyfriend and I were in. I quickly got annoyed and angry and when I began questioning her about it she just laughed while saying, "Oh relax, it's not like he's never seen me naked before." FML

#4000083
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60197) - you deserved it (4331)

On 07/24/2009 at 5:04am - love - by Sally (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I discovered my 18 year old son has been peeing on the carpet when he is too lazy to get out of bed in the morning and blaming it on the cat. FML

#3998492
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70592) - you deserved it (7030)

On 07/24/2009 at 3:04am - kids - by tony (man) - United States (California)



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