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Today, I was talking to my mother about my sex life, telling her "if I want to have sex I'm going to have sex." She looked at me for a moment and said, "You're staying a virgin until you marry". She wasn't ordering me, she was informing me. FML

#3452744
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35381) - you deserved it (7588)

On 07/03/2009 at 11:47am - intimacy - by senelbeat - United States (Louisiana)

Pilate's comment : The irony is sickening :P

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Today, I woke up early, showered, dressed, and made the 40 minute drive to work, only to discover when I arrived that today was my day off. When I got home my live in boyfriend was gone. I called and he told me he was at the beach, right near my work. FML

#3448245
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32476) - you deserved it (8739)

On 07/03/2009 at 4:01am - work - by wherefelix (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went on an excellent first date. After the 'end of the date kiss' came "I suppose this is where I tell you that I'm married". FML

#3447565
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54199) - you deserved it (4416)

On 07/03/2009 at 3:24am - love - by hannaholic (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was walking down the street, when a man behind me tapped me on the shoulder. He gave a $5 bill and said that he thought I had dropped it. Not having the integrity to turn him down, I took it. I spent the next 20 minutes being chased by a crazy hobo who claimed that it was his. FML

#3446462
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10740) - you deserved it (46499)

On 07/03/2009 at 2:29am - love - by pinkrazrgirl247 - United States

Today, I got a job selling knives. I had training for 11 hours. At the end of the training session, the instructor promptly informed everyone that they had to pay $145 for a set of demo knives. I paid the $145. I went home and learned that it was a scam. I went back for a refund. They said no. FML

#3446185
421 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13366) - you deserved it (49816)

On 07/03/2009 at 2:19am - work - by Regina (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was chatting with an amazing guy online. He was perfect for me. After five hours he told me he loved me and I said it back. So than we decided to trade nudes. I sent mine. Within two seconds my niece calls, laughing her ass off, telling me how weird my birthmark is. FML

#3442749
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14002) - you deserved it (98489)

On 07/03/2009 at 12:20am - misc - by Uriah (woman) - United States (Georgia)

riii's comment : Uhh, you fell in love with someone over the internet in 5 hours? Thats pretty sad. You should also know that not everyone you talk to online is legit. You deserved that one.

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Today, I went to the gym to lift weights because my arm muscles are pathetic. In order to use a machine, I needed to pull out a knob to adjust the seat setting. After an embarassing struggle, a worker came over and helped me. Turns out I'm not even strong enough to adjust the seat settings. FML

#3440456
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34781) - you deserved it (6902)

On 07/02/2009 at 11:06pm - misc - by Heethersays (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I found some Nesquick Chocolate Milk mix in my pantry which sounded good. While making a glass, I got angry because not all of the mix would disolve. Frustrated, I downed the drink. When I finished I looked in the glass and realized the mix that wouldn't disolve was actually tiny ants. FML

#3437609
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41610) - you deserved it (15712)

On 07/02/2009 at 9:37pm - misc - by ChocoMilkManG (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend left me. The reason? She's not actually a lesbian. She has been using our relationship to piss off her conservative parents. We've been together for over a year, and I've been in love with her for over five. FML

#3437520
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66806) - you deserved it (7927)

On 07/02/2009 at 9:33pm - love - by heart-broken (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was working at the library. Some punks thought it would be funny to shit in a book, close it and return it in the drop box. The fact that it was sitting outside in the ninety degree heat for a couple hours did not help the stench; it was everywhere and I had to clean the mess. FML

#3435644
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53873) - you deserved it (2484)

On 07/02/2009 at 8:18pm - work - by alwaysxgettingxshitxon (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I went to my fiancé's house to have dinner with his family for the first time. Trying to be polite at the end of the meal I went to take the plates in to the kitchen. I overestimated how heavy the half-finished soup pot was, and threw soup all over myself and future mother-in-law. FML

#3435497
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34447) - you deserved it (6064)

On 07/02/2009 at 8:12pm - love - by Damnsoup (woman) - United Kingdom (Stockport)

Today, my husband's rich aunt and uncle came in town and handed us an envelope and said we hope this helps out with the student loans. Inside the envelope was just an article on new student loan procedures and how to get lower payments. FML

#3430173
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41644) - you deserved it (8301)

On 07/02/2009 at 4:37pm - money - by kbrider (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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