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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my husband and I were in bed when the alarm on his phone went off. He then told me that he had to 'sound the horn' and went over to his laptop. Wondering what that meant, I peered over at his laptop. It turns out hunting for mice on Facebook is more important than procreating. FML

#3851520
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32629) - you deserved it (3594)

On 07/18/2009 at 4:15am - love - by Phoebe (woman) - Singapore

Today, after a night of partying, I woke up in the middle of my co-ed dorm lobby to the sound of giggles. I was in a thong with $1 monopoly bills sticking out. I'm a guy. FML

#3849129
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14211) - you deserved it (46294)

On 07/18/2009 at 2:03am - misc - by joedoe (man) - United States (California)

Today, at work, a customer called in and asked me to read off every item on our menu, along with their ingredients. I work at Jamba Juice so that's a lot of reading. After about 10 minutes of this, I found out it was actually my stupid co-worker calling from the back phone. FML

#3848671
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38167) - you deserved it (9300)

On 07/18/2009 at 1:45am - work - by Rawf (man) - United States (California)

Today, I just found out that my current boyfriend and my ex-boyfriend are rooming together at college. Visits are going to be extremely awkward. FML

#3846556
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50222) - you deserved it (6149)

On 07/18/2009 at 12:21am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out that my son is not really gay. He just told me that so I'd let him have girls in his bedroom. FML

#3842566
434 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35490) - you deserved it (94271)

On 07/17/2009 at 10:00pm - kids - by Pumpkin (woman) - United States (Texas)

imamonster1's comment : yeah this kid is a champ.

See all the comments →

Today, I was babysitting a little girl down the street. She pulled out her 'memory box', which contained many childhood treasures. After pulling out a variety of dresses and baby pictures, she says, "... and here's my belly button!" and plops an umbilical chord in my hands. FML

#3840283
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48909) - you deserved it (3200)

On 07/17/2009 at 8:12pm - kids - by heresmybellybotton (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my brother replaced my cologne with whiskey. I have a job interview and I smell like a drunk. FML

#3838963
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41875) - you deserved it (3893)

On 07/17/2009 at 7:14pm - misc - by tukker (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I learned that even when you put a sock on the door because you are having sex with your boyfriend, doesn't mean your mom won't walk in your brand new apartment for a "surprise visit." FML

#3838782
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36236) - you deserved it (9396)

On 07/17/2009 at 7:09pm - intimacy - by Alwayshappens2me (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. I speak 4 languages and thought if I spoke French, the Officer would let me off with a warning thinking I was a tourist. Afterwards I turned to my wife and said "I can't believe that worked." He was a few feet away and heard. FML

#3838271
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9995) - you deserved it (94205)

On 07/17/2009 at 6:40pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I awoke to my husband donning a gorilla mask in the middle of the night. My kids have been staying in a tent out back for the past few nights, and have complained of a "monster" scaring them. I told them that it was their imagination. My husband says he gets a kick out of it. FML

#3837360
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44529) - you deserved it (6321)

On 07/17/2009 at 6:02pm - kids - by Divorcemenow (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, the two and a half hours it took our poorly air conditioned taxi to go 20 miles in stop-and-go traffic was highlighted by our son projectile vomiting all over my wife, a suitcase, and the car. It ended with me having to pay both for the ride, as well as for cleaning the inside of the taxi. FML

#3834940
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36361) - you deserved it (2740)

On 07/17/2009 at 4:23pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Russian Federation (Moscow City)

Today, my boyfriend and I exchanged promise rings. I promised that I would stay committed to him and that he was the only one for me. He promised that he would stop seeing other woman behind my back. He wasn't kidding. FML

#3833567
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49613) - you deserved it (4777)

On 07/17/2009 at 3:24pm - love - by Shocked (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, to get back at me for breaking up with him, my ex-boyfriend thought it would be really funny to post semi nude pictures of me on Craigslist. To top it off, he decided to give all 200+ people who responded to my ad my home phone number. I'm getting non-stop calls from horny freaks. FML

#3832351
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51247) - you deserved it (18879)

On 07/17/2009 at 2:25pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)



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