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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, after practicing a song for my girlfriend on guitar all day, I called her over to my house to show it to her. After a long speech about how "this is for you," I played for about 3 seconds before I broke a string, which slapped her in her face. FML

#1694711
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59542) - you deserved it (5369)

On 05/06/2009 at 4:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I got into my driving instructors car for my first lesson. He looked at me, then said, "I'm sorry, but I wasn't told about your disabilities, what do you have?" I'm not disabled. FML

#1694606
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54435) - you deserved it (2939)

On 05/06/2009 at 4:09pm - misc - by wow. (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. When the police officer approached me and asked for license and registration, I accidentally gave him my fake I.D. FML

#1694446
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14594) - you deserved it (118769)

On 05/06/2009 at 4:05pm - misc - by FakeID (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I had some pretty bad stomach pain, so I went to the bathroom. After a few minutes, two girls walked in, taking stalls next to me. That's when my farts began to get very large and explosive. Not only did they break into laughter, they waited for me to come out. FML

#1693218
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69090) - you deserved it (4474)

On 05/06/2009 at 3:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while driving home I had to pee really bad. I decided to speed to get home quicker. I got pulled over for speeding and peed my pants. The cop, assuming I was drunk, made me take a sobriety test. I had to walk a straight line with piss all over my pants at 2:00 in the afternoon. FML

#1692972
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52482) - you deserved it (10228)

On 05/06/2009 at 3:11pm - misc - by jojo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 3 year old nephew was sitting on my knee at the computer. He was annoying me as he kept on pressing all the buttons. To scare him off I did a creepy voice in his ear that makes him cry. He turned round and broke my nose. FML

#1690267
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13001) - you deserved it (73483)

On 05/06/2009 at 1:04pm - misc - by ElamentalAngel - United Kingdom

Today, my family was preparing a turkey for my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked what it was for. My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together. My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe you should get one for your daughter." FML

#1690188
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (90299) - you deserved it (19961)

On 05/06/2009 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Familyskank (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, is my mothers birthday. I decided to take her out to lunch. On the way there, we had a car accident. It was my fault. For my mothers birthday I gave her: 3 broken ribs. FML

#1688990
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41332) - you deserved it (12541)

On 05/06/2009 at 11:47am - health - by FortuneFaded (man) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I was giving my friend sex advice when she asked me when was the last time for me. Not only did I lie but I realized that it was in November and the time before that was June. I have had sex less times this year than she has this week. FML

#1688369
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47539) - you deserved it (10466)

On 05/06/2009 at 11:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was excited about my friend going wedding dress shopping. Before I went to go work out, I decided to try on a prom dress from high school to remember what it felt like to get dressed up. It was too tight, I broke the zipper, and spent 45 minutes trapped before I cut myself out. FML

#1688328
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17763) - you deserved it (36274)

On 05/06/2009 at 11:04am - misc - by Fatty (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was taking a piss at the urinal when a fly started buzzing around my head. It started getting in my face, so I tried to swat it away. After about 10 seconds of intense swatting, I looked down to find I had pissed all over my shoes and down the front of my trousers. FML

#1687586
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12292) - you deserved it (53668)

On 05/06/2009 at 10:07am - animals - by pissedoffandon (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was walking on the track when this really cute guy shows up. I was hot and sweaty, and wanted to impress him by pouring water on myself. Instead of being turned on, all he saw was me wiping my face on my shirt screaming. It wasn't water, I forgot I had brought Sprite. FML

#1686217
285 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9384) - you deserved it (91344)

On 05/06/2009 at 7:36am - love - by gymbob (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I got my hair dyed at a fancy salon. While the stylist was pulling out the foils in my hair I sat up and started screaming in pain because the hot foils were burning my scalp. All she said was "oh, you're fine". I went back home to find an oozing burn wound on my scalp. FML

#1685097
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57145) - you deserved it (3574)

On 05/06/2009 at 4:57am - misc - by random (woman) - United States (California)



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