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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was helping my friend with her little sister's birthday party. We were playing a game where you get up and switch seats if you've done a certain thing. One girl said to switch if you've kissed a boy. I watched as 18 12-year-olds switched seats with each other. I stayed sitting. I'm 17. FML

#3457854
301 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47755) - you deserved it (8304)

On 07/03/2009 at 4:09pm - love - by neverbeenkissed (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at the park with a friend when I said "Gotta go, sorry. I've got court in an hour." The lady on the bench next to us then loudly complained how disgusting I was for being a criminal and threw her bird seed at me, dirtying my suit. I'm a lawyer with a case in an hour, not a criminal. FML

#3457601
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48334) - you deserved it (3395)

On 07/03/2009 at 3:56pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at work I had to use the bathroom. I asked my boss to watch my register and quickly walked into the bathroom. I squatted down and peed. A minute later I heard someone ask over our walkie talkie system who was using the bathroom. I had been pressing the intercom button while I peed. FML

#3456831
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30458) - you deserved it (11724)

On 07/03/2009 at 3:19pm - work - by PeePee (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I noticed a string was following behind our family cat. After close inspection I realized it was a plastic kite string he partially digested. I had to pull the other three feet of plastic kite tail from his rectum. He purred the entire time. FML

#3456534
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67328) - you deserved it (4891)

On 07/03/2009 at 3:06pm - animals - by RachelDC (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

ChasinParkedCars's comment : Nothing like pleasuring your pussy.

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Today, I was holding a yard sale. A man came up to me and asked if he could buy a pair of red and white sneakers that I'd found in my attic and had never worn. Five bucks later, he was walking away with what I now realize was the pair of shoes signed by Michael Jordan given to me by my uncle. FML

#3455804
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12476) - you deserved it (70457)

On 07/03/2009 at 2:30pm - misc - by capcha (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while going up a ski-lift I accidentally dropped my ticket. The ticket I needed at the top to come back down. I had to hike down the mountain in flip-flops. FML

#3454953
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29184) - you deserved it (14139)

On 07/03/2009 at 1:47pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I exchanged numbers with this guy in the McDonald's drive-thru. When he asked why I gave him my number I told him I thought he had a nice smile. When I asked him the same question, he responded with "I just thought you had a nice rack". FML

#3453387
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12294) - you deserved it (43190)

On 07/03/2009 at 12:23pm - love - by dreamer2639 (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was talking to my mother about my sex life, telling her "if I want to have sex I'm going to have sex." She looked at me for a moment and said, "You're staying a virgin until you marry". She wasn't ordering me, she was informing me. FML

#3452744
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35307) - you deserved it (7578)

On 07/03/2009 at 11:47am - intimacy - by senelbeat - United States (Louisiana)

Pilate's comment : The irony is sickening :P

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Today, I woke up early, showered, dressed, and made the 40 minute drive to work, only to discover when I arrived that today was my day off. When I got home my live in boyfriend was gone. I called and he told me he was at the beach, right near my work. FML

#3448245
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32429) - you deserved it (8732)

On 07/03/2009 at 4:01am - work - by wherefelix (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went on an excellent first date. After the 'end of the date kiss' came "I suppose this is where I tell you that I'm married". FML

#3447565
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54109) - you deserved it (4408)

On 07/03/2009 at 3:24am - love - by hannaholic (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was walking down the street, when a man behind me tapped me on the shoulder. He gave a $5 bill and said that he thought I had dropped it. Not having the integrity to turn him down, I took it. I spent the next 20 minutes being chased by a crazy hobo who claimed that it was his. FML

#3446462
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10726) - you deserved it (46452)

On 07/03/2009 at 2:29am - love - by pinkrazrgirl247 - United States

Today, I got a job selling knives. I had training for 11 hours. At the end of the training session, the instructor promptly informed everyone that they had to pay $145 for a set of demo knives. I paid the $145. I went home and learned that it was a scam. I went back for a refund. They said no. FML

#3446185
421 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13337) - you deserved it (49764)

On 07/03/2009 at 2:19am - work - by Regina (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



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