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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I learned that if you're going to tell your mother you are gay, make sure she isn't holding a frying pan filled with hot grease. FML

#5530332
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58113) - you deserved it (13611)

On 09/28/2009 at 5:00pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I finally found out that someone had stolen my debit card and maxed it out. The good news? Whoever it was forgot to change the address on the card, so everything they bought online has been shipped to me. The bad news? I've received 16 snuggies so far, and I'm still counting. FML

#5529870
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43409) - you deserved it (3277)

On 09/28/2009 at 4:36pm - money - by SnuggieOverload (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to my cousin's farm with my family. First I was pooped on by a goose, peed on by a puppy, bit in the face by the mother dog, fell through the floor of the barn loft, and without knowing it was electric, rested my hand on the horse fence. FML

#5529858
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39502) - you deserved it (8387)

On 09/28/2009 at 4:36pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my little sister asked what masturbation was. We where having a family dinner with my grandparents. My mother then said, "Why don't you ask your brother? He is a pro." FML

#5528599
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27632) - you deserved it (5934)

On 09/28/2009 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by namhtor (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I had a meeting with the CEO about a promising job with good pay and benefits. Upon meeting, we immediately recognized each other. He was someone I used to make fun of in school all the time. He responded by refusing to interview me and had security throw me out by force. Karma bites. FML

#5527789
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8522) - you deserved it (104316)

On 09/28/2009 at 2:31pm - work - by SucksToBeMe (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I awoke in bed with my boyfriend and his dog. After some pushing and prodding, I thought my boyfriend was trying to move the dog out of the way to cuddle with me. It turns out, he was moving the dog closer to him. My boyfriend would rather spoon with his dog than me. FML

#5527691
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31283) - you deserved it (5863)

On 09/28/2009 at 2:25pm - love - by chachi (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I talked to a girl on the phone who had previously told me her last relationship "ended very badly." I said, "So let me guess, that jerk cheated on you?" She paused for a few moments and finally replied, "No, he died in a motorcycle accident." FML

#5526901
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36785) - you deserved it (19354)

On 09/28/2009 at 1:34pm - love - by Greg (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was introduced to friends of my boyfriend as "My other girlfriend." FML

#5526124
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40415) - you deserved it (3600)

On 09/28/2009 at 12:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, while wearing my Navy Dress White Uniform, I decided to stop and help this attractive girl who was not feeling well. Without warning, she blew chunks all over my "Whites". I have a uniform inspection later this afternoon. FML

#5526050
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35633) - you deserved it (4350)

On 09/28/2009 at 12:24pm - misc - by mnavy (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I told my husband I wanted a divorce. He told me he didn't. End of discussion. FML

#5525273
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41456) - you deserved it (16571)

On 09/28/2009 at 11:14am - misc - by jentown11 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was picking up my 10 year old step-son from the airport. He began screaming and crying saying that I wasn't his father. I ended up sitting in a holding room because the security guards thought I was kidnapping him. My wife thought it was hilarious. FML

#5525269
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42745) - you deserved it (2931)

On 09/28/2009 at 11:13am - kids - by justgreat (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I learned that the gap between the elevator and the 6th floor landing of my apartment building is approximately one key's width wide. FML

#5525122
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39417) - you deserved it (3254)

On 09/28/2009 at 11:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I learned to check inside the oven before you preheat it. Sometimes children hide their pet rabbit in there. FML

#5522422
333 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68345) - you deserved it (9231)

On 09/28/2009 at 3:15am - misc - by ripfluffy (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)



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