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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I told my girlfriend of 2 years that I was sexually abused as a kid. She was only the third person I've told. She reacted by breaking up with me because I "might do something" to her kids. FML

#12114881
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68337) - you deserved it (4378)

On 07/26/2010 at 12:34am - intimacy - by draegoncode - Sent from mobile version

bernzz's comment : what a insensitive bitch

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Today, I was fired from the restaurant I work at because I missed my shift. I missed it because I was in the hospital for food poisoning from the meal I ate at work last night. FML

#12114590
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41227) - you deserved it (3088)

On 07/26/2010 at 12:22am - work - by anon - United States

Today, I moved in with my boyfriend. Up until now, I thought my cat was the only four year old I had to deal with. FML

#12114157
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28627) - you deserved it (12212)

On 07/26/2010 at 12:03am - love - by beeee - Australia

Today, I had been sick all day, so to cheer me up my dad drove me to get ice cream. On our way back, we hit a puppy. FML

#12112091
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47291) - you deserved it (4617)

On 07/25/2010 at 10:32pm - misc - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was wearing my yoga pants for my boyfriend. He's infatuated with them. He claims they make my ass look nice. I found out it's because I constantly get a camel toe, and it gives him a semi every time he sees it. I found this out by listening to him and his father at dinner. FML

#12110057
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33085) - you deserved it (10009)

On 07/25/2010 at 8:42pm - intimacy - by cameltoeyourface (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was showing a house to a couple who were interested in buying. At least they "were" interested until they opened the blinds, looked out of the bedroom window and saw the neighbor on the toilet taking a dump. He was naked. He was hairy. He smiled and waved. FML

#12109391
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36948) - you deserved it (3381)

On 07/25/2010 at 8:07pm - work - by anon (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend came over while I was babysitting my little brother. He wouldn't stay in bed, so my boyfriend told him,"If you don't stay in bed, the monster will eat you!" I now have to wash my brother's bedsheets, because he was too afraid to get up and go pee. FML

#12108536
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29996) - you deserved it (10393)

On 07/25/2010 at 7:21pm - kids - by animelover (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was helping a friend move. Before we arrived, he put his key on my key ring to keep it safe. When we got there, he promptly shoved my front door key into the lock and snapped it clean off. Not only can we not get into his house, but now I can't get back into mine. FML

#12107955
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30159) - you deserved it (3925)

On 07/25/2010 at 6:47pm - misc - by Luke (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I tried to open the research paper I've been working on for the past month, only to discover that the entire file is permanently lost and can't be recovered. This is not the first time this has happened to this paper. FML

#12105075
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28467) - you deserved it (15421)

On 07/25/2010 at 3:31pm - misc - by ScienceFail (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, when my girlfriend woke me up, she said, "I just had the sexiest dream." Thinking she was feeling frisky, I started to try to fool around with her. She pulled away and said, "Well it wasn't about YOU." FML

#12100553
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38492) - you deserved it (5575)

On 07/25/2010 at 7:09am - intimacy - by girlgirlinsanity (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was walking down the street and spotted a man who was about 6 and a half feet tall passing by me. As he passed me, I turned and asked him "How's the weather up there?" He then turned around, spat on me, and replied "Raining." FML

#12099804
315 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15049) - you deserved it (123581)

On 07/25/2010 at 5:06am - misc - by spriggs (man) - United States (California)

SexiAmber1990's comment : you're a ass

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Today, my sister and I drove 800 miles with her five-year-old, her two-year-old, and her two dogs. The two-year-old got carsick five times, adding an extra three hours to the trip. The kickers? My sister is sympathy spewer and neither of them chews food very well. FML

#12097515
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27428) - you deserved it (3429)

On 07/25/2010 at 2:17am - kids - by longdrive (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I managed to multitask too much at work. I turned around, adjusted my glasses, swept hair out of my face, and blinked. In the process I walked into my manager, causing me to simultaneously punch myself in the mouth. FML

#12097441
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23018) - you deserved it (6540)

On 07/25/2010 at 2:13am - work - by longday (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)



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