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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was holding my baby daughter during a checkup. To reassure her, I was kissing the back of her head while the Dr. was checking her hearing. After a few minutes, I realized the Dr. had put his hand to steady her head. I was kissing his hand. FML

#4210609
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36560) - you deserved it (20884)

On 08/01/2009 at 5:37pm - misc - by smoochie -

Today, I got pulled over for the first time since I got my license. I have disorganized speech and occasional inappropriate emotional response. I began to laugh due to nervousness and when I tried to explain why, I was arrested because he thought I was high. FML

#4208437
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47786) - you deserved it (4837)

On 08/01/2009 at 3:24pm - misc - by Jesse (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I finished doing a resume that I had spent three hours on. I e-mailed it to the business I was applying for, satisfied. I decided to look it over. The first thing I notice, I spelt my own name wrong. FML

#4208368
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8889) - you deserved it (48759)

On 08/01/2009 at 3:20pm - work - by anonymouschicka (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to be totally honest with each other. We even told some of our deepest, darkest secrets, in hopes of strengthening our relationship. He told me he had a diaper fetish, and would love to see me in one. There goes my sex life. FML

#4207325
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51120) - you deserved it (11935)

On 08/01/2009 at 2:17pm - intimacy - by Maria39018 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was walking in the mountains when I tripped, I grabbed onto the fence in an attempt to soften my fall. The fence was electric. FML

#4206061
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51092) - you deserved it (4072)

On 08/01/2009 at 12:49pm - misc - by Electronotfriend (woman) - Poland (Pomorskie)

Today, I gave my mother a pre-prepared deposit envelope with my fortnightly wage in it, in cash. I tell her exactly where the deposit box is and what to do. I'm now desperately calling the bank because my mother accidentely put my $1200 deposit in the little trash can for receipts under the ATM. FML

#4204069
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41844) - you deserved it (12181)

On 08/01/2009 at 10:08am - money - by outagrand (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend and I were having ice cream and I jokingly asked "What's better? The sex or ice cream?" Apparently I don't pleasure her like Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream does. FML

#4204058
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18191) - you deserved it (43950)

On 08/01/2009 at 10:08am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up from a night of crazy drunken sex with a guy I had met at a friends 23rd birthday party. The lights had been off when we had stumbled in to his house the night before. When I opened my eyes today, the first thing I saw was his family picture, complete with his wife and son. FML

#4203827
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17164) - you deserved it (58094)

On 08/01/2009 at 9:44am - intimacy - by homewrecker (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my Dad sent me an e-mail wishing me a "Happy 21st Birthday, sweetheart!" The message went on and on about how much he loves and misses me and wishes we were closer, and can't believe how fast I'm growing up. I'm 23 and my birthday is in December. FML

#4203551
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47316) - you deserved it (2384)

On 08/01/2009 at 9:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I went to the mall and saw a really cute guy. I acted all cool and started doing a sexy hair flip. On the way back up from my hair flip I hit my head on a cellphone stand. FML

#4203484
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8015) - you deserved it (52755)

On 08/01/2009 at 8:56am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my long-distance boyfriend wanted to spend time online with me. He kept quiet on Skype and went on a hundred different stupid websites, laughing by himself. Afterwards, he told me he really enjoyed our time together. FML

#4203113
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38208) - you deserved it (6333)

On 08/01/2009 at 7:58am - love - by Unclicked (woman) - Singapore

Today, I was wearing a skirt, and running towards a closing elevator, making it just in time. As soon as I ran in, my pad fell out of my underwear and onto the floor. There were 6 other people in the elevator. I picked it up before I realized I had nowhere to put it, so I held it. For 18 floors. FML

#4201501
301 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59316) - you deserved it (9510)

On 08/01/2009 at 4:15am - misc - by Alice (woman) - United States (California)

blackcatbook's comment : ... What the fuck? How would that even happen? Are you just wearing really tiny underwear?

See all the comments →

Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of thinking up names, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML

#4201087
399 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66782) - you deserved it (15295)

On 08/01/2009 at 3:44am - love - by NinjaPanda88 (man) - United States (California)



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