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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I rushed home to tell my parents my girlfriend had accepted my proposal. They asked how I could be so selfish at a time like this. Apparently, Michael Jackson's death is more important than their son. FML

#3215431
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69714) - you deserved it (6052)

On 06/25/2009 at 8:56pm - love - by Tom (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I finally had sex with a girl I've been dating for over a month. Before we got started she told me not to worry about the birth control because she could handle that. So after we finished I asked her what kind of birth control she used. She said she meditated. FML

#3211870
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32191) - you deserved it (67931)

On 06/25/2009 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by UrbanCass (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was driving 3 of my guy friends to a party that was half an hour away. There was an awkward silence for most of the trip. I just figured out why now. I've had sex with all 3 of my guy friends. They talk about it when I'm not around. FML

#3210112
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10473) - you deserved it (93706)

On 06/25/2009 at 7:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at work, someone heard me throw up. I then got called aside and told being hungover at work is unacceptable. I don't drink. I'm pregnant. FML

#3208136
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55040) - you deserved it (3101)

On 06/25/2009 at 6:29pm - work - by dazedandconfused (woman) - United Kingdom (Harrow)

Today, I brought a friend who I have loved for years out to a nice restaurant for dinner. I ordered an expensive bottle of wine, and poured each of us a glass. As I was about to tell her I loved her, she raised her glass for a toast and said "A toast to friendship!" FML

#3207933
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47414) - you deserved it (6392)

On 06/25/2009 at 6:24pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, a man from across the bar looked at me, pointed and said "MMMM, now THAT'S what I want." Offended, I confronted him to tell him I felt disrespected by him referring to me as 'that.' Turns out, he was pointing to the cheeseburger that the waitress behind me was holding. FML

#3207730
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7204) - you deserved it (45925)

On 06/25/2009 at 6:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I decided to make pancakes from scratch. I poured the batter in my Perfect Pancake pan. Then I told my brother who was watching, "This is so easy. Just watch." I burned 15 pancakes, including the one I dropped on the burner, which lit on fire, causing the alarm to go off. FML

#3205339
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8913) - you deserved it (45107)

On 06/25/2009 at 3:22pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I went to a yard sale and found a cute plush duck. I sent a pic of it to my friend with the message "Jackpot!" I guess she didn't see the pic because she called me up all excited, thinking my boyfriend of 6 years finally proposed to me. "No, I said, I just found a big duck for $1." FML

#3205255
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35887) - you deserved it (6228)

On 06/25/2009 at 3:17pm - love - by smallmediumatlrg (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found my long lost diary and curiously read it. What's worse than finding out that your mother read your diary? Finding out that your mother wrote comments in it. FML

#3205233
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58548) - you deserved it (3453)

On 06/25/2009 at 3:15pm - misc - by Emptyspace (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while I was working a customer notified me that the men's restroom need some attention. Thinking that there was just a small mess, I walked into the restroom only to discover someone had taken a crap in the sink. Guess who got to clean it. FML

#3203701
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42950) - you deserved it (2582)

On 06/25/2009 at 12:22pm - work - by KP (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was parking my car outside of my apartment, but the big truck next to the spot went over the line. I squeezed in anyway. Later, I discovered the truck had left and someone keyed my car. They left a note saying, "Good parking job, asshole." FML

#3203047
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32327) - you deserved it (4993)

On 06/25/2009 at 11:37am - misc - by mickstinator - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to go give my boss a high five for a job well done. I missed his hand and accidentally slapped his ass on the way down. FML

#3201910
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28402) - you deserved it (8861)

On 06/25/2009 at 10:13am - work - by KN (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was awoken by my son squirting liquid on me from a bottle. We have a high deer population in our area, so I spray urine contained in black bottle on my plants to help deter the deer from eating them. I also water my flowers with water from a blue bottle. My son used the black one. FML

#3200106
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27261) - you deserved it (5765)

On 06/25/2009 at 6:17am - misc - by GoldenShower (man) - United States (Ohio)



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