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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I went for a jog. While passing by my neighbor's house, their six year old son started throwing peanuts at me screaming, "I hope this kills you!" because I'm allergic to peanuts. FML

#4820623
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51810) - you deserved it (3223)

On 08/25/2009 at 8:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had my first real date with my first serious boyfriend. I was nervous because from past experience. I learned my lips were a bit ticklish and I usually giggled a bit during kissing. Well, we started making out and I thought was I doing pretty good hiding my laughs. Until I wet myself. FML

#4819197
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44983) - you deserved it (9633)

On 08/25/2009 at 7:56pm - love - by RitaDahhlinnnng (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I tried to surprise my parents on their first day back from New York with candles I made. I used actual lavender flecks from our garden for the scent in the candles. My plan worked until the lavender caught on fire which then spread to all of our mail and newspapers. Welcome home. FML

#4815295
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29138) - you deserved it (10117)

On 08/25/2009 at 5:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, for karaoke, I sang American Woman by Lenny Kravitz. The entire audience cracked up laughing and at least three people pulled out their cell phones to record my performance. At the end, the DJ said, "Looks like someone had too much tonight." I was completely sober. FML

#4813965
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36280) - you deserved it (10382)

On 08/25/2009 at 4:07pm - misc - by Cossack_Man (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was supposed to be picked up by my date. I haven't got my license yet, so all my dates have to pick me up. He never showed. He also didn't bother to text or call that he wasn't coming. Neither did the five other dates I was supposed to have this summer. FML

#4812515
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43711) - you deserved it (8956)

On 08/25/2009 at 2:52pm - love - by sabbydutchgirl (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was walking out of a bar when someone grabbed me by the throat, and slammed me against a wall, saying "Stop fooling around with my wife, because next time - I'll kill you." I'm gay and haven't been with a woman since 1985. FML

#4810431
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60227) - you deserved it (6350)

On 08/25/2009 at 1:09pm - love - by Jeff (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was at the park with my autistic son when I noticed a teenage girl imitating him by flapping her hands and walking on her toes. Fed up with children mocking my son, I went over and sternly lectured the girl's mother. Turns out, her daughter is autistic too and will be in my son's class. FML

#4810321
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38889) - you deserved it (20281)

On 08/25/2009 at 1:03pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall, she just cracks up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy, so I have to rely on electronics. What's worse, she told my dad AND posted a status on facebook about it. FML

#4809359
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64569) - you deserved it (9428)

On 08/25/2009 at 12:04pm - love - by Sarah (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my friends and I went out drinking, and luckily enough, the guy I have had a crush on for four years now was there. I tried to get drunk so that I can make a move and blame it on the alcohol. I went in to whisper my confession in his ear... only to puke on him. FML

#4808009
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9477) - you deserved it (61521)

On 08/25/2009 at 10:17am - love - by sickened (woman) - Philippines (Rizal)

Today, a customer brought her kids into the store where I work. I like to make people laugh so being my usual joking self I kidded "Why aren't those kids in school?". She didn't laugh when she said that their house burned down the night before and the kids had no clothes to wear to school. FML

#4807414
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41953) - you deserved it (11465)

On 08/25/2009 at 9:21am - work - by mybad - United States (Georgia)

Today, I quit my job that my girlfriend and I worked together at. Fellow employees are not allowed to date one another and I said it would be ok if I was the one to leave. When I got home to her and told her that I quit, she decided to break up with me. I now have no job and no girlfriend. FML

#4807185
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39092) - you deserved it (11311)

On 08/25/2009 at 8:54am - love - by kalazoo21 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I spotted my neighbour's cat sitting on their front garden. I bent over and began walking towards it with my hand out saying, "Hello pussycat". I was only a few feet away when I realised I was talking to a white bag of sand. I turned to see my family in hysterics. FML

#4806587
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11916) - you deserved it (35865)

On 08/25/2009 at 7:40am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Reading)

Today, as I got into an elevator, I spotted a little old lady hobbling desperately to get on. I frantically tapped on the 'door open' button but the doors closed. I got dirty looks from the people in the lift, only then did I realise I had frantically tapped the 'door close' button instead. FML

#4805621
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22686) - you deserved it (29950)

On 08/25/2009 at 5:17am - misc - by ElevatorThug (man) - Singapore



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