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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I went to get a pedicure for the first time. My feet are VERY ticklish. I reflexively kicked the poor lady in the face, as I wet my pants. FML

#4624191
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42946) - you deserved it (15387)

On 08/18/2009 at 8:35am - misc - by peepeepants (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my nose was itchy. As I reached towards it to itch it, I sneezed ridiculously hard. I punched myself in the eye and now it's all purple and puffy. FML

#4623862
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40231) - you deserved it (9025)

On 08/18/2009 at 7:47am - health - by Ahhwtf (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his family. They were drinking and having fun, so I joined in. I had one too many, got really goofy and then suggested the farting game. "Sorry, I can't hold my liquor!" I quickly explained. My boyfriend's mom shot me a cold look and said, "It's non-alcoholic." FML

#4622066
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10208) - you deserved it (87887)

On 08/18/2009 at 4:04am - misc - by probably_the_ex_now (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

imajinethat's comment : YDI for being an idiot even whilst not intoxicated.

See all the comments →

Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML

#4619260
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72533) - you deserved it (5795)

On 08/18/2009 at 1:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I received a text from my girlfriend to break up with me. I was upset. One minute later another text from her said "sorry, wrong person." FML

#4618484
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61191) - you deserved it (3195)

On 08/18/2009 at 1:06am - misc - by Anonymous - Kazakhstan (Almaty)

Today, I ran over a cat while driving home. I tried to keep myself together but couldn't help but cry because of how bad I felt. Through my tears I failed to notice a porcupine in the middle of the road. Yep, I hit him too. FML

#4618349
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49337) - you deserved it (17207)

On 08/18/2009 at 1:02am - animals - by anugla (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, it was my 21st birthday. All my friends showed up at my house already drunk, so I had to be the designated driver. FML

#4617749
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48064) - you deserved it (3371)

On 08/18/2009 at 12:44am - misc - by thedd (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I asked my friends what NNAS was code for. They have been using this for about a month. After bothering one of them for a few hours, he finally told me. NNAS stands for Nataly Needs A Shower. I'm Nataly. FML

#4617560
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14616) - you deserved it (46929)

On 08/18/2009 at 12:38am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, at work, there was some teenage hoodlums outside in our parking lot. When I tell them to leave, one of the bigger guys steps up and says "I'll kick your ass!". I yell "No balls!", to the teen. He then whips me to the ground and sits on my face, proving to me that he did. FML

Today, I found out that I'm immune to laughing gas and partially immune to novocaine while I was getting two teeth pulled. FML

#4609790
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49560) - you deserved it (2524)

On 08/17/2009 at 8:14pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, there were some wasps getting in my bedroom from a hole in the frame of my window. I went outside with some spray and took out their entrance. What I didnt know is that when you spray wasps, they go the other direction. I now have 60+ wasps flying around my bedroom. FML

#4608899
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31407) - you deserved it (22740)

On 08/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by BearGrillz - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I asked my aunt to pluck my eyebrows since hers are perfectly done. What I didn't know is she gets hers professionally shaped and she doesn't know how to shape eyebrows. I now look like a surprised Vulcan. FML

#4606857
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35557) - you deserved it (20192)

On 08/17/2009 at 6:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)



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