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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was anxiously waiting for the guy I had a crush on to pick me up for our first date. He shows up with his son, whom I never knew about, and takes us to Chuck E. Cheese. FML

#7908561
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28149) - you deserved it (5068)

On 02/05/2010 at 4:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to have fun at school. So, we went into the locker room. We were making out for a couple minutes when the door opened. It was the principal, who also happens to be her dad. FML

#7907702
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12174) - you deserved it (36388)

On 02/05/2010 at 3:17pm - love - by topfisherman (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out why my boyfriend wouldn't answer his phone last night. He was hanging out with our mutual friend all night. She had been texting me all night about what great sex she was having. My boyfriend was the only person there besides her brother. FML

#7906309
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33390) - you deserved it (2597)

On 02/05/2010 at 2:01pm - intimacy - by michelle - Sent from mobile version

Today, I woke up at a guy's house drunk and soaked in my own pee. I had passed out with all my clothes on. Since I was late for work and didn't have a change of clothes, all I could do was throw my jeans in the dryer. I had to sit all day at work in crusty pee pants. FML

#7905644
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5731) - you deserved it (49939)

On 02/05/2010 at 1:22pm - misc - by goldenshower (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up and had a voicemail from my boyfriend. I just thought nothing of it because it was a pocket dial. I decided to listen to it carefully and realized it was him having sex with another girl. FML

#7904015
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26505) - you deserved it (2222)

On 02/05/2010 at 11:29am - intimacy - by donkeyd - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went out for a smoke before dinner. I glanced through the window only to see my husband take my cooking scissors, cut his toe nails and then put them back in the utensils canister without washing them. FML

#7902895
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29108) - you deserved it (6044)

On 02/05/2010 at 10:14am - misc - by fububc - Sent from mobile version

Today, I laughed so hard my milk went out my nose in front of the boy I liked. Then, since I was laughing so hard about that, I accidentally farted. FML

#7901856
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36363) - you deserved it (8233)

On 02/05/2010 at 8:44am - misc - by hisgirl4life (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I made out with my friend for the first time. He gave me a hickey that can't be hidden. I'm the president of my church youth group and I have to help give a seminar on keeping your body like a holy temple... Tomorrow. FML

#7900233
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10725) - you deserved it (58817)

On 02/05/2010 at 5:35am - love - by hickey (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was working as a clown (Pennywise) in a haunted maze. A bunch of drunk guys came in and started breaking props. I decided to stay still and follow through with the scare. I ended up getting kicked in a very sensitive area. The security guard just laughed. FML

#7899176
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26213) - you deserved it (4062)

On 02/05/2010 at 3:23am - work - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, my mother and I were driving through Del Taco. Instead of ordering "Macho Diet Coke", she said "Macho Diet Cock". After correcting herself and pulling up to the window, the employee who goes to my high school gave her the drink and his phone number. FML

#7898835
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23679) - you deserved it (2338)

On 02/05/2010 at 2:52am - misc - by MachoFluster (man) - United States (California)

Today, I lied to the treadmill about my weight. FML

#7898560
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11690) - you deserved it (32854)

On 02/05/2010 at 2:33am - health - by Holly - United States

Today, one of my friends pointed out I'm starting to get a mustache! - "You're finally a man!" To bad it's my 15th birthday, and I'm a girl. FML

#7897193
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30574) - you deserved it (3293)

On 02/05/2010 at 1:25am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I grounded my son for being a smart ass. Now he can't go to the cub scout campout this weekend. He's been howling, sobbing, stomping, slamming and screaming for about three continuous hours. I am not sure who this punishment has inflicted more suffering on: my son or me. FML



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