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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was in the checkout line at Foodmax around 11:30pm. Three girls behind me were buying Tequila, salt and some limes. I was buying frozen pizza and some toilet paper. They were going to an awesome party. I was going home to eat pizza by myself. FML

#12385494
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31054) - you deserved it (8084)

On 08/08/2010 at 3:14am - misc - by joe (man) - United States (California)

Today, my husband discovered that whispering anything in my ear will turn me on. He turned to me and whispered 'cheeseburger' in my ear. Unfortunately, I moaned. Now he now laughs about it with our roommate. FML

#12377816
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30058) - you deserved it (18537)

On 08/07/2010 at 9:05pm - intimacy - by Indigo_Kitten (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was supposed to be going on my first date with a guy I really liked. He never showed up. I just found out my dad was outside washing the car when my date showed up. He told him he didn't have a daughter and to never show up on his driveway again. FML

#12376475
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43871) - you deserved it (3056)

On 08/07/2010 at 7:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, while driving I made a fake phone call with my fake boyfriend, making him sound amazing to my friends who were in the car with me. Until the red and blue flashing lights pulled up behind us. My fake boyfriend cost me $160 in real fines. FML

#12376423
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7399) - you deserved it (63389)

On 08/07/2010 at 7:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I decided to call the number a cute guy had scribbled onto a napkin and given to me. I was greeted by, "Hello, this is Dr. Allen's office." Surprised, because I didn't remember his name being anything close to Allen, I asked who Dr. Allen was. She's a psychologist. FML

#12371102
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30234) - you deserved it (5521)

On 08/07/2010 at 1:10pm - misc - by TRalalla (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he wanted to make the most of his 1 month X-Box Live coupon. FML

#12368277
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38537) - you deserved it (6813)

On 08/07/2010 at 7:01am - love - by Single (woman) - France (Bretagne)

Today, my boyfriend of one year told me not to walk beside him because people might "think we're together". FML

#12365363
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40791) - you deserved it (5528)

On 08/07/2010 at 2:06am - love - by WastedTime (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I decided to clear up some storm damage. I carefully cut a tree that was threatening to fall on my house. It fell on my neighbor's house instead. He's taking me to court for damages. FML

#12365331
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16321) - you deserved it (35137)

On 08/07/2010 at 2:04am - misc - by Zinfandel (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my husband thought it'd be funny to trigger the alarm in the house while I was sleeping. Shocked, I ran outside naked. FML

#12364417
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37986) - you deserved it (6994)

On 08/07/2010 at 1:21am - love - by Hunterxx (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my four year old told my mother-in-law that our house is haunted because she hears a ghost at night saying "oh" and daddy's name as if they're hurt. FML

#12361153
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31890) - you deserved it (17889)

On 08/06/2010 at 10:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my grandma bought me a cemetery plot for my birthday. If that's not weird enough, it's about a 2 mile walk from where the rest of my family will be buried. FML

#12360935
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34404) - you deserved it (2486)

On 08/06/2010 at 10:22pm - misc - by sicufovoshxbsjdk - United States (New York)

Today, I was at a water park with my family. While on the 100ft slide, my father decided it would be a great idea to pants me. I slipped and went down the 100ft slide naked for everyone to see. FML

#12353500
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39625) - you deserved it (3887)

On 08/06/2010 at 2:09pm - misc - by shitpile - United States

Today, my 24 year old girlfriend plugged her ears and stomped her feet while making really loud noises in our local video store. She then refused to stop until I agreed to rent and watch The Notebook with her. FML

#12352177
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40835) - you deserved it (14802)

On 08/06/2010 at 12:34pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)



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