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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I went to a crowded Walmart with a hot new girl I'm dating. It was raining and we had to park far from the entrance. As soon as we get out of my car, she starts sprinting to get out of the rain. I run to catch up and slip on a metal plate, and do a reverse superman onto my ass. FML

#8220322
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20382) - you deserved it (5204)

On 02/13/2010 at 8:04pm - misc - by Decker (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was fired. Why? Because I called in sick on my daughter's birthday, even though you cannot "abandon work for personal affairs". My boss's favorite employee got to skip work on his wife's birthday two weeks ago. He still works here. FML

#8219030
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23567) - you deserved it (6497)

On 02/13/2010 at 7:29pm - work - by firedofbirthday - Sent from mobile version

Today, it snowed in South Carolina for the first time in 10 years. It snowed eight whole inches! I was so excited, I yelled for my kids and ran outside to build a snowman. I ran out to the steps and slipped on ice. I woke up in the hospital with a bad concussion. The snow had all melted. FML

#8210549
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32406) - you deserved it (5632)

On 02/13/2010 at 3:11pm - kids - by owwie - United States

Today, I got back from my daughter's flat in Scotland. I got a flight there yesterday morning to surprise her on her 21st birthday. Nobody told her I was coming. When I got there, it turned out she decided to get a plane to London to surprise me. £200 on flights, and I didn't even get to see her. FML

#8207424
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27165) - you deserved it (4590)

On 02/13/2010 at 1:39pm - kids - by gordy1220 (man) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, while I was painting, my little nephew came in and started watching me. I left to clean my brushes. When I came back into the room, my nephew had spilled paint all over the carpet making a rainbow. It took me 5 hours to clean it up. FML

#8205251
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19308) - you deserved it (7449)

On 02/13/2010 at 12:32pm - kids - by ositsranielle - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my dog farted next to my CPAP sleep/breathing machine. The machine sucked up her fart, compressed it, and promptly injected it up both of my nostrils. FML

#8202300
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39492) - you deserved it (3467)

On 02/13/2010 at 11:08am - animals - by Dog fart - United States

Today, I messaged my sister on Facebook chat. We always start our conversations with "HEY SLUT" or "HEY WHORE" etc. It wasn't my sister. However, her boyfriend's mom has a great first impression of me. FML

#8200011
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8940) - you deserved it (23048)

On 02/13/2010 at 9:53am - misc - by Anon (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my grandma sent me a Valentine's Day card. For years she's been hinting at me to lose weight. The card: a picture of cookies on the front and a gym membership inside. FML

#8199501
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21635) - you deserved it (5963)

On 02/13/2010 at 9:22am - misc - by bcca - United States (Ohio)

Today, it was my turn to take out the trash. While walking to the dumpster, I slip and fall. It doesn't really hurt, so I get up and go to the dumpster, but the top is frozen stuck. It won't budge. Then I really pull with a lot of force, and the lid swings open and busts my nose. FML

#8198734
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20397) - you deserved it (3501)

On 02/13/2010 at 8:44am - misc - by lolographic24 - Norway (Oslo)

Today, I went on a date with a cute guy. After picking me up, he started to play on repeat, and sing to me, 'Happy Together' by The Turtles. For the entire 20 minute ride. FML

#8195721
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23279) - you deserved it (3506)

On 02/13/2010 at 3:49am - love - by girlie5445 (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my brother's home for his annual visit, lectures my parents once about their eating habits. They promptly throw away all of their junk food. I'm there every Sunday, and have been telling them to eat healthier for medical reasons. They never listen. He's in sales, and I'm in med school. FML

#8195663
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23745) - you deserved it (2708)

On 02/13/2010 at 3:47am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I switched cell phone carriers and got the plan where you can call or text any five people for free. The employee asked for my five, I could only come up with one, my mom. FML

#8193962
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24430) - you deserved it (4676)

On 02/13/2010 at 2:22am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my husband and I were role playing to keep our marriage alive. His character was a deranged stalker while I was the helpless girl. My neighbor thought I was really being chased so she called the cops. Once they came we explained the whole story and got a fine for disturbing the peace. FML

#8193148
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21122) - you deserved it (7200)

On 02/13/2010 at 1:51am - intimacy - by whathef???? - Canada (British Columbia)



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