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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, it was my friend's paintball party and we were doing it in a forest nearby. When I arrived at his house, his parents said they already started, so I geared up and went out there to find that there was a note on a tree. It said 'Sorry', and then twenty people jumped from bushes and ambushed me. FML

#5699307
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34194) - you deserved it (11255)

On 10/07/2009 at 7:13am - misc - by shitballs_911 (man) - United Kingdom (Kingston upon Thames)

Today, I was babysitting my niece when we decided to play hide and seek. I went in the shed, and waited. After waiting a while, I went to go back inside to see what was happening. I saw my niece had locked all the doors and was eating cookies on the kitchen bench. FML

#5699135
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11278) - you deserved it (35329)

On 10/07/2009 at 6:42am - kids - by vbscb (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, while working on my laptop, I accidentally spilled a glass of water. I quickly moved my laptop out of the way of the oncoming stream. It fell on the floor and broke. FML

#5698793
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28505) - you deserved it (9028)

On 10/07/2009 at 5:25am - misc - by 1000dollarspoor - United States (California)

Today, while trying to sleep, I kept hearing this groan/scream for help for about an hour. I decided to call 911 to send someone to investigate. Police came, I received a $100 parking fine and another citation for improper use of 911. The noise? Just a dog howling. FML

#5698254
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24316) - you deserved it (11521)

On 10/07/2009 at 3:57am - animals - by ScaryOldMan (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was in an exam and was chewing the end of my pen, stuck on a question. My mouth filled up with ink. I wasn't allowed to leave, so I had to sit for another hour with a foul-tasting blue tongue and a half-working pen. FML

#5698156
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13362) - you deserved it (37056)

On 10/07/2009 at 3:48am - misc - by shoeaddiikt (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was teaching a woodshop class. We were using power tools, including drills, and pieces of pine wood. While helping a kid to hold a piece to practice drilling, he went too far forward with the drill. It went through my hand. FML

#5697763
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46972) - you deserved it (10492)

On 10/07/2009 at 3:05am - work - by screwed (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was eating ice cream and struggling to chew a particularly hard chunk of chocolate. After finally breaking it into pieces, I spat it out because it tasted terrible. Then I discovered that I was missing my temporary crown. Now I have no upper molar. FML

#5696976
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26968) - you deserved it (5657)

On 10/07/2009 at 1:43am - health - by Toothless (woman) - United States (Alabama)

allmidnighteyes's comment : I'm betting you were awed by the magnitude of his perpendicular line, and he was probably even more awed at the volume of your conical projections. Do you postulate, "Bisect my angle!" every time you reach your local maximum?

See all the comments →

Today, I found out that my parents are 28,000 dollars in debt and that my bank account has $27.17 in it. They took my money to help pay their debt. FML

#5695296
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39242) - you deserved it (2831)

On 10/07/2009 at 12:12am - money - by armenta427 (man) - United States

Today, I was walking my dog when, as usual, he did his business in the grass and stepped off to the side. I squatted and reached for the bag when my dog spotted another canine. He lunged forward in excitement and I landed face forward in the feces. FML

#5692433
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37613) - you deserved it (3579)

On 10/06/2009 at 10:07pm - animals - by gera3gera - United States (California)

Today, I went shopping for a new pair of jeans. I was feeling good about the fact that I was going down a waist size until the cashier decided to discuss with me, three co-workers, and the ten other people in line how she didn't even know jeans came in sizes that big. FML

#5690935
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35605) - you deserved it (6192)

On 10/06/2009 at 9:11pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was walking out of class when I saw a girl enthusiastically run to her boyfriend, jump on him, and smother him with kisses. I thought to myself "I wish my girlfriend did that." When the girl jumped off and turned around I realized she did, just not to me. FML

#5689238
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53328) - you deserved it (2558)

On 10/06/2009 at 8:04pm - misc - by zitroskies (man) - United States (California)

Today, I showed my boyfriend the new tattoo of a butterfly that I'd gotten on my lower back. He said, "It looks like it's flying when your rolls jiggle." FML

#5688481
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13036) - you deserved it (37269)

On 10/06/2009 at 7:32pm - misc - by lovebigmacs (woman) - United States (Georgia)



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