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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was out having a beer with a few friends. After getting a pint, I slipped in a puddle of beer, fell on top of a stranger on the sofa, and knocked my beer upside down on my head. Then, completely soaked, I realized I'd also knocked over the table, spilling its content on a poor girl across it. FML

#12842003
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25808) - you deserved it (8519)

On 08/31/2010 at 6:33pm - misc - by nemi (woman) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, I was forced to spend an extra $318 for another plane ticket to Dallas. The ticket wasn't for my daughter, my mom, or my sister, but for the quarter of my butt that apparently needs its own seat. FML

#12841369
357 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21812) - you deserved it (68274)

On 08/31/2010 at 5:40pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, after my husband's phone buzzed like crazy all morning, I decided to pick it up and see what all the fuss was about. He had three new picture messages from his "boss", naked and strapped to a chair with the caption, "Are you still coming over tonight?" We've been married for nine years and have two children. FML

#12838933
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62790) - you deserved it (4404)

On 08/31/2010 at 2:07pm - intimacy - by ashlee (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, it's my nephew's second birthday. He was sitting on my lap, so I started tickling him. He laughed and squirmed so much, he smashed his mouth on my desk. Two bloody hours at the hospital later, he has no two front teeth. FML

#12838070
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28158) - you deserved it (9568)

On 08/31/2010 at 12:32pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I heard two of my students having a conversation. One asked what state Arizona was in, and the other replied Canada. I teach sixth grade social studies and they weren't joking. FML

#12837057
290 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35982) - you deserved it (8200)

On 08/31/2010 at 10:50am - kids - by teacher (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend of three years proposed to me. He brought me to our favorite restaurant and ordered expensive champagne. It was all very romantic, until he got on one knee and I farted out of surprise. Loudly. FML

#12837026
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41962) - you deserved it (8107)

On 08/31/2010 at 10:48am - love - by maebyf - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I took pictures of myself and my girlfriend doing naughty things together on my camera. My mom later asked me if she could borrow the camera for the weekend. Without thinking, I gave her the camera. FML

#12836221
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12561) - you deserved it (52066)

On 08/31/2010 at 9:13am - intimacy - by weezel (man) - South Africa (Western Cape)

Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday. After spending a reasonable amount of cash to get us a nice hotel room to celebrate, he decides he would rather spend the night drinking with his friends. They all threw up in the bath tub before passing out on our bed. FML

#12836034
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28306) - you deserved it (4255)

On 08/31/2010 at 8:46am - love - by kp - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was taking the subway to school. I was applying some makeup when I noticed a little boy watching me. When I was finished I heard him whisper to his mom, "I thought make up was supposed to make you pretty." FML

#12835808
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30708) - you deserved it (6520)

On 08/31/2010 at 8:11am - misc - by ugly - United States

Today, I Googled my father, who I haven't seen in 3 years. The first website link was his obituary. When I confronted my mom about it, she said, "Oh, didn't I tell you?" and walked off. FML

#12834464
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47256) - you deserved it (2721)

On 08/31/2010 at 3:54am - misc - by missyoudad. (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, while getting on the subway, I tripped over the gap between the train and the platform. My flip-flop caught on the edge, and fell into the gap. I had to walk home with one flip-flop. FML

#12833502
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25323) - you deserved it (9101)

On 08/31/2010 at 2:14am - misc - by grossfoot (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I talked to my boyfriend's dad for the first time. One of the first things that he said to me was, "So, I hear you're a screamer." FML

#12832697
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40317) - you deserved it (7013)

On 08/31/2010 at 1:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was at a tennis match and it was really hot. I took off my shirt to cool down. A member of the staff then tapped me on the shoulder and told me that my "bare breasts might offend someone." I'm a man. FML

#12832622
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27353) - you deserved it (15066)

On 08/31/2010 at 1:15am - misc - by bennyp77 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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