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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was messaged by a great guy I went to college with, and he was telling me how stupid he had been for not asking me out in college and about how much he had liked me. After talking for 30 minutes about trying to get together soon, he told me that he had mistaken me for someone else. FML

#5209609
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40327) - you deserved it (2438)

On 09/12/2009 at 4:14pm - misc - by Ljsmitty - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my friend's 11 year old son accidentally shocked himself with our electric fly swatter. Thirty seconds later, while trying to prove to him that it's physically impossible to shock yourself with it, and that it's perfectly safe, I did the exact same thing. FML

#5209452
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5968) - you deserved it (48399)

On 09/12/2009 at 4:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Aberdeen City)

Today, I had a soccer game. A player from the other team hit me in the face. In the next half, she was the goalie and I was determined to score on her. When I finally got my chance to, everyone cheered, until I kicked the ball into the goal post and it bounced back and hit me in the face. FML

#5208232
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37962) - you deserved it (8058)

On 09/12/2009 at 2:58pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was on the job as an ambulance driver, I got a call about a man who claimed he'd had a heart attack. When I got to the house, it turned out the man was fine. I did however manage to hit a dog on the way there in fear of the man dying. FML

#5207725
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35568) - you deserved it (4739)

On 09/12/2009 at 2:35pm - animals - by ambulancedriver (man) - Poland (Warszawa)

Today, I updated an e-mail I've saved to drafts and have been updating every day for the last few months to a girl I really adore. In this letter, I told her everything I ever kept from her. Instead of saving it to drafts again, I accidentally sent it. And she's online. FML

#5206414
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11870) - you deserved it (45756)

On 09/12/2009 at 1:06pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, at Six flags, friends and I were going to ride "Superman". People lose their phones on it easily, so I asked a friend who decided not to ride to put mine in her bag. When it ended, I learned she went and asked an employee in navy to hold onto it, but couldn't find him. Employees wear yellow. FML

#5205982
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38209) - you deserved it (6335)

On 09/12/2009 at 12:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I threw an elaborate surprise birthday party for my boyfriend of four years. He thought we were going to a quiet dinner but when we arrived, thirty of his friends jumped out and surprised him. Instead of kissing me to thank me, he broke up with me because of how easily I had lied to him. FML

#5205782
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47066) - you deserved it (4127)

On 09/12/2009 at 12:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was with my seven year old daughter purchasing my husband a present for his birthday in a few weeks. At the register, in the very long line, I asked her where we could hide his present so he wouldn't find it, she responded loudly with "Hide it in your room! He never goes in there!" FML

#5205091
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31083) - you deserved it (4308)

On 09/12/2009 at 11:31am - kids - by nosexlife (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, was my first day at Military School. When our commander walked into the sleeping quarters, instructing us all to get up and stand at the foot of our beds. I had morning wood. To which the commander wasted no time in adressing in front of the rest of the room. FML

#5203639
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40002) - you deserved it (4950)

On 09/12/2009 at 9:14am - misc - by Lukev7 - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my girlfriend, who is a dog trainer, was telling me all about the techniques she uses at work. I commented on how the dogs must be stupid to fall for such simple tricks, to which she replied "They worked on you." FML

#5203249
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9911) - you deserved it (41380)

On 09/12/2009 at 8:00am - love - by TrainedBF (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I found out that despite having attended every university party held over the last two years, the only physical contact I have had with a member of the opposite sex is when the security guard stamps my hand. FML

#5203219
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30201) - you deserved it (7610)

On 09/12/2009 at 7:53am - misc - by Lonely (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, the guy I have been in love with for years decided to tell me all about his women problems and how he can't find someone. After telling him I loved him he responds, "do you know if anyone else does?" FML

#5201884
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41977) - you deserved it (3509)

On 09/12/2009 at 3:39am - love - by ksgirl (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, at dinner with my boyfriend and my family, my mother had too much to drink and asked my boyfriend how I was in bed with the purpose of embarrassing me. His reply? "Not as good as her sister." His defense? "It was only one time." FML

#5201743
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25292) - you deserved it (2350)

On 09/12/2009 at 3:25am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)



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