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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I rejected my wife for sex. She then started to masturbate next to me. I got an erection. She then rejected me for sex. FML

#6927698
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6629) - you deserved it (72485)

On 12/24/2009 at 8:10pm - intimacy - by paidback - United States

caancoha's comment : How do you not deserve this? "Treat others as you would like to be treated." Go luck your wounded manhood.

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Today, I decided I was going to do something nice for my parents for Christmas. So, I cleaned the entire house top to bottom, baked cookies, and made them both Christmas cards. What did I get in return? They asked me to wrap my four year old sister's presents, and let me know I got nothing. FML

#6927228
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26243) - you deserved it (2223)

On 12/24/2009 at 7:37pm - misc - by blkchkrm (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my parents were having a Christmas party. They went out to get the vodka in our garage fridge, only to find most of it was frozen. Knowing vodka doesn't freeze, they soon realized that I had been taking some and refilling it with water over the past two months. FML

#6927216
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5754) - you deserved it (47077)

On 12/24/2009 at 7:36pm - misc - by Sean (man) - United States

Today, I found out my grandpa died. As I rushed home crying to comfort my parents, I got pulled over for speeding. The officer told me to cut out the "fake" tears". When I told him my grandpa just died he tacked on another $100 for lying to an officer. Worst. Christmas. Ever. FML

#6926998
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43301) - you deserved it (2993)

On 12/24/2009 at 7:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

russianspy1234's comment : so go to appeals court with the death certificate and at least get the 100 taken off

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Today, my boyfriend got rejected by his dream college. In an effort to comfort him, I told him that he is incredibly smart and that it's their loss. He replied, "Of course you think so, you're an idiot!" FML

#6926430
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31162) - you deserved it (4526)

On 12/24/2009 at 6:41pm - misc - by imamonster1992 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. I told her best friend the plan the day before. I got reservations to a restaurant on the beach, and we were going to arrive via boat. She never showed. Her parents called me asking why she left town to go to Paris. FML

#6926336
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31665) - you deserved it (2778)

On 12/24/2009 at 6:37pm - love - by hoplessG (man) - United States

Today, I woke up to see that I had two black eyes from a cheerleading stunt gone wrong yesterday. I decided to curl my hair to distract from them. While curling my hair I accidentally burned my cheek. I now have two black eyes and a huge burn on my cheek. My extended family is coming tomorrow. FML

#6926304
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24189) - you deserved it (6743)

On 12/24/2009 at 6:35pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I had one more gift to buy: a copy of Fight Club. I asked a person working at Best Buy if they had any in stock. The man wouldn't sell me the last copy because I had broken the first two rules. FML

#6923345
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26945) - you deserved it (11875)

On 12/24/2009 at 3:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

triciaharris1's comment : 1st RULE: You do not talk about FIGHT CLUB. 2nd RULE: You DO NOT talk about FIGHT CLUB. 3rd RULE: If someone says "stop" or goes limp, taps out the fight is over. 4th RULE: Only two guys to a fight. 5th RULE: One fight at a time. 6th RULE: No shirts, no shoes. 7th RULE: Fights will go on as long as they have to. 8th RULE: If this is your first night at FIGHT CLUB, you HAVE to fight.

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Today, I found out my mom is getting rid of cable TV. My dad and I bought her a 700 dollar plasma screen TV for Christmas. FML

#6922961
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23487) - you deserved it (2888)

On 12/24/2009 at 2:45pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I learned just how much change a toddler can stuff in to a Nintendo Wii. I also learned that those things are put together with special screws. FML

#6919717
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23499) - you deserved it (3715)

On 12/24/2009 at 10:49am - kids - by Gameless Guy - United States

Today, I found out that I have to work Christmas Day. There's no public transport running and taxis are triple fare. It'll cost me more getting to work than I'll actually earn during the shift. FML

#6917997
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27714) - you deserved it (2081)

On 12/24/2009 at 6:20am - work - by Barstaff (man) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, I used the tanning booth for the first time. Not only was I so white that I received first-degree burns all over my body, but I also forgot to remove my knee-high socks. FML

#6917570
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7041) - you deserved it (42099)

On 12/24/2009 at 5:06am - health - by Ellowise (woman) - Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest)

Today, I saw the girl I had confessed my love to two years ago on the bus. We chatted for a few minutes and she got off on the first stop, saying that this is where she had to get off. Twenty minutes later, I see her in the bus next to mine. The bus number was 20. Like mine. FML

#6917396
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24308) - you deserved it (4892)

On 12/24/2009 at 4:35am - love - by busrides (man) - United States (California)



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